


The Doctor?

by eternaluniverse



Series: two Time Lords and a universe [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Explicit Sex, Sentient TARDIS, Spoilers for Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Suicidal Thoughts, Telepathy, cyberium - Freeform, prison outbreak, they need to talk!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 79,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaluniverse/pseuds/eternaluniverse
Summary: The Doctor can't just let the Master die, can she?!After the events on Gallifrey the Doctor can’t see a way to forgive the Master. But as always, they realise that they still need each other.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Series: two Time Lords and a universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939033
Comments: 212
Kudos: 168





	1. Broken World

**Author's Note:**

> This story started out of a rush of emotions after I watched “The timeless children”. I had no idea that I would end up with 25 plotted chapters (and no way of telling if it really stops there). If you’re in for a rollercoaster of the Doctor and the Master I would be really happy to follow that journey together with you.
> 
> There’s a [Russian translation](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9345018) available by Alnairy. Shout out to Alnairy for doing such an incredible thing!
> 
> Should be known, but because I always feel a little bit uncomfortable writing a story about characters represented by real people: I only borrow their portrayed characters, this work has nothing to do with the actresses and actors!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little (pretty dark) alteration of the ending…  
> This Episode… I’m still not sure what I should think about everything.  
> Well, that’s me trying to process this episode… please excuse any mistakes, I’m not a native speaker and a wrote this in a rush of emotions.  
> It got pretty dark… I never wrote something like this before and the Doctor feels at a certain point (intentionally) completely out of character.
> 
> Be warned and have fun.

She can’t do it. She just can’t. Not with the Master standing right in front of her, lost in his pain. This time she needs to get it right, but she just can’t, she just can’t condemn the Master, her friend, to death. Not with him, looking her right into the eyes, into her soul.

“But the universe still needs you. So, I suggest you run. RUN DOCTOR!” And she did. She could hear him scream after her and the Doctor knew she left the Master to die. But it wouldn’t be her who killed him. She stormed into the Tardis and set the coordinates to leave this dying planet.

The Doctor hadn’t realised before how close she had been to save all the remaining Time Lords. Now she did. Her knees just buckled, and she sank to the ground.

She had left the Master to die before, she knew that she could do it again. Could she? Could she be the Last of the Time Lords all over again?! (She started to laugh? To cry? She didn’t know.) She had always been the last of her own kind, the only one of her own kind in this world. Just ripped out of her own dimension. The Doctor didn’t want it to be true. It couldn’t be true.

She had always wondered who she would have been without the Master, without her best friend Koschei, and now the Doctor realised that her whole life with him was nothing but a snap of her fingers. Just seconds in her infinitive, unknown past.

_What have you got left anyway, you don’t even know your own life._

But what had he left? The Master left her the shrunken Cyberman, knowing what she would do. He knew that the Doctor wiped out all the Time Lords before (or at least though he did), so he knew she would do it. Kill him and everyone else on Gallifrey. Including herself.

_Become death. Become me._

The Master had shrunken the Lone Cyberman… did he know that the particle wouldn’t set free?! Or did he just didn’t care?! The Doctor shook her head, time and time again. He seemed so broken, more than she had thought was possible. He acted like he just didn’t care if his plan succeeded or not, as if he didn’t care if he would die or not... as if he wanted to die.

The Doctor realised she stopped shaking, just got really, really quiet. No…  
“Can’t be true, just can’t be true! Why would he do this, why would he do this?!”  
Because they used her to regain the ability to regenerate?!

(This whole past still didn’t make any sense to her, she didn’t want it to make sense to her! She remembered being a little boy, she remembered her brother, she remembered Koschei, all these years with Koschei. She remembered stealing a Tardis, her Tardis. This couldn’t be for nothing, could it?!)

But the point was, it wasn’t important. Thousands and thousands of years of unknown past… it didn’t change who she was now. Because it didn’t change one thing.

“I am the Doctor. I am the Doctor. I AM THE DOCTOR!”

And then she did what the Doctor would always do.

_“I am the Doctor and I save people!”_

She materialised the Tardis only milliseconds before the detonation. And there he was… screaming, laughing?!

“O Doctor” The Master started, laughing so hard he could hardly speak. (or was he crying? She didn’t know. And she didn’t care.) “Do you really think this makes you feel better?! Saving the one person who _broke_ you?”

The Doctors felt nothing, but an odd calmness and her voice was cold when she started speaking. “Haven’t you realised yet, _Master_ , the only broken one is you!”

He just smiled, tears in the eyes, some of them left lines on his face. And he just stood there and _smiled_?!

She didn’t think, just punched him in the face, hard, to make that stupid smile disappear. The Master stumbled, against the console, hit his head. For a second she felt relived but then he started laughing so hard he spit blood all over the floor.

“Doctor, o Doctor…” She could hardly understand his slurred words under his manic laugher. “Does it make you feel good. There she is, the Oncoming Storm, the bringer of Darkness.” He was bleeding all over the floor, staining his clothes, his hair, his face. She didn’t care.

“You are nothing!” Her voice was colder than ice. “Just a puppet of the Time Lords, thrown away the moment they didn’t need you anymore.”

“And yet you saved me. Do you really think the universe will approve with this decision?” His laugher grew lauder. “So come on, Doctor. Make me pay. At least one of us can feel good!” 

And she did. She moment he gave her this stupid little smile she just shoved his body back against the consol. The Doctor (?), the woman didn’t stop, just kicked his crumpled body, punched him again and again and again.

The Master didn’t try to stop her, just wouldn’t stop laughing and even if he did, she didn’t realise. She just didn’t care. Her whole life did just fall apart around her and her best friend, her enemy, the man she hated most in the universe, had nothing better to do than laugh about her?!

She didn’t know when she stopped. Or why. She just did. She didn’t feel better. Just empty. But maybe that was better anyway.

Even unconscious he hadn’t stop smiling. The Doctor sank to the floor, right next to him, raised his broken body up, closed her arms around him and rocked him like a child. There she was, the Doctor, with the Master, crying, rocking his not responding body. And yes. She was laughing. Laughing as if nothing else made sense in this broken word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I’m still not sure what I should think about it myself. I have a few ideas how to continue this, but I still don’t know if I like myself what I just wrote down…
> 
> For me it seemed like the Master just wiped out the Time Lords and brought them back as Cybermen because they hurt the Doctor… what do you think?  
> I’m oddly okay with the Doctor being the Timeless Child, because it just seems like another mystery in the Doctors past… but I’m still not sure, if I like it…
> 
> I wasn’t the biggest fan of the rest of the episode, I just didn’t like the idea of Time Lord Cybermen…  
> And the Doctor felt really out of character at some points for me… I need to watch it again and think about it.


	2. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue this story. I roughly know where this story is going, and I try to upload at least once a week. 
> 
> Have fun!

_Always try, to be nice and never fail to be kind._

She failed miserably.

She didn’t know why she stopped laughing (or why she started in the first place) but the Master’s battered body in her arms was enough to throw her back in the present. He still hadn’t regained consciousness, just lay in her arms like a broken doll which was thrown away because she finished playing with him.

With his slack face and the closed eyes, he looked _innocent_. Just like a child, not a man who wiped out the Time Lords. The Doctor couldn’t see the Master in him… just the boy he once was… Koschei. And it made her angry, he didn’t have the right to show her their past quite plainly, not after she learned that everything about that life was nothing, _just nothing_ , in her infinitive lifespan.

She started laughing again (or was she crying, she couldn’t tell the different anymore) and pushed him away because she couldn’t stand the sight of her meaningless life. If their happy moments together were nothing but seconds compared the rest, maybe it was time to stop trying to save him. It had never worked. 

( _I'll be good, I promise. I'll turn, I'll turn good. Please. Teach me, teach me how to be good_ ).

Maybe he was beyond any help, maybe she just needed to accept it, to finally, finally let him go… to _kill_ him.

_And then I find a new name because I won't be the Doctor anymore._

The scream that escaped her made the Tardis whimper, as if she was unsure if she was afraid of her of if she wanted to help. “I’m sorry… not your fault. I’m sorry.” She stood up on shaking legs to caress the console. “I need my old Girl, my Tardis…”

The next moment the Doctor saw the blood on the lever, the Master’s blood because she pushed him, kicked him, punched him even after he lost consciousness. Her hands started to shake. There was blood _everywhere_. On the console, on the floor, on her clothes and even worse, on her _hands_.

The Doctor sank to the floor, not able to bear the sight of what she had done. The Masters bloodied body didn’t make it easier, so she closed her eyes. It didn’t stop the tears.

“This is all your fault!” The rage was back, all that hatred for the man who was supposed to be her best friend and just destroyed her entire life. She had told him, he hadn’t broken her, but sitting there, covered in his blood, the Doctor realised how right he had been. The truth destroyed her.

A scream escaped her and she kicked the Master, just to see him hurt, as much as he hurt her. He didn’t respond at all, just lay there, twisted in his bloody clothes. This time she felt nothing but shame about her action and turned away from him.

“I’m sorry, Koschei.” She couldn’t look at him, because she would snap back in her rage as soon as she realised her best friend was gone. Once and for all she couldn’t see a way back to him. He went to far… The little boy who used to run hand in hand with her across the gallifreyan fields was gone. Consumed by the rage in his hearts which wouldn’t let him rest.

She could have saved him, like she saved so many others. But this one time, just this once, she didn’t _and look Doctor, look what you made. Koschei is dead, you let him turn into a monster. It’s your fault!_

Maybe that’s the reason she can’t stop running, can’t rest, can’t walk away, because the one time she did, she lost the one person who was even remotely like her.

Deep inside she knew that she was lying to herself because she couldn’t face the truth. After all, she was still the Doctor. Even if everything else didn’t make sense anymore, her chosen name was the one certainty nobody could take away from her. And there had never been a time when the Doctor couldn’t forgive the Master, whatever he just did.

The Doctor can’t hate the Master, but that wouldn’t stop her from hating herself.

The Master woke up strapped to a bed.

He needed a moment to realise where he was or what happened. His head hurt, his eyes were heavy, and everything felt dizzy. He was afraid he would throw up every moment, but his throat felt to dry to even try. Something tickled in his nose, the Master tried to reach it only to realise he couldn’t move. For a moment he couldn’t grasp the situation, he started to panic.

He struggled against the bonds, trying to throw himself to the side, kicking with his feet against nothing but thin air. The only thing he managed was to kick off the blanket. The Master did an impressive among of screaming before he decided to calm down.

He felt to tired too actually care, knowing that the Doctor was responsible for his situation. “DOCTOR!” he screamed but couldn’t even hear his own voice over the aggressive drumming inside his head.

The warmth that covered him was gone and the Master wore nothing but his trousers and socks which made him feel oddly vulnerable. A look to the side told him, that he was connected to an IV which might explain the recent stinging in his elbow. The tickling in his nose was back, too. This time the Master was calm enough to realise it was only an oxygen nasal cannula. But that didn’t stop him from trying to shake it off. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

He felt strangely weak and really tired. There had to be pain medication in the IV which might explain why he couldn’t think straight.  
“Fuck you, Doctor!” He hissed in the empty room, hoping that she was listening anyway.

He started to count. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. Laugher escaped him the moment he realised he couldn’t count past four. What a goddamn day. He wanted to break the Doctor, hurt her as much as the truth hurt him. Taking by his current condition, he had succeeded.

The Master hoped she felt really, really, really, really bad for what she did to him, because he had to live with the realisation that _he existed because of the Doctor_. He couldn’t stand the thought that she was a part of him. It made it easier to destroy Gallifrey, to end all these lives because he knew that they all had a part of the Doctor inside them.

It hurt him. It hurt him so much and the Master didn’t know how to cope with all the pain, all the lies. He didn’t know what to do with the information, so he did what he always does. The Master destroyed the planet and hurt the Doctor with his games. Because that’s all it was for him – a game. As he confessed to her at the Eifel tower, he didn’t know how else to get her attention.

He needs the Doctor as much as he needs air to breath. The Doctor had always been a part of the Master (quite literally, the thought wanted to make him to throw up) and Theta Sigma will always be the only one to kill him. He wanted her to pull the trigger, to end his miserably life, but _as always,_ she couldn’t. Nothing new than.

The Master started to laugh even if his broken rips protested. He knew he was broken, lost in the darkness but the knowledge that he manged to destroy the Doctor, break her even more than himself, gives him peace.

The Master started to drift in and out sleep for the next hours. Every time he woke up nothing had changed. A part of him was afraid the Doctor left him just like that, helpless and unable to escape the situation (even if he knew he could free himself if he _really_ wanted to).

He tried to reach the IV for a few times to rip it out, only to realise that he couldn’t reach it. It made him furious and he screamed until he was pulled back to sleep.

The next time he was drawn back to consciousness the Master thought he was still dreaming. Because there it was, the familiar press to his mind which could only mean the Doctor was here. He heard himself mourn, trying to turn to his side while something warm was placed over him. As soon as the blanket was back the Master could hear steps leaving. _No!_ He fought to open his eyes to understand at least something about the Doctors thoughts.

“Doctor…” His voice sounded incredible weak, but he felt too tired to care. She was back by his side with four steps. It was a long time since the Master had seen the Doctor that angry. “Don’t!” Her voice was cold as ice. “Don’t you dare!” He wanted to raise his voice, fight back, make her as hurt as he felt but all the Master could manage was low groan.

He wasn’t even sure what she was talking about, he still felt to groggy to grasp the situation, but it seemed the Doctor just didn’t care. She was back at the door, ready to leave him in his miserable again.

“Doctor… please.” It costed him quiet an effort to actually beg her, but it seemed it wasn’t working anymore. He needed her by his side right now! He didn’t care if she would scream at him or insult him, because he definitely would hurt her in every way he could manage right now. He was the Master, nevertheless. But he needed her with him.

The Doctor did just not care. (And he knew that she knew exactly what he needed right now!) “Try to sleep. You look ill.” She gave him that pitiful look which made the rage in his hearts boil.

But before he could find the strength to answer, to insult her, the door closed behind her. Just like that the Doctor left him again. “No… don’t you dare!” He would try to reach her telepathically, force her to come back, but he just couldn’t find the strength to even think straight.

She definitely drugged him up, was probably still doing it. The though made him try to rip the drip out of his arm only to realise again, that his situation hadn’t improved. For a moment the Master though about his possibilities to escape the situation. It was definitely not the first time he ended up strapped to a bed and he knew a few ways how to escape.

He was quite confident, that he could find the weakness of the bonds holding his wrist down. If he wasn’t that tired, it might have worked. He could break his thumb to free one of his arms… but why? It wasn’t as if the Master actually wanted to leave.

He drifted back to sleep with the confidence that the Doctor would come back to him. Sooner or later she would, she always did. The Master was drawn back to unconsciousness with the drums pounding in the back of his head and a bitter smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I’m still not the biggest fan of the finale. I just don’t think the whole “Chosen One”/Timeless child story line was necessary. The Doctor was always a mad man with a box and now she’s some kind of a god… it just doesn’t feel right… 
> 
> If would love to hear your thoughts.


	3. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the long monolog in the beginning. I always try to cut it short, but most of the times I get carried away.  
> I hope you still enjoy that chapter. Have fun!

The Doctor couldn’t stop shaking after she left the Master. She had successfully supressed her feelings after she had taken care of his injuries. (Even if the thought that all the bruises were her doing made her throw up afterwards.) But that had been was easy to push away, because he hadn’t been awake.

Now, he had given her that _look_ she couldn’t quite interpret. And the Doctor was _angry_ , angrier than she had been for a long time. He had no right to want _anything_ from her! Not after he destroyed her life, her past and _Gallifrey_. Gallifrey… Her mind always seemed to jump back to two little boys, two boys who didn’t knew how their lives would shatter around them.

Two little boys who thought they would be best friends for ever (well, there still were?) and would always help each other when their friend needed them the most. It had been a promise.

A promise, broken like so many different promises the Doctor made in her long, long life.

 _Never cruel or cowardly_.

The Doctor had beaten the Master up. That was cruel and cowardly. She hadn’t stopped after he had passed out. Again, _cruel and cowardly_.

 _Never cruel or cowardly_. She just managed to break her promise, she wasn’t worth to be the Doctor anymore. The though seemed to appear out of nowhere but it _hurt_. It hurt so much she wrapped her shacking arms around herself, pretending someone (someone? Koschei) hold her tight, told her that everything would be alright.

Because if she wasn’t the Doctor (the only thing that still made sense to her) who was she. Nothing but an abused child, stolen from her home, wiped of all her memory’s to be left with nothing but a meaningless life?!

The Doctor couldn’t bear the thought, she forced her tears back, just to pretend everything was alright. Who was she? _You are the Doctor, who else would pick such a ridiculous name?_ The voice in her head sounded like the Master and she let a sob pass her compressed lips.

Maybe he was right… The Doctor had always allowed her dark side to slip in the present of the Master. He was the only one who could possibly understand that part of her. And she needed someone who understood her, even if he hated her, provoked her to let that part slip, to hurt her even more. But that was him, her best friend – enemy. The Master. Always. How could she hate him for being the only person in the universe who allowed her to be who she was.

The Doctor didn’t want to think about her name right now. It didn’t matter in that moment. She couldn’t bare it to be alone. She felt empty and utterly _broken_. She didn’t want to be strong. Not now. _It’s alright, it’s alright…_

_Rule one: The Doctor lies._

She didn’t know how she ended up next to the Master’s bed. Thankfully he was asleep again, she didn’t know if she could bear the look in his eyes. Carefully the Doctor touched his temple to push him even deeper in his sleep. To her surprise it actually worked. The Doctor carefully lowered herself to the edge of the bed and watched the Master’s sleeping form. With his relaxed face he reminded her again of the best friend she once had. But then again, Koschei was gone and the Doctor could see past the façade he wore in his sleep like one of his many disguises. It was probably just another way to spite her.

If she wouldn’t have been that empty the Doctor might have started to cry. Instead she leaned forward to observe his facial features. With his relaxed expression he looked beautiful and she quite liked his beard (even if she would _never_ tell him). He just looked so much like himself.

She couldn’t ( _didn’t want to_ ) see her lost friend in him. It brought to much pain. However, it was easy to talk herself into believing that the sleeping man in front of her wasn’t the Master but her good friend O.

She started to stroke his hair, caressed his face and placed gently kisses on his forehead. It felt right.

O… her good friend O. He had been so nice, so gently, always understanding. It was nice to know that the Master was still able to be that even if it was only for his big reveal. The many, many years she texted with him gave her a strange connection to that man who just was there for her unconditionally. She might had had a crush on him. In retrospect the Doctor should have known that O was too perfect, exactly like she needed him to be. Who else but the Master would have been able to gave her that satisfaction.

She only managed to fall in love with the Master, _again_.

The Doctor nearly started to cry because she needed him that much. But he would never be there for her, he just couldn’t, he was the Master. If she was honest with herself the Doctor just wanted to wallow in self-pity. All those years, all those disasters and hatred and rage, the Doctor and the Master had always pulled themselves together afterwards, had their truce and just spent time with each other. As much as his actions had hurt her, it had been their kind of relationship.

So, what had changed?! Because Theta still needed Koschei but the Doctor refused the little boy she once was ( _still was_ ) to find his peace.

The Master had hurt her, yes. But that wasn’t the first time!

She didn’t have the strength to fight the screaming child in her head who just wanted to be close to his best friend. _He’s dead, Theta. Koschei’s dead. You killed him._ But Theta had always been the stronger one because he never witnessed the horror his future (and his past) held for him. The Doctor gave in because the alternative would be screaming and crying and pain, so much unbearable pain.

She carefully laid at the Masters torso, loomed on arm around his sleeping form and continued to caress his face and hair. The Doctor knew that her weight must hurt him, she saw the bruises she had caused him and was now hiding under the blanket. But then again, she did it for her own well-being. As well as the pain medication she gave him, the Master, Koschei, had always hated to use drugs without him being in control. The woman who hid behind the title _The Doctor_ was nothing but an egoist.

And even the shackles, it was all for herself. The Doctor feared he would leave her behind if she left him his freedom and she hadn’t been able bear his sight for the last hours. She could try to tell herself otherwise, that she was protecting the universe from his destruction, but deep down the Doctor knew that most of her actions with the Master were a desperate attempt to cure her own broken soul.

(Deep inside the Doctor knew he was playing his wicked game with her. Just as he had been able to leave the Vault if he really wanted to, he could free himself. She still hadn’t worked out why Missy had stayed for over 70 years. But then again, her betrayal had hurt more than usual.)

The Doctor lay still, felt his breathing, listened to his beating hearts, started to slowly calm down. Her mind started to wander off, showing her all the horror, she had caused (Gallifrey burning, again, and again and again) but she forced her mind to listen to the Master’s heartbeats and to stare into nothing, just pushing away all the pain. It nearly felt as if she heard the drums tormenting the Master’s mind even if it gave her peace. Just for a moment.

If it wouldn’t be so sad the Doctor would have laugh. (Maybe she even did.)

The Master felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He slowly was drawn back to consciousness. Something was wrong. He could feel distress, pain and loneliness that wasn’t his own. For a moment the emotions threatened to take control, to become part of his feelings, but he raised his mental shields up.

Finally, he realised his situation. Something heavy lay at his chest, right above the broken rips. As much as he wished to reduce the feeling, it actually felt quite nice to have something warm that close to him. Well, not something, someone. The Doctor to be precise.

He blocked her telepathically to make her believe he was still asleep and carefully opened his eyes. She was curled to a small ball, one arm wrapped around herself, the other in his hair. Oh… this felt nice. Nobody had touched him that gently in this body. (Except the Doctor when she still though he was a human named O.)

The Master knew she hadn’t sleep, just lay there with open eyes staring into nothing. If he wouldn’t be that angry, he would feel sorry for her. Therefore, he just pitied her. That stupid Time Lord, never learned how to cope with her pain.

He tried to shift himself in a more comfortable position. It might have actually worked without alarming the Doctor if he hadn’t forgotten about his bound hands. Instead he mourned loudly and bowed his head to manage at least a small among of movement. The Doctor nearly jumped out of the bed, her big eyes staring at him like he was a ghost. She looked terrible exhausted.

“New kink of yours, Doctor. Cuddling with someone who can’t move?” His voice sounded terrible hoarse and he really wanted to drink something. She carefully sat up, lowering herself to the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t look at him, her head bowed, her eyes fast flickering around. Well, at least she didn’t scream angrily at him anymore.

Time to take control over the situation. “Take that away!” His eyes flickered angrily from the IV to the oxygen cannula. To his total surprise she did what he asked her to do without a comment. After that the Doctor carefully bend a straw so he could drink the water she was offering him. She even helped him in a sitting position. She must feel _really_ guilty. The thought made him grin.

“That’s what I call a failure, Doctor. I believe you wanted to hate me.” She still didn’t say a word and it made him furious. “I though you feel better, after your outburst. That was such a nice demonstration of the _Oncoming Storm_.”

“Shut up!” Even though she was screaming she sounded absolutely desperate. The Master laughed again. “Why would I? I’m showing you yourself. And that’s _so satisfying_.” Her eye begged him to stop, but she didn’t speak, just stared at him as if I would reveal another truth to her. “You hide behind a title to make yourself feel good, but Doctor, honestly, you failed miserable!”

“Stop!” Her voice sounded weak and truly ashamed. “Please, stop.” The Master laughed her in the face. “Oh, I barely started. You bend the world around yourself until she fits your view on the word. You left your moral high ground because you think I deserve your punishment. And afterwards you cling to me like a child, because you’re to ashamed to face your actions.”

The Doctor was crying, silent tears running down her face. The Master could see her shaking hands when she carefully left his side stepping away from him with this pitiful look in her eyes. This wasn’t the Doctor. This was a broken woman who lost everything. He though this sight would satisfy him, but he felt nothing but anger.

“Fight me!” The rage was back, boiling in his hearts next to the drums which became louder and louder inside his head. “Don’t give me that look, fight me Doctor!” There was something else, whispering to him, supporting his rage even if you couldn’t understand the words under the noise of the drums. The Cyberium, of course, it was still there.

The Doctor seemed to sense it to, her eyes grow wide the same way Thetas eyes did when he finally found the solution to a problem he had been searching for. “Master…” She still sounded pathetic but didn’t seem to care about his anger. “The Cyberium, you need to let it go.”

The Master grinned at her. “Really, do I? We barely met.” The whisper in his head started to increase, teasing him as if they were telling him to get up and plan another catastrophe.

“You don’t know what it’s doing to you!” “I don’t care!” “Master, please!” That was nice, now she was begging him without any effort from his side. “Say that again.” Her features fell and he chuckled about her disappointed expression. “Oh Doctor, if you could see yourself.”

“Master, I know what it did to Shelly, you can’t hold the Cyberium forever! It will destroy you!” He snorted. “Do I look like a fucking human to you?!” The Master was surprised how calm his voice sounded. “I won’t give it away, I would be really stupid to give away all that knowledge, wouldn’t I.” She gave him the same look his daughter used to give him when he had sent her to bed.

“You want the Cyberium, Doctor. There is only one option left. I won’t give it voluntarily. You need to kill me, Doctor.” She didn’t say a word after his little speech. Maybe she even looked a little bit shocked. It thrilled the Master how easy he had taken control over the situation.

Carefully he tried to free his wrists, but the straps still hold him firmly. “So, what happens now, Doctor.” The Master knew he sounded quite cheerful. “Am I going to be your prisoner, again? I’m not sure if I’m in the mood.” There had been a time when he had _needed_ to be seen by the Doctor, thousand years imprisonment hadn’t sounded that bad back then. But that had changed after the Doctor left him (well her) to die on that stupid colony ship. How stupid he had been to think she really cared about him. 

“I don’t know.” “Really. The great omniscient Doctor _doesn’t know_. That’s new.” The Cyberium tried to get into focus but he pushed it away. “I’m going to my Tardis, you are coming with me, we are going to talk… we think about a solution afterwards.” He gave her an amused look. “We? As if I have anything to say in the matter.” He chuckled.

The Doctor started to walk towards the door. That wasn’t fair. That just wasn’t fair. “DOCTOR!” She didn’t even flinch. Disappointing. Angrily he started to rip at the straps, kicked with his feet until his legs were tangled in the blanked. The Doctor watched him with a calm expression. “Don’t do that.”

The Master started to laugh at her, but she just rearranged the blanket and, to his surprise, caress his cheek. “I hate you!” He spit at her. Her only reaction was a gently kiss to the same cheek. He stared at her with total shock, but she had already left and closed to door.

That was surprisingly nice, he could still feel her kiss on his face. Didn’t matter, I still hated her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> I would really appreciate feedback, I’m trying to improve my writing and I’m aware that it’s far away from perfect.


	4. Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun!

The Master had quite an argument with the cyberium (something about losing the universal domination, he wouldn’t stop laughing, it was ridiculous) when the Doctor came back. She gave him that strange look he couldn’t place (mostly because of the tears of laugher which blocked his sight). “Are you having fun?” Even her voice was tired. _Boring_. “Want to tell me why? I really need a laugher.” The Master chuckled, slowly pushed the cyberium and its ridiculous tattle away.

“Did you decided what happened to me.” As fast as he could switch into laugher he could also calm down. The Doctor wouldn’t even bat an eyelid. “I told you before.” She dropped a pile of purple material on the bed, his clothes he realised. They looked clean. “Oh Doctor,” he started to mock her. “how did I come to that honour.” He expected her to roll her eyes, but she didn’t even blink. “Just be quiet.” Another chuckle. “I think someone has a bad day.”

“Seriously?! I wonder why. You just manged to destroy my home.” She was lying. “It was never your home you don’t even know your home.” Well, that was a lie, everyone who knew the Doctor even a little bit knew, that her home had always been the Tardis since the Day he ran away. The look she gave him could only be described as sulking.

“Oh, come on. Are you going to act as a child, again?” He didn’t know what to do with a _silent Docto_ r.

“Well, maybe it’s time for a regression into a child’s body. It seems that you used to do that quite often.”

“Please…”

That wasn’t what he had expected. The Master wanted her to scream and rage with anger, the exhausted woman in front of him was no fun at all.

Time to hurt her even more.

“Don’t be boring, Doctor. You used to do that quite often… not that you remember. A good memory wipe should be acquired too. Wouldn’t that be nice, you can even pick a new name!” He laughed cheerfully.

The Doctor turned around without a word and started to walk to the exit. “You are no fun at all, Doctor.” The Master yelled after her, but she just locked the door and was gone. He groaned and let himself fall into the pillow. He had seen her tears – boring as always.

The Master sometimes wondered when he had learned to lie to himself that good.

By the time she came back he had nearly manged to free his left wrist. The Master expected at least an angry look, just _something_ , but instead she pointed her screwdriver at the straps until they came loose.

“Finally, that started to hurt.” He snarled, waiting for a _“It’s your own fault.”_ He got a “Sorry…”

The Master nearly reached the point where he actually worried about her. Just because there was no point of him being an asshole if she didn’t react at all, of course!

“Get dressed.” The Master laughed. “Are you sure?” He grinned at her, slowly came closer, reaching out to touch her face. To his disappointment the Doctor sighed. “Yes, I’m sure. Get dressed.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t be a spoilsport. I’m sure you want to touch me as much as I do.” As an answer she threw his clothes at him. “Boring as always, _Doctor_.” She rolled her eyes. “Does it ever occurred to you, that I don’t want to be with _you_?” The Master chuckled. “Who are you trying to fool?”

Both knew that she was lying, it didn’t matter which body they wore over the last millennia, it had always been the same. It would be the same until the Doctor would finally be able to pull the trigger and end both of their lives.

And she never would.

It was quite an impulsive action when the Master pushed her onto the bed, pinned her down with his own weight and held her wrist together. The Doctor gasped surprised before she came back to action. “Let go of me!” She started to struggle, and he had to admit that she looked _cute_ that angry.

“What’s the matter with you!” He grinned at her, knew that it made her furious. “I saw how you looked at _him_ , Doctor. Would you have told O to let go of you?” She stilled instantaneous in exchange a new expression formed in her eyes. He couldn’t quite place it, but it didn’t belong in this situation.

For a moment he believed she would scream at him (he wished she would) but suddenly she didn’t look like the great Doctor he adored but the lost child she had always been. And it was _wrong_!

“Let me go, Master, please!” If there would have been anger in her voice, he would have been cheerful, but she just sounded as if she would break in tears every second. As if she was _begging_. Where was the point in all his actions if all he got was a crying Doctor? He let go of her without a second thought.

The Doctor curled to a small ball, blocking her sight with both her hands. She looked pathetic. “Doctor?” She didn’t seem to even hear him. “Oh, come on. Don’t be such a _sulking_ idiot!” He decided to ignore her, slowly started to dress himself.

The Master had been so distracted he had forgotten about the bruises all over his body. It still _hurt_. His whole upper body looked like a poorly try of an exquisite carpet.

_Kill her_.

The cyberium suddenly whispered and he could feel it wander around in his head, his whole body. The Master started to laugh. The cyberium said a lot of ridiculous, sometimes yet genius things but that reached a new height. He decided to ignore it, too.

The Doctor still hadn’t moved when he finished to dress. The sight of her, just as she lay there motionless made him furious. It wasn’t right that way! It seemed to be time to actually _worry_.

With a single motion he pulled her up, she just managed to cry out surprised before he tightly held her shoulders. “What’s wrong with you?” He kept himself from scream. Something really wasn’t right. “What is wrong?!” He grabbed her even tighter, started to shake her. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?” She still wouldn’t look at him, her eyes were full of unshed tears and he realised, that he started to scream at her long ago.

The Master forced himself to lose his hold and talked to her with the calmest voice he could manage right now but it still sounded stressed. “Tell me what’s wrong, Doctor.” He carefully put a hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. “Please.”

Finally, the Doctor started to speak. “You look like him… You are him, because he never existed. It was never real.” Her low mumble didn’t make any sense but something inside his hearts tightened.

“Who?” He frowned. “O?” Silent tears ran down her face and the Master had the ridiculous need to pull the Doctor into a tight hug. He forced himself to let go of her and stepped back. “You are weird, Doctor.” He had intended it to sound mockery, but he realised he sounded like a child. The Master was pretty sure he had told her exactly the same when he hadn’t been the Master yet and the Doctor had laughed about his words. 

_You’re really weird, Theta._

That was the moment the Master realised what the strange expression had been.

Shame.

The Doctor had gripped his wrist and pulled him out of the room shortly afterwards to lead him to the console room. She hadn’t said a single word since then and that was just _wrong_. The Master needed the Doctor rambling about, well, anything. But he needed her to _talk_.

As always, the Doctor didn’t care what the Master needed.

Her flying skills hadn’t improved at all, and he didn’t even try to hide his thoughts from her. “You might think that you would have managed to pilot probably by now. Especially after we both know that you are way older than you believed, don’t you think, Doctor?”

She turned her head away from him without any respond that she heard him at all. A strange thought popped out in his clouded mind. It was a question he had asked himself about a century ago.

_Why did you destroy Gallifrey?_

Because it felt so right, it still did, but the Master knew that he was lying, like he was always lying. Like the Doctor was always lying.

He told the Doctor it hurt him, oh it hurt so much, it still did, but another look to the Doctor revealed the truth he had never forgotten. Because there was a simple explanation and everyone who knew him would have figured it out. Everyone but the Doctor because, as always, she was so _special_.

He started to laugh, because it was so ironically funny ( _incredibly sad_ ) that, as always, the Doctor, the one person who knew him the best (or had a long time ago) couldn’t figure out why he did it.

She was the reason, the Doctor had always been the reason for every disaster he ever created. And she still couldn’t see the obvious.

“Master?” He only realised he that he hadn’t stop laughing when she suddenly held his hand. He stopped abruptly, unable to understand what just happened.

“Yes, love?” He was still chuckling. “Please, don’t try to run.” She gave him the same sad smile she always used to give him in the year that never was. He missed her pinstripe suited self.

The Doctor started to pull him towards the door, whispered an excuse to the Tardis. She answered with a sad ring. The Master gave her an astonished look. “Are you just going to leave her?” He asked surprised. “There are worse places to be, don’t you think.” Without a second look, and that felt not at all like the Doctor he knew, she pulled him to the ever so blue box in front of them.

The Tardis, as always, started to make a fuss the moment he entered. “Oh, shut up, you stupid excuse of a time and space capsule.” Even after he cared for her she still couldn’t forgive him for turning her into a paradox machine. Stupid as the Doctor (Well, at least the Doctor had forgiven him).

“Leave her alone!” The Doctor snapped at him. “I missed you old Girl.” “Don’t start…” The Master sighed.

The next moment _everything_ changed.

The Master couldn’t stop laughing, even long after the Judoons captured the Doctor and actually left him, a _mass murderer_ who had no plans of stopping. He laughed so hard his knees couldn’t hold his weight anymore and he sank to the ground.  
He wouldn’t stop laughing even after he started to choke because it was ridiculous as always.

The Doctor had left him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!


	5. Bathtub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re all well! Stay safe. 
> 
> I tried something different with the pronouns in this chapter when the Doctor and the Master talk about the past. I hope it works for you, let me know what you think, it felt more natural than using the parentheses.
> 
> Have fun!

A look out of the window told her everything she needed to know. “No, no, no!” The Doctor started to move around hectically, scanning the walls, the door, even the floor. Her sonic didn’t pick up anything she hadn’t discovered yet.

“What have I done to you, you stupid universe!” She yelled out of the window. “Why me? It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR!” She didn’t even realise, that she was screaming.

There she was, trapped in an escape-proof prison and with no intention of trying to break out.

The Doctor sank to the ground, leaning her head against the cold wall. She was tired, there was no need rush anything. And even if she did – for what?

The Master in her Tardis – she couldn’t care less. “Just leave me alone, all of you…” She mumbled, every strength and rage she felt before disappeared into nothing. She couldn’t even feel the Tardis properly anymore. Normally she would start to sing for her right know. The Doctor knew that she was too far away, but it was easier to blame her than accept the truth.

“I don’t need you, I need nobody!”

She sounded pathetic. Maybe the Master was right… maybe she wasn’t worth anything, because she didn’t even know who she was.

The Master probably didn’t realise that it wasn’t the realisation that the Time Lords lied to her, _again_ , took all her memories away from her. Still, that was nothing new, the Doctor had always known what terrible things her race could do. So, it didn’t break her.

The one thing that destroyed her was the evidence that she finally lost her best friend. There was not turning back for him. Not this time. Because _he did this_ to her.

It weren’t the walls around her that kept her imprisoned, it was the truth that the Doctor had lost Koschei forever. Why should she even try to escape. The Master would only hurt her even more. A break didn’t seem that bad. She closed her eyes. Maybe that was right, exactly what she deserved.

The Doctor was trapped.

The Master had now idea how he managed to find his room that fast. Maybe because he hadn’t even tried to take control over the console room and the Tardis had wanted to have him out of immediate danger. She should know better.

His room hadn’t changed a bit since he was there the last time. That was long ago… before the Doctor had picked up that stupid distress call and managed to land on a mondasion ship full of cybermen and an _incredible stupid_ alien who had needed to shoot Bill. The day had started so nice.

Maybe the Tardis didn’t hate him as much as he thought, because he found a full bathtub after he entered the bathroom. In his last body she had loved to drift in the warm water, blocking out any thoughts at all and relax in the peaceful waves. If the Master was honest with himself, he still liked it.

“Why are you so nice?” He asked suspicious of the Tardis’ good will. The Tardis reached out to him just to show her irritation towards him. “Well, thank you, old Girl.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry, the feeling is mutual.” The Master could still feel her concern… she probably just worried about the Doctor.

His bathroom was one of the few rooms in the Tardis with a mirror. The Doctor hated her reflection since the time war. The Master knew about the day she destroyed every mirror she could find in a fit a rage and desperation.

No wonder she wasn’t always sure about her appearance, she once told him she intentionally looked just once a year into a mirror because she couldn’t bear the man who looked back at her, right through her eyes no matter which body she wore. It was the Warrior, who destroyed Gallifrey.

Even after she discovered she never pulverised the planet, she told him, back in the Vault, he was still looking at her which all the hatred she felt for herself. And as always, the Doctor ran.

The Master could kind of understood her feelings. He wasn’t the biggest fan the reflections of his eyes, too, but that never stopped him from daily using one. Nevertheless, he was in control, always had been, but if he stopped himself, he could see right inside Koscheis eyes and that was horrible.

The boy he once had been, was way too optimistic and trustful. So full of hope and dreams he would never reach. How could he bear a look in his innocent eyes, knowing that his whole life would shatter around him so soon. So, he blocked the boy he once had been out.

“You are stupid, Koschei.” He mumbled and turned away from his reflection. “He’s going to leave you.”

The Master started to undress, carefully laid inside the hot bathtub. The water was as relaxing as he remembered. He could feel the Tardis on his mental walls, chuckling. “All right, Old Girl, you are right.” He pushed her away the same moment he dived completely into the water.

It was peaceful.

Silence, nothing but the drums. But that was okay.

The Master needed noise, chaos and disaster to calm himself down, but it wasn’t unusual for him to end up unmoving in the depth of the next water.

Honestly, a hot bathtub was perfection.

His mind started to wander of.  
Pictures of red grass slowly waving due to the silent wind, the tickling of the beam of sunlight on his checks. His best friend, laughing about something unimportant. Peace.

_War. Fire. Burning cities, whole planets. Obedience. Control._

_A whole army of cybermen, ready to conquer the next world._

The Master startled, instantly surfaced and gasped for air even if he didn’t need it yet. These weren’t his thoughts!

As if the drums felt his distress they started to pound louder and louder and louder and louder.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

“Stop!” His own voice didn’t sound a dangerous as he intended but it was enough to bring him back to reality.

He had needed nearly 6 seconds of panic to remember the Cyberium. Too long. _Too long!_ The Master didn’t think about it anymore, not now, when he didn’t need it at all.

Right now, he wanted nothing but his peace and the Doctor (not that he would admit that), the Cyberium wanted war and domination. And the Master had promised his whole being for its destiny.

The Master could feel it forcing its way through his body, demanding his attention. And it _hurt_.

“FUCK!”

He threshed around, the Cyberium was _everywhere_. He could see his whole upper body glow silver and he laughed. “That’s how you play. Cute!”

The Master screamed.

The man came back to his senses in a nearly emptied bathtub. He was covered in foam, his face pressed into the substance. The Master coughed, getting rid of the soapy feeling in his mouth.

Slowly he sat up. The floor was wet from the spilled water, but the Tardis seemed to have drained most of it herself.

She still tried to help him. At least someone believed at him.

The Master could feel her absent humming and it would have been calming if the whispers in his head would leave him.

The Cyberium seemed calm, but he could feel that it was seething. “Don’t play games with me!” he hissed, speaking loud helped him to get control over the situation.

“You _obey me_! Don’t even try to _argue_!”

The Master could feel the rage, he wasn’t sure if it was his own and just knew, that the Cyberium was planning something. Whatever it was, he would twist it to his favours.

Slowly he stepped out of the empty bathtub and was faced with his exhausting looking reflection in the mirror. He could swear he saw silver flicker over his face.

“Just try it!” He laughed. “But I warn you, I always win.”

As if to mock him (and that was definitely its intention) he saw the Doctor. The Doctor everywhere. _Winning_. Always winning. Every face she ever wore – no! That hurt, he never met all of them. How could he.

The mirror smashed under his fists and he stroke again and again and again and again until nothing, but shattered fragments were left.

The Cyberium was cheerful, encouraged him to go on, to destroy _everything_.

The Tardis whimpered in his head, not even trying to calm him down just showing him she understood his pain.

How could she? How could she?

The Doctor, she looked at him with this pitiful look. She looked down at him like he was nothing (how could he be _anything_ compared to her?!) and she laughed.

Fourteen different faces laughed at him, her third body in front of them all, the usually kind eyes full of hate. The Mater was afraid of it.

He tumbled, his toes jolted against something, but he just moved out of the bathroom, stumbling into his bed, trying to get rid of the pictures in front of him. _Not real, not real…_ But something – his mind(?), the Cyberium (?) – wouldn’t let him rest. Because he stood there like he did millennia ago.

Theta pointed his finger at him. “You are insane.”

He closed his eyes, covered his ears and started to scream, even louder than the noise in his head.

The Master could still hear the Doctor’s laugher.

Four Minutes and 7 seconds later the Master took control over the situation. Oh, he was angry. He was so angry. He hadn’t slipped like that for years and a part of him knew, that it was the Cyberium’s doing.

He hadn’t realised his bleedings hands before, but the stained pillow took his attention. “Oh brilliant.” He snarled the same moment he could feel the painful throbbing in his knuckles. The Master reached for his coat, he had a portable tissue regenerator in there somewhere, but instead he grabbed his mobile.

He ended up on his chat as O with the Doctor. That had been good times, the Doctor had been so open-minded towards him. He missed the times when it had been just natural for her to think like that. Somewhere down the line she stopped seeing him like a new opportunity to _help him_. To make him good. He hoped she knew how ridiculous that sounded.

“Look at that.” He grinned. The Doctor was online. Some human technologies had their fun. And stalking the Doctor had been his favourite hobby as O. Time to write her again.

The Doctor knew she was sulking but and wallowing in self-pity but, Rassilon, it felt _good_. She was still incredible angry put she was too tired to care anymore. Besides it felt wonderful to stop caring about anything even if she was lying to herself.

Maybe that was the price she had to pay for her reckless life.

It was an even better way to pity herself scrolling up and down her conversation with the Master. He was still under “O” in her mobile phone even after she had written with him after the reveal. She wasn’t exactly sure how many years had passed for him – did he say nine years? – but because the Master hadn’t cared about the laws of time it had been millennia for her.

**You were so nice.**   
**I would love to see you again.**

He had written her after she met him for the first time. He had been so gentle with him, this strange MI6 agent O who didn’t care about the even stranger man with his bowtie and tweed jacket who wouldn’t stop talking and talking until his soft lips had silenced his rambling.

He had felt good to kiss someone who didn’t seem to want anything else from him, just being kind. No River, who he still hadn’t really known. No liabilities like he felt after his first kiss with River which left him confused because he hadn’t been able to see anything else but her burned corpse – a future he destined her, even if the Doctor hadn’t known that yet.

Amy had grinned at him. “Oh Doctor… See how he looks at you.” She had laughed and the Doctor had felt his cheeks turn red, because his time with O had been wonderful.

Sweet little Amelia Pond. Dead. Amazing impossible River Song. Dead.

And the Master… still alive, maybe just to show her the destruction she left behind.

**How is it possible you won’t change your coat for hundreds and hundreds of years but destroy the lives of you pets in just a few months.**

The Master had asked her after she wouldn’t stop bothering him about the destroyed Gallifrey.

**Where’s the different, Doctor?**   
**How many lives have you destroyed because you took your pets with you.**

She sometimes wondered if he was right. _  
  
_

**Do you think I’m a good man?**

The Doctor had asked him after Clara hadn’t been able to give him a prober answer.

**You’re a wonderful alien.**

O had answered and had started to list everything he had thought was perfect about him. Strangely the words of the agent had been exactly what he had needed that day. The Doctor had wondered how that Stranger had been able to find the right words. Now she knew.

The Doctor had written him after Missy had appeared for the first time.

**I met a friend.**   
**My best friend.**   
**I don’t think she’s dead.**   
**I hope she isn’t dead.**

Her previous self had been terrible in finding the right way to writing O but that had been alright because he had sent a nearly five-minute-long voice message where O had talked about friendship.

The Doctor should have known. Oh, she should had known it back then.

**Look, I regenerated, what do you think?!**

The Doctor had sent him a selfie before she even had looked properly in a mirror.  
She had been so excited to hear his thoughts and O’s answer hadn’t disappoint her.

**I like your hair and you have beautiful eyes. Still handsome.**   
**I want to see you again!**

He had written like an innocent teenage boy and the Doctor hadn’t stop grinning. It had been nice to be adored by someone who just didn’t cared about her changing appearance. Despite the fact that she had only met him centuries ago her hearts had started to beat faster every time O had written her.

The Doctor had enjoyed the feeling of having a crush. O had been smart and nice, and had known exactly what she needed to hear. They had started to write all the time, to send each other pictures, voice messages and funny cat videos. O had truly been her friend.

And then he turned out the be the Master, her best friend. Her enemy.

**Why have you done that? Why?**

The Doctor had asked again and again after she found Gallifrey. He hadn’t answered her question.

But they had written each other again and it somehow had been nice to have at least a little bit her best friend back. Not that the Doctor or the Master ever admitted that.

The Doctor was lost in her chat with O that she was startled by the vibration of her mobile. A new message. From O.

**Still busy breaking out? Hurry up, I’m about to disassemble your Tardis.**

The Doctor didn’t know if she should cry or laugh. She smiled.


	6. Incoming Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took me so long to upload this chapter, I don’t know why but I really struggled with it. I hope it turned out okay. 
> 
> Have fun!

A part of the Doctor worried what he might do to her Tardis but on the other hand, she was almost certain that he was still unable to touch her controls, she had never changed the settings after the disaster on the mondasian ship.

Still, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to answer. The Doctor put the phone back into one of her coat pockets. She wondered why she still had all her things, she had a lot of useful tools in her pockets she could use to break through that door.

Were her captures that arrogant and believed she wouldn’t be able to escape if she _really_ wanted to?

She also hadn’t seen anybody yet. What was their plan? Starve her to death? The Judoons who captured her hadn’t explained anything, only told her it was a _life sentence_. She wondered what Ruth had done to deserve such an isolated cell.

Not Ruth… The Doctor.

Maybe it was the best to pity herself again. But as to annoy her the Doctors phone started to ring. She didn’t even look who was calling. She knew anyway.

The Doctor closed her eyes and ignored the annoying music out of her pocket. She should really change her ringtone.

Finally, he stopped calling. The peace didn’t last long.

This time she took the phone without the intention to answer the call.

**Incoming call** , her phone told her. **O**  
Human technology… as if she didn’t know. But the Doctor didn’t want to hear about her failures, about a lives she couldn’t remember.

_I must have been a terrible person._

Thankfully the stupid ringing stopped.

The Doctor wondered if she even wanted to know the things a previous self had done. Because whoever that person had been, she couldn’t accept that it had been her. There was a reason why she wouldn’t stop calling Ruth by the name she met her.

_She isn’t me!_

As if to spite her the phone started to ring again. “Oh, shut up!”

_Shut up, Koschei, I need to think._ Theta used to say but he wouldn’t stop laughing until he had burst into laughter, too.

The Doctor missed these times, she missed her friendship…

Her phone still wouldn’t stop.

**Incoming call  
O **

“I know, shut up!”

She should change his name, accept the truth that O never existed. Wouldn’t it be nice to see all the kind messages O had written for her under the Master’s name?

The buzzing stopped, finally.

“Isn’t that what you wanted, Master?” she mumbled “Aim achieved…”

Exactly that moment the stupid phone started ringing, _again_.

If he tried to annoy her, he achieved his goal. But she could fight back, too.

And yes, maybe she did it to spite him. Maybe it was just the same way of communicating with him like she had done in Paris. The Doctor didn’t know, but she still picked up the _fourth_ time he called.

“What’s the matter with you!” She snarled into the phone. “Just leave me alone.”

Silence. “Master?”

Finally, someone started to speak. “Doctor? Are you alright?” The Doctor froze unable to process what was happening. Her hand started to sake while her brain was busy trying to figure out what he had planned. “Are you still there, Doctor?”

That wasn’t the Master.

His voice was too kind, too gentle, too caring. “Why are you doing this?” She whispered.

“What have I done. I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” The Doctor couldn’t remember the last time the Master apologizes, but the man on the phone wasn’t her oldest friend but someone who had been her friend.

“Doctor?” She wanted to curse him for his cruelty but a stupid part of her longed for it to be real.  
Her lips moved but no sound escaped them. “Hello O, I missed you.” They said but no one heard them.

“What do you want, _Master_?”

“What are you talking about, Doctor? Don’t you remember me?”

He sounded desperate but still incredible kind and the Doctor remembered the gentleness he showed everyone he ever met. It was nice to think that the Master was able to be that person. But the truth was, that it had been nothing, but a game and the Doctor had been the bait.

"Stop it, please!" It was wrong and yet a part of her longed for it to be real. The Doctor wanted O who just knew what she needed without even knowing her.

But of course, she couldn't have him. The only reason O had been that perfect was because he hadn't been real. He was nothing but a creation of the Master, only born to be exactly what she needed.

Her lost friend.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" She knew it was the Master, mocking her but… he sounded like O. He _was_ O.

The Doctor couldn't cope with the Master right know, but O… that wasn't so bad.

The Doctor let the Master play his game with her. And she played along.

"I miss my friend." The words left the Doctor's lips before she knew what she was saying.

The Master would twist the words to hurt her so much more, but he wasn't there right now. O was.

"I'm here, I'm always here for you." A sad smile framed her face.

"No, you're not. You aren't real."

"But I am. Doctor, don't you remember all the things we did together?"

Of course, she did. All the perfect answers to confusing questions, all the gentle commands for her broken hearts. O had been the invisible voice who guided her through the crisis when her friends couldn't cope with her anymore.

"I miss you…" she whispered. "Everything that you were to me. Thank you… but O was never real. And it's time to let him go." The Doctor swallowed hard, but the Master didn't answer. "Goodbye O."

"Why would you say that?" O sounded hurt. The Doctor felt something inside her hearts break.

"Master stop. Please!"

"But I'm here. Can't you hear me? What do you need?" Her eyes were full of unshed tears and she wasn't even sure why she was crying. Stupid things, tears.

"Doctor, what do you need?" It was possible just her imagination but for the first time since the Doctor picked up the phone the man on the other side of the line didn't sound like O anymore, but the Master.

_Doctor, what do you need?_

_You, I need you, back by my side. But that's not possible anymore._ But of course, she couldn't tell him, she couldn't even properly admit it to herself. "I need my friend." She whimpered.

"But we both know that's not possible anymore."

"Why?" She wished she could see his face only to tell if O's gentle, warm eyes would look back at her or if it was the Master with his familiar dark expression. Because the Doctor needed… needed… she would never admit who she needed.

But the Master and the Doctor both knew the answer. And maybe that was all that mattered.

"I can be whoever you want me to be?" The voice on the phone whispered. "No. Just stop it. Just stop it."

And suddenly she was on another phone, heard another voice but yet the same man spoke to her.  
_"You must have been like god."_

"Tell me, Master, how did it feel like?" The Doctor whispered. "Did you feel like god?"

All at once he started to laugh and there was nothing left that could be interpreted as O. He remembered their conversation, too.

"Yes, love. I did. To be the one to judge their crimes, to end all their lives." For a moment there was nothing left but their breathing. "But do you know what, Doctor. I know that you did, too."

The phone hit the next wall, but she could still hear his laugher and all she wanted to do was to scream.

Because he was right. Even if she never did it, she had judged the lives of the billions of innocent people were worth nothing compared to the rest. She still dreamed of the children she damned to death.

The decision of a single man and that man wasn't the Doctor. 

The Doctor picked up her phone, nearly dropped it again because her hands wouldn't stop shaking. The display was broken but the Master was still chuckling. "What do you want?"

"Haven't you realised yet, my dear? I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me."

He was lying, she knew that he was lying. But why?! Why did he provoke her like that, what did he intended to do with her rage?

"I'm sorry, but that isn't about me." She switched off the connection before he had a change to respond.

_Theta silently watched his roommate who wouldn’t stop shouting and screaming._

_“Just go, Theta, go!” he yelled at him, coughing because he had screamed for hours now.  
“I hate you too, you know that, don’t you?!” Another high-pitched scream. _

_“Go away, just go away and tell everyone how insane I am, won’t you?”_

_Theta made a careful step towards him. “Kosch… I would never do that.”  
He wasn’t sure if his friend had heard him, but he made another step. _

_“Koschei?” Theta whispered. “It’s alright, I’m sorry they said that, but they are wrong.”  
The boy looked at him, puffy red eyes, mouth slightly agape as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to start screaming again. _

_“Just go.” He sounded tired, hurt. One fast move and Theta wrapped his arms around Koschei. “No!” He said with firm voice. “I’m your friend.”  
“Go!” Theta wasn’t sure if it was a whimper or a desperate scream, but his friend wouldn’t even try to fight him. _

_“I’m sorry, Kosch, but you aren’t angry with me.”_

_The truth was, that Koschei wasn’t angry at all but incredible hurt._

_“I’m always there for you, don’t you know?” Finally, the small boy hugged him too, silently starting to cry. “I’m sorry.” Koschei whimpered but Theta just held him with the promise of never letting go._

The Doctor knew, how the Master thought and how every stupid loss of his temper was nothing but a desperate scream for attention because he couldn’t cope with his pain alone anymore. And the Doctor shoved him away, _again_ , like she did it most of the times since Theta Sigma and Koschei stopped existing.

But she wasn’t sure if she could forgive him after what he did to Gallifrey. If she _wanted_ to forgive him…

_(I forgive you after all yo_ _u've done. I forgive you.)_

Nevertheless, she ended up with her phone in her hands, measuring her options. The truth was, whatever she did, the Master would win. There was no point in refusing him his satisfaction.

The Doctor called the man memorised as O. He picked up before the Doctor even heard her phone beeping. “Doctor.” The Master sounded calm but something in his voice had a hollow tone.

“Master?” She was aware how cold she sounded but she had no intention of change it. “No stupid games, anymore. Talk to me or leave me alone!”

“Aren’t you afraid I’m going to hurt your Tardis.” She was sure that he tried to sound amused, but she could hear how exhausted he was. “No, I’m not. What do you want?”

“You called me.”

“Stop your games or I will hang up!”

The Master sighed. “I had a lot of time to think after I discovered the truth about Gallifrey’s origins. About _you_ …” “And?” Instead of one of his familiar monologues she got something very different…

“I always have been so hurt that you left me, after you ran away.” The Doctors eyes snapped open. Did he just admitted that she hurt him that day?! She had known it, but he never uttered it himself. “I was so hurt, I just couldn’t understand how you threw away our friendship like that.”

“You wouldn’t talk to me…” Her voice was barely audible. “You hurt me, Doctor.” “I know, I’m sorry. But you wouldn’t talk to me!”

“Excuses love, nothing but excuses. I realised after I discovered your origin… It was time to move on like you always do. With all of your pets… and me, of course.”

“Master, what are you talking?!” He ignored her. “I wonder how many friends you had, how many Koschei’s you promised every star in the universe. I have been nothing but a replacement.” “Master…”

“No!” His voice got colder but still too calm for him. “You listen to me! I finally realised the truth. It’s not even your own fault, it’s just the way you always have been.”

“Master, I don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry, love, you will. Deep down you already know. You just need to accept it yourself.”

“I would never _replace_ you!” The Master laughed, deep and sad. “Well, what have you done all those centuries? You left me Doctor, to pick up a human who doesn’t know you, yet. And you replace them again and again and again and again – “ 

“Stop!”

“Why, because the _famous Doctor_ wouldn’t be like that?! I tell you what, you did admit it yourself, told me _you were so much more than me_. And do you know what, you a right. Compared to you, I’m _nothing_!”

The Doctor was lost for words. “What?! Master…” But he already hung up.

The Doctor sunk to the floor, shaking and utterly shocked what he just confessed to her.

His previous phone call made so much more sense.

What did he want with her rage? A terrible realisation crossed her mind.

He wanted her to kill him. 

The Doctor started to cry because no matter what the Master did, he was still Koschei, deep inside he was nothing but the best friend she ever had. Her Koschei. A universe without him… Her mind refused to think about it.

All the times she thought him dead… it had hurt too much to even think about it.

The Master came always back, always! The Doctor curled to a small ball, crying, shaking because her view of the universe had just started to crack.

There weren’t many things she was certain of, there weren’t even many things she believed.

But if the Master wanted to leave her, finally leave her alone, not just to spite her, something terrible had happened.

And the Doctor was sure it was her fault.


	7. Cellmate

The anger slowly started to decrease a little bit. It left back the emptiness Theta used to fill back on Gallifrey. The Master still had his face buried in his hands, but he started to peek through his fingers to get a look on his phone.

The Doctor didn’t call again.

The Master had two options if he wanted to work out what she was planning. He could wait for her to call him again or he could work it out himself. Since the Doctor never had been a reliable person in most things, he chose the second option.

The Cyberium didn’t approve at all with his choice he could feel the excruciate pain in his head while the AI started to attack his memories. He could feel it poke on his feelings towards the Doctor and the Master pushed against the unwelcomed intruder inside his head.

Maybe it hadn’t been the best decision he ever made to take the Cyberium.

He forced it away while he could feel that his nose started to bleed. Before he had a change to do anything else, the Tardis slowly wiggled into his mind and gave the Cyberium a nasty push. The Master could feel his walls shake while he groaned due to the unexpected headache. The Tardis left his head as fast as she slipped through his barriers but the Cyberium didn’t seem to return.

At least something, he thought while he wiped away the blood on his face. The Master might have thanked the Tardis if she would have asked his permission. He was a really good telepath, but he needed to work out where he left cracks in his walls. And more important, he needed to work out how to properly fight against something that was already _inside_ him.

The Master’s foot was tapping with the rhythm of the drums while his fingers chased over the keyboard. It was far to easy to hack inside the surveillance system of a highly secured prison. Or maybe he was too good. The Master grinned.

His face fell after he found the right cell. The Doctor sat in the corner of the small room, knees pulled to the chest, face hidden behind the mess she called hair. If he wasn’t wrong at all she was _crying_. Her whole body shook even through no sound escaped her.

Something inside his stomach dropped. The Doctor wouldn’t be any fun like that!

Without even considering his options the Master started to change the settings of the prison to make sure the cell next to her would be free. He couldn’t let her _weep_ like that, she was the Doctor, she needed to chase him across the planets. The Master wouldn’t just wait for her to pull herself together and it was far to easy to work out what to do next.

It took quiet an effort to convince the Tardis to move given that he was still unable to touch the controls.

“I promise, I will tell the Doctor where I left you!” The Master let the Tardis peek into his mind to show her his intentions. He could still change them later.

“But you need to move, she won’t break out on her own for quiet a while!”

The Tardis hummed sadly. “Yes, I’m sorry. She’s an idiot.” Her approving laugher filled his mind and the Master couldn’t help but smile. “Please, Old Girl.” He asked with the kindest voice he could manage.

Her growling signalised him she started to move. “Thank you!” Another hum.

He wasn’t sure how long she was going to manoeuvre until they reached the destination, she chose to be best, but his thoughts started to wander off.

The Tardis carefully wiggled though his mind and he let her pass. Although she didn’t like him, she had started to be gentle with the Master since he started to repair the damage the Doctor managed to ignore for centuries.

As time all happened at once for the Tardis, he couldn’t blame her for her feelings towards him, from her point of view the Master was still turning her into a paradox machine.

_Did you know her back then?_ He asked her while she took a particular look at his discovery inside the Matrix. She just gave an indefinable hum.   
_I bet you did…_

“I’m _not_ jealous!” He snarled loudly at her due to her undeniable accuse towards him. Her present started to wrap around his feelings, but the Master pushed her away. “Privacy, Old Girl!” He hissed only to be granted with a gentle push towards his mind. _It hurt me…_ Sympathetic humming as if she wanted to share his pain.

Her comfort felt good, she didn’t even seem to judge his actions. The Master would never admit it, but he actually liked the Tardis and he had a feeling she felt the same… not that she would ever express that towards the Doctor. _Two idiots… no wonder the Doctor chose us…_ The Tardis was laughing inside his mind while something beeped as if she chuckled at the same time, too.

Their time came to a fast end because she materializes with her typical groaning. “Brakes…” The Master hissed while he wandered towards the door. “You need to let me out, Old Girl, I’m sure the Doctor didn’t change the settings.” The force field faltered in front of his eyes.

“Thank you… I’m going to bring her back.” A last reassuring humming and he left the blue box only to stumble down a hill. “Aaargh!” The Master growled while he managed to find a secure foothold. _You did that on purpose!_ He snarled towards the Tardis, but she didn’t answer him.

The hardest part was over, if he trusted he Tardis there must be Judoons close by. He just needed to find the next civilisation and provoke them to get captured. Shouldn’t be too hard. The Master started to move.

During all her crying and mourning her lost friendship the Doctor had drifted off to sleep only to be caught in another painful situation. It wasn’t one of her usual nightmares, but she wasn’t sure if this dream wasn’t worse.

It gave her hope… hope that would be pulled away from her the moment she woke up.

The Doctor dreamed of the little girl she apparently once had been. She watched her play with the boy, laughing. The boy pushed the girl down the cliff, it was obviously an accident, the boy looked shocked, crying. She couldn’t hear the girl’s name, but the Doctor heard her talk to the boy.  
She called him Koschei.

She saw Ruth (who wasn’t Ruth, who couldn’t be her, who was her) kissing the man who called himself Lee. He was dead now, of course, all the Doctors friend had their live destroyed, but Ruth kissed him, nevertheless. The Doctor was jealous, because Lee hold her, kissed her, like the Master used to do. He looked at her the same way Koschei used to look at Theta.

The Doctor didn’t want to be the observer anymore, stepped right in front of the kissing figures. “Master?” she whispered. Lee slowly turned around, but the moment their eyes met he wasn’t Lee anymore. “Doctor, where have you been?” The Master looked at her, smiling. No, he wasn’t just the Master, he was someone else, someone the Doctor used to love. He watched her with the same innocent Koschei used to do. He was smiling, such a big happy smile. “I missed you Thete, where have you been?”

The Doctor woke up, her face wet with tears.

Hope… such a dangerous feeling.

The Doctor had hoped too much, hope just ripped away the moment she tried to relax. She wouldn’t be that foolish to hope she could change the Master’s hatred towards her.

Maybe, one day she would be able to accept it even if she wasn’t sure what that day would mean. It possible would be the day she stopped being the Doctor.

Here she was, back to her disavowed thoughts. _The Doctor_ was the only constant in her live (the Master used to be it too, but if she believed him their friendship had been nothing but seconds to her) but it was nothing but a name she used to disguise the monster who hide behind.

“Who am I?” She whispered into the empty cell. _If I’m not the Doctor, who am I?_ She rubbed her eyes as if to clear her sight. _If I lost the Master, who can I possible be?_ Desperate giggles escaped her because the whole situation was _wrong_.

Doctor Who? Most people she met would ask her. Doctor Who?

The Master had known the answer, now he claimed he didn’t know the truth anymore. _Who am I?_

A loud bang threw her out of her sorrow. Followed by steps, another bang, someone started to do something on the outside of her door. It sounded like a combination lock. The Doctor tried to memorise the clicks, it could be useful if she decided against staying here, anymore.

Two Judoon entered her prison cell. They were armed with stun guns and the Doctor stumbled to her feet and crossed her arms. “Why am I here!” she demanded to know.

Neither of the two responded to her, one of them placed a bowl of _something_ and a water bottle on the ground. “Eat.” He demanded. “Why am I here?” The Doctor asked again. “What have I done?”

“You are guilty of your crimes.” The other one explained to her. “What crimes?! What am I accused of doing?” Silence. “Tell me!” Her voice got louder. One of the Judoon raised his gun. “Silence. The Prisoner is not supposed to ask questions. Behave or there will be consequences.”

The Doctor’s face got even darker but with two guns pointed at her, she wasn’t in the position to argue. The stun guns would _hurt_. “Not fair…” she growled but none of her guards paid attention.

“Eat.” They demanded again and started to leave her cell. “Wait!” the Doctor yelled. “Talk to me!” The Judoons didn’t even seem to hear her. “I’m a Time Lord! Don’t you dare to capture me!” She hissed. That got their attention. The one on the left gave her an annoyed look. In another situation the Doctor would have giggled over his expression but right now she wanted answers.

“I’m a Time Lord!” She repeated.

“The other one told us the same.” The Doctor’s face fell. “The other one?”

The door slammed shut right in front of her face. “No, wait!” She shouted again. “What do you mean?” But the leaving steps told her, that no one was listening to her. “Not fair!”

She started to inspect the undefined _something_ that was supposed to be her food. Carefully the Doctor put a finger in the sticky substance and licked it. She grimaced. Time Lord metabolism… she could probably wait a few days… she wasn’t that hungry. Her growling stomach disagreed. “Oh, shut up!”

She carefully started to open the bottle and drank a good among of the clear liquid when she _felt him_. “No! Can’t be!”

“Already talking to yourself… and they say I’m insane.” The Doctor chocked on her next gulp. “Not possible!” She manged between coughing. “You can’t be here!”

“Hello Doctor.” The voice to her left answered. He sounded muffled due to the thick wall between them but there was no doubt it was the Master, she could feel his telepathically present.

“Master, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, don’t worry, love. I got bored and it sounded like a nice holiday, I decided to join you.”

The Doctor let her head fall against the wall. The day couldn’t possibly become worse.

_Don’t worry, love, I’m as much a prisoner as I was in the Vault._ He told her through their connection without even asking for her permission.

The Doctor couldn’t help but laugh.


	8. Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter deals with hitting one’s head against a wall.

“Why are you here?!” The Doctor wasn’t sure if she was annoyed or angry. “Seriously, why are you that stupid?” The Master started to laugh because both knew what a genius he was.

“Told you, I got bored.”

The Doctor groaned while she slid down the wall, back against the cold stones. “And you thought it was a good idea to go to a prison?” The Master laughed again.

“Of course, love. Even your Tardis agreed.” Her huddled form abruptly sat upright. “What have you done to her?” She barked at him. “Nothing, my dear, don’t you remember, I can’t touch the console or enter most rooms.”

Well, that was true… but she believed that the Master was able to find a way past her restrictions if he wanted to. The Doctor was too far away to even feel her ship and it felt terrible to have that gap inside her mind, screaming for her loyal friend.

“Doctor?” The Master asked her, voice still muffled through the wall but unmistakable amused. “What?” She hissed back. “Nothing, I just wondered how it was possible for you to stop talking.” He laughed at her while the Doctor closed her eyes annoyed of him and his useless babbling.

“Oh, come on, Doctor, I’m bored, don’t ignore me.” If it wouldn’t be for the malicious tone in his voice, she might have believed him.   
He nearly sounded like the bored student he once had been. _I’m bored, Theta, come on, let’s go._ The Doctor sighed, if she needed to guess he did it intentionally. She still refused to talk to him.

The Doctors offended silence kept going for the next three hours even if she really had a hard time while the Master wouldn’t stop talking to her, most of the time he made fun of everything he could thing of without really hurting her. The Doctor was confused, she had expected him to scream at her after his phone call.

Oh, it was hard. The Master was right, it was hard to keep silence and barricade her mind while she had so many things she wanted to say. It was even harder since the Master wouldn’t stop talking and talking as if he adopted her usual rambling due to her silence.

Somehow it made the Doctor incredibly sad. Her already cracked mood got lost in darker emotions because she knew what the Master was playing. He just waited for her to lose her temper so that she would hurt him even more.

The Doctor was ashamed about her words towards him on Gallifrey. She had told him she was so much more than him… As angry as she had been, there had been a time when she would have chased across the universe to prevent any pain from him. The Doctor wondered what her younger self would say if he could see her.

Theta would be shocked how she treated his beloved Koschei, he wouldn’t care that his best friend wasn’t innocent in the whole situation.

The Doctor giggled, oh, he would hate her. If Theta would have known his future, he would have run away even faster than he already had. Stupid, stupid Theta Sigma.

“Doctor?” The Master chuckled. “Are you alright?” Of course, she wasn’t alright, neither was he, but he already knew that. She buried her face in her hands and let her mind wander of. Instead of focusing on nice memories she just popped back to past encounters with the Master.

Repressed conversations started to pop up, so many horrible things she had done. And if she trusted the Judoon’s judgement her forgotten past selves hadn’t been innocent either. Her hands slowly went down while she leaned her head against the cold stones behind her.

“I’m not a good man, never were…” The Doctor whispered, face pressed against the wall. The Master heard her anyway. He chuckled and she could imagine is stupid grin.

“Well, first, Doctor, you might have realised… but you’re a _woman_. For a few years, I think, actually.”

She just ignored him. “I’m just this raving mad man in a box… woman?”

“Second” the Master continued without responding to her. “We had that conversation. You remember? I know, you’re really old, but memory loss, already.” He snorted with laugher.

“What a nice time, do you remember, Doctor? On that graveyard, threw you out of a plane, nearly killed your pet. Well, she’s dead anyway. What was her name? She was a fun one, wasn’t she? Oh, yes. _Clara_.”

The Doctor felt a sting in her hearts, of course he would start to hurt her the moment she had found her voice again. She successfully supressed her memories of her lost friends most of the time, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to be the Doctor anymore. Regardless, she didn’t respond to his teasing.

“You told me you needed your friend back…”

For a moment she though he didn’t hear her, but when he spoke, he was close to his manic laugher. “And you believed me.”

It would have worked with anyone else, but the Doctor _knew_ the Master. She knew his mockery, his fast-changing moods, his laugher she could hear right now, were nothing but his desperate way to tell her how lost he was. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it, but after over three thousand years the Doctor knew what she was dealing with.

“What happened on the Mondasian ship, Koschei.” She asked with calm, gentle voice.

He laughed even harder before she heard a bang. Followed by three more. 1-2-3-4.

“Stop!” She wasn’t even surprised about the panic in her voice, but the Master hadn’t stop laughing, even though he just knocked his head against the wall.

“And what if I don’t, _Doctor_. What are you going to do? Hey, what are you going to do?!” He started to laugh that hard that she could almost not understand him.   
“You never cared. Of course, you never would, you were always that _special_ , you never ever cared for me!”

“Koschei, calm down.”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT”

He was back in his raging and she could hear something else bang against the wall. Thankfully it wasn’t his head again.

“Master, stop!”

_Contact_. She tried to reach him telepathically again and again, even tried to force herself in his mind, but it didn’t work. He just screamed.

And even if it hurt her to listen to his screams, they told her a truth she had successfully supressed since she had met him again. The Doctor always wondered if something else had happened that day, something she hadn’t realised.   
But of course, it had been much easier to talk herself into believing, that the Master had betrayed her than accepting that she missed _something_.

“Master, please, calm down!” She yelled over his screaming. “Tell me what happened!” The Doctor wasn’t sure if he didn’t hear her or chose to ignore her. Either way she tried again. “Master, talk to me!”

“NO!” At least he gave her an answer. “I’m sorry if I missed something, but you betrayed me that day… so please tell me what happened.”

Whatever she had said the Master started to roar even louder. _I’m sorry…_ She told him through their connection, not even sure if he received her words. The Doctor wasn’t sure what she was apologising for, but she needed to find out.

Among the Master’s pained screams she could her heavy steps on their floor. Of course, the Judoon heard him too.

“Shit!” The Doctor hissed. “Not good, not good… Master, _please_ , be quiet.” She could already feel the minds of their guards and she was sure they wouldn’t be gentle with him.

“Koschei, please!” The Doctor begged but he wouldn’t listen.

She shouldn’t care if the guards would hurt him, but somehow, she still cared.

There was only one option she had left. “Hey, you stupid Rhinos!” she yelled though the door. “I bet you don’t even know how to use your stupid guns. Well, I wouldn’t be able to do with such a big horn right in front of my eyes.” She felt ashamed for insulting them but there wasn’t another option left.

She wasn’t sure why she did it, but there was only one logical explanation. The Doctor draw the attention towards herself because the Master was her _best friend_. And nothing he could do would change that fact.

And her stupid plan worked. Three armed guards opened her door, angry eyes looked at her. The Doctor crossed her arms and gave them the annoyed look she could manged while her hearts tried to jump out of her chest in fear for the Master.

“Hey, you… you _space rhinos_.” One of the guards made an annoyed grunt.

“It’s not her.”

That was all he needed to say to ruin her stupid plan. “No!” The Doctor yelled but they shut the door before she had a change to stop them. Only seconds later another cell was opened. And the Master still wouldn’t stop screaming.

“No… please, stop!”

She could feel the Master’s anger and pain and knew that there was nothing she could do. As always, the Doctor couldn’t help when it was actually important.

A shot.

“No, leave him alone! Leave him alone! Please!” She could hear a body fall to the ground, the screaming stopped abruptly. They probably used a stun gun. Another shot.

“STOP!”

She was pounding against the wall even after her knuckles started to bleed.

Finally, a door closed with a loud bang. “Master?” The Doctor was really panicking right now. “Master, please, say something!” He probably was convulsing after the stun gun shots. If she counted correctly, he had been hit five times, the electricity must still paralyse his body.

She reached for him, could feel his distress. “It’s alright. That’s perfectly normal!” She told him loud and through their connection.

“You probably won’t be able to move for a while, occasionally have a seizure, don’t panic.” Of course, he already knew that but calling by his distress he couldn’t think straight.

“Master, I’m right here, just listen to my voice. You’re not alone. I’m here for you. It’s alright, try to relax.” She heard a choking sound. “I know it hurts, but everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

Finally, he started to laugh. She had never been that relieved to hear his manic outburst. He sounded weak, not quite lucid, but otherwise he seemed physically fine.

She could hear him hum an old lullaby he had used to sing for his daughter. Occasionally he started to laugh until he sounded if he nearly choked. But he wouldn’t stop humming, sometimes even sang particular lines.

The Doctor sat next to the wall, knees close to her chest, arms wrapped around them. Crying. The tears silently run down her face, unable to give the Master any kind of comfort.

“I’m here. You know I’m here.” She said every few minutes, but he didn’t respond at all, just continued with the lullaby, hysterical laugher escaping him now and then.

The… the… what was his name?!

Something was terribly wrong.

Who was he?

“Who am I?” His voice was shaking, barely audible.

And who was the person on the other side of the wall?! She was telepathically reaching for him, trying to talk to him but something inside his mind refused him the control over his thoughts. It felt weird, like floating into nothingness. Nearly peaceful and still incredibly wrong as if he walked right into battle.

His lips moved without his consent, singing words he couldn’t manage to understand. He saw a girl, smiling at him, calling him _Dad_? He wasn’t sure, couldn’t grasp the fast-moving pictures of his past.

Who was the little girl he used to sing to?

And who was the boy who wouldn’t stop appearing. He got older but as much as he tried to push him away, the boy, the man, stayed.   
“Who are you?” He whispered, relieved that he seemed to be able to talk at least.

Something was wiggling though his mind and he was unable to stop it from messing around with his memories. The only thing he achieved while trying to force it out was a bleeding nose. It hurt his head. He groaned, only to start humming again.

“I’m here, I’m here for you.” The strange voice told him. He knew that he should know her name, she was someone important, but he couldn’t find it. She told him she was there for him – she was lying. He was alone, nobody was with him.

Nobody but the boy in his mind. He smiled at him, reaching out for him and suddenly he knew. He didn’t know his name, but he knew who that stupid boy was and that he was right there behind that wall, telling him lies.

“Theta, are you there?” His lips moved without sound. “Theta?”

Something inside his head _snapped_ and he knew nothing anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m somehow quite nervous about that chapter, the story took a much darker path than I intended… Feedback is much appreciated.


	9. Identity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warning of the last chapter still applies to this one.

“Master?” The Doctor whispered through the wall. _Are you there?_ She could hear him breath, she could feel his present, but something was _wrong,_ and she didn’t know what it was.  
“Please, talk to me…”

She knew he was consciousness but even after he stopped humming a while ago, he wouldn’t talk to her. And his mind felt so odd, his walls were nearly down but the Doctor couldn’t quite place it.

Something had happened only seconds after he had stopped singing. It had felt as if he had suddenly been knocked out only to be clearly awake only seconds later. Awake but terrifying quiet.

And now: nothing but silence. The Doctor didn’t know how scared she could be about silence.

“Okay, it’s not funny anymore! Whatever I said, I’m sorry! Please, talk to me!”

Even her begging didn’t change the fact that the Master wouldn’t speak at all. She wasn’t even sure if he was aware of his surroundings. Oh, the Doctor hoped that is was one of his stupid plays but a part of her already knew that he wasn’t acting.

The Doctor walked through her little cell, back and forth, and back and forth. While she nervously moved around, she talked about anything that came to her mind. Maybe somehow, he would answer her!

“… but I miscalculated and brought her back a year later – come on, laugh at me – Rose’s Mum was mad at me, she actually slapped me! – but Rose still came along…

… oh, Donna – you met Donna, well not really, but you met her Grandfather, do you remember Wilf? Donna was…

… and then Amy was trapped with the image of a weeping angel – I’m sure you would had worked that out much faster! And the angel was inside her mind…

… You know, it was horrible to realise, that she was a Dalek. Thankfully, I didn’t know back than that she was Clara… well at least an echo…”

The Doctor deliberately only talked about her adventures after the Time War because a part of her refused to give herself the luxury to wallow in memories with the Time Lords still alive.

The Doctor was so reminisce about her past, that she stopped abruptly the moment she realised the press of the Master’s present against her mind.

“Master? Are you alright? That was quite a long nap!” She laughed nervously.

He made a pretty weird sound, something between laughing, chocking, and crying all at the same time.

“What’s wrong?”

For a moment she thought he hadn’t heard her, because it was silent for such a long time. “Master?” The Doctor asked carefully, his mind felt somehow still really strange and she was worried that he didn’t seem to protect his mental walls anymore.

“I’m not sure who you are.”

For a moment the Doctor couldn’t believe what he just said, she surely did mishear. “What?” She whispered quite shocked. “Master? Is that one of your games, that’s not funny anymore!”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry?”

Any confidence the Master carried through his voice whenever he started to speak seemed gone. “What’s wrong?” She asked again but he didn’t even bother to respond to her.

The Doctor wished that it was nothing but one of his stupid games but a part of her already knew that something was terribly wrong. And she didn’t realise it _again_!

Maybe he had a concussion after he hit his head against the wall. And the stun gun shots didn’t help either… But something told the Doctor that the solution wasn’t that easy.

“Master?” He didn’t react. “Please, talk to me.” She tried again, this time using a very calm voice.  
“Why do you keep calling me that?” The Doctor was shocked how lost he sounded. Lost and… like a child.

“I don’t know what you are talking about… But I think you hurt your head really badly. Can you tell me what you feel?” She tried again, this time as if she was talking to a child. It horrified the Doctor that it actually worked.

“My head hurt.” He groaned. “Can you feel for me if you find any bruises or blood?”  
He whined and to her horror started to babble like he was really confused. “Don’t know, it _hurts_!”

“I know, I know. It’s going to be alright, I promise!” _Promises were made to be broken_ a bitter voice told her inside her mind. The Doctor knew the voice because it was her own, the one of the life she tried to forget.

The Master started to giggle but even trough the wall the Doctor could hear that he was crying, too. He was far too confused and acted completely out of character and she was quite worried because she couldn’t get to him!

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” He giggled even more.

The woman’s voice wouldn’t stop talking out of the wall. He wasn’t quite sure if she was really there or if he started to imagine her presence. If he did, he couldn’t understand why his mind chose such an annoying person.

“Master, what’s happening?” What’s happening? Well… nothing. Apart from that _thing_ inside his head, twisting his memories. And why did she keep calling him Master? He had asked her before but the woman in the wall hadn’t answered him. Somehow that name belong to him but the intruder in his mind seemed to supress that information.

Strange, that he remembered the _thing_ in his head, but wasn’t able to arrange his thoughts and memories. The intruder wasn’t happy with his reasoning because it pushed into something and he… he… what was happening?

“Master? Can you please talk to me?” Why could the wall speak?

He giggled. “Speaking wall, that’s new.” His hands started pull at his hair because _something_ was inside his head. “Master, what’s wrong. I’m really worried.” A worried wall. That was nice.

Hysterical laugher escaped him, and he felt unable to stop while the pain in his head increase. There was _something_ in his head! He could feel it wiggle around, hurting him, _changing_ him. “NO!” He screamed. “Get out, get out!” He pulled harder on his hair, but it didn’t help and he screamed and the pain got worse. “No! Stop, please, stop.”

It only seemed logically to slam his head against the wall. There was a rhythm in his head, counting with him, it couldn’t be that wrong, could it? The wall disagreed because she (?) wouldn’t stop begging him to stop. His head hurt but the excruciating pain from his mind decreased at least a little bit.

The _thing_ inside his head hissed but another collision with the cold stones chased it off. He could still feel it wiggle around his mind, but he had the feeling at getting more lucid about his surroundings. As soon as he felt in control of his actions again, he stopped abruptly.

The wall was crying, and he caress her because he just hit his head against her. Why did he keep calling a wall ‘her’ and ‘she’? Maybe it wasn’t the wall?

“Doctor?” His tired brain finally managed to realise. “I don’t feel so good.” His knees weren’t able to hold his weight anymore and he crashed to the floor. “I think there’s something in my head…” He whispered.

His name came back to him, of course he was the Master, and the Doctor was in another cell, babbling even if he wasn’t sure what she was talking about. The Cyberium moved jerkily and he could feel his grasp of reality slipping. “No!” The Master choked. “Doctor! Please, it’s –“

The next moment he knew nothing. And why was the wall talking to him? His head hit the floor, something was wrong, there was _something_ inside his head!

The Master made a choking sound and stopped in the middle of an explanation. “Master?” She asked with tensed voice. He had started to understand what was going on and now he had fallen silent again!

“Are you alright? You told me you didn’t feel so good. How do you feel?” The Doctor heard a weak giggle. “Master?” She whispered. “I’m worried. Come on, taunt me!” Another giggle.

“Can you tell me a story?” The Doctor froze. “Please? I never met a talking wall, I want to know your stories.” If she hadn’t realised that he wasn’t playing a game with her she might have laughed. But all she could do, alongside looking very shocked, was carefully reaching for his mind.

_Contact._ He didn’t answer to her question of permission to enter his mind. His walls were really low, if she wanted to, she would been able to push right into his mind.

“There’s _something_ …” He whimpered. “Alright, don’t worry, we work out what it is, I promise!”  
“But I don’t even know who you are…”

That hurt! The stinging in her hearts got worse and even if she knew what he was talking about it _hurt_! It felt as if the Master was blaming her for the past she couldn’t remember, as if he screamed at the Doctor, about her foolishness to believe she had any changed to get her best friend back.

_I don’t even know you!_ He taunted inside her head.

“I’m the Doctor.” She whispered. “Only the Doctor. You know who I am.”

“But it’s in my head!” He screamed without responding to her and to her horror she heard the sound of his head hitting the wall, again. “Master, stop! Please!”

He hadn’t listened to her before but to the Doctor’s surprise he stopped after the fourth time.

“But it’s inside my head.” The Master explained miserable. He sounded far too confused. “I know, I know…” The Doctor whispered even if she hadn’t worked out yet what exactly was happening. “I want it to go away!” he whimpered.

“Please, don’t do that again!”

“But it hurts!” He whinged.

“Then don’t hit your head. Please.”

“But it hurts!” The Master tried again, and he sounded like an annoyed child who couldn’t understand why the adults didn’t understand the problem. And the Doctor wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

Two theories started to form in her head, and she begged _someone_ that it was her first thought. “Is it the drums?” She asked calmly, knowing what desperate actions the Master had tried in the past to get rid of them.

Somehow the Doctor hoped that it was such an easy explanation even through she knew her misinterpretation before he even answered. “No…” He whined again. “They just hurt, but that… that…” He made a choking sound. “Master?” The Doctor whispered in fear for him.

“It _hurts_!” He yelled and she could do nothing when he started to hit his head against the wall.

But she could do _something_! With his mental walls that low she had one final resort left. “I’m sorry.” She whispered before she did the worst thing you could do to a telepath and pushed into his mind. The Master started to scream in pain because of the sudden intrusion but it did answer the Doctor’s second theory. She could feel another intruder who wouldn’t satisfy itself with shifting though his mind without damaging or looking at his thoughts.

The Cyberium snapped at her, the Master screamed, and the Doctor tried her best to push the AI away, really limited due to the fact that she needed to touch him to do something as invasive as attacking the Cyberium properly.

She manged to stroke against the AI and pushed the Master’s exhausted form back to unconsciousness. The Doctor could hear his body slump to the ground, ashamed that she had no way of catching him.

Her knees gave up and she sank to the cold floor, face pressed against the wall. She was really out of practice. The Doctor realised that there was blood all over her face and her nose wouldn’t stop bleeding. She searched for a handkerchief in one of her pockets but ended up using the sleeve of her coat.

Finally, the bleeding stopped, and the Doctor couldn’t help but to be angry at herself.  
“Shit!” She punched herself against the forehead. “Stupid, stupid Doctor.”

How could she forget the _Cyberium?!_ She should have realised it ages ago, but she just… forgot. Wallowing in self-pity the Doctor had forgotten about the danger her friend was in.  
Of course, he didn’t act like himself if an angry AI attacked him from the inside. Even a skilled telepath as the Master had little resources to fight such an aggressive force.

She needed to work out how to get rid of the Cyberium!

At least the Doctor had one certainty: It was time to break out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but I promise there will be happier chapters!


	10. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you _so much_ for all your kind comments! That’s always such a motivation for me.

Once the Doctor had made the decision to escape it was far too easy. Even if her sonic screwdriver couldn’t open the door it was able to disable the surveillance system in her cell and let it show the recording in a loop.

The Doctor knew how prisons worked, as long as nobody actually searched for a fault it wouldn’t be found. She even manged to do the same trick to the camera in the Master’s cell without even leaving the room.

Why hadn’t they taken her things? Surely, they must have records of her sonic. Whatever reason, possible the arrogance of the Judoon, it made things much easier.

Being the Doctor meant to realise a lot of unimportant details no one else realised. As well as Theta had known about the little (or even big) secrets of her classmates and professors, the Doctor knew about every weak point of that cell.

She knew about the loose stone in the corner and the partially broken latch on the door. And more important, she was quite sure about the first three numbers of the combination lock on the outside (the order of the clicking had been far too obvious).  
Depending on which lock they used the Doctor was certain she could find them out. Which meant twelve more tries (because of the Judoon number system) before she would figure out the last number.

She only needed to break the already damaged latch with the loose stone until she could reach the combination lock and free herself. As the Doctor said – far too easy.

It took her one hour, 12 minutes and 8 seconds before she closed the door of the cell behind herself. No Judoon in sight and if she was right – and the Doctor was always right – there wouldn’t be any more for the next two hours, 47 minutes and 3 seconds.

Presuming by the Master’s mental presence he was still unconsciousness.

Right, now she needed to break into his cell. The sonic couldn’t help to calculate the numbers because of the stupid _wood_ inside the case. Seriously who would include wood in a security combination lock?!

Thankfully it wasn’t necessary. The numbers were that worn off that the Doctor had no difficulties at all to figure out the right combination. It didn’t even take five minutes before she heard the by now well-known clicking sound.

The Doctor pushed the creaking door open and slipped through.

The Doctor spotted the Master in a split second. He lay crumbled on his side, facing the wall so that she could see nothing but his ridiculous coat which covered his suddenly very fragile looking body.

She sprinted to him, gripping his shoulder. There was blood all over his hair and to her horror she discovered a puddle of blood next to his face.

“Oh, shit!”

She rolled the Master onto his back, but his head kept lolling to the side, leaving a trail of blood. Most of it was slowly trickling out of his nose and the Doctor felt relieved that it wasn’t all from the nasty looking gashes on his head.

“Master!” The Doctor was surprised how panicked her voice sounded while she slapped his cheeks lightly. With shaking hands, she used her already ruined coat to clean at least some of the blood from his face.

He looked far too pale and after she carefully lifted one of his eyelids, she discovered that she could only see the white of his eyes. He wasn’t sleeping, he was very much unconsciousness.

Luckily his nose stopped bleeding, but he must have had quite a fight with the Cyberium (and her unannounced attack didn’t help either) to have such a reaction being a skilled telepath.

The Doctor tried to take care of the gashes on his head, but her hands would stop shaking at all, it somehow got even worse and she wasn’t even sure why.

Her hearts beat way to fast and she didn’t know why she started to panic that much. The Master was alright, just unconsciousness, she had pushed him to sleep herself. He was alright.

The Doctor’s shaking hands, and her ragged breaths seemed to disagree with her mind.

She needed to do _something_!

“Master! Open your eyes!” She shook his shoulders, but he didn’t do so much as twitch.

The Doctor wasn’t sure if it was her anger towards him or her fear for his wellbeing that made her scream at his unmoving body.

“Oh, come on, don’t do that!” She was shaking him roughly.

And suddenly the Doctor was back in the unfamiliar Tardis, screaming at the Master and beating his unmoving body because she could still hear his _laugher_.

And he was laughing at her, her _best friend_ was laughing at her while her whole world burned away in front of them.

All at once the Doctor couldn’t breath because the Master was laying there, like the broken puppet of the Time Lords. A preferred toy until they had found something different to play with and had thrown him away. In a way he seemed to have an even worse destiny than she did. At least she got a new life, the Master had to build his whole existence out of scraps. Centuries of chasing after the drums only to realise it had been nothing but an _experiment_. She should pity him.

The Master would _hate_ her thoughts.

And the Doctor would never think about pitying him, because she knew the genius behind all the hatred who wouldn’t be stop from anyone or anything.

And yet he laughed at her and the Doctor realised with astonishment that her body switched to her respirator bypass because she had stopped breathing at all.

Even through she could still hear his laugher she took a deep breath, while the world started to spin around her. It was as if the Master had his hands around her throat and squeezed because the air wouldn’t reach her lungs and she could do nothing but to cough.

Panic started to rise, and her hearts seemed to want to jump out of her chest because the Doctor couldn’t _breathe_. She knew what was happening, she knew that she didn’t need to breathe for a few minutes, she knew that nobody was strangling her, but her stupid body refused to accept the facts because she could still see the brutality she had done to the Master.

Something touched her knee and the Doctor flinched. A sudden breath reached her lungs and finally, finally her mind accepted the fact, that she was allowed to breath because the Master was alright.

He was staring at her, while she was coughing for air, the hand that touched her slid back to the ground.

“Master?” She asked with hoarse voice after he wouldn’t stop to follow every of her movements with his glazed eyes.

“Hey!” Her voice started to sound normal again and the previous events seemed forgotten.

The Master opened his mouth as if he wanted to tell her something only to look at her with that dullness in his eyes. The Doctor sighed, of course, he had no idea what was going on.

“Surprise. Don’t you think a earned a little applause after I manged to break out that fast?”

He was frowning as if he couldn’t understand the meanings of her words. “Master? Can you please say something?”

“You were inside the wall.” He slurred.

Although he had done exactly what she wanted she could feel something inside her stomach boil. It felt nearly as bad as if he had laughed at her again.

“Master, stop that nonsense!” She hissed even though she knew that he wasn’t able to do much about it. At least her reaction told her, that her anger towards him was still there.

“Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.” He giggled. “That’s just nonsense, is it?” His eyes closed with a groan while he wouldn’t stop giggling.

The Doctor sighed before she seized him in a fast move and hauled him upright. He couldn’t hold himself and dropped with his head against her upper body.

“If you could see yourself, Master.” The Doctor told him in a low voice while she rearranged his body until he lay with his head in her lap. He moaned silently and latched one of his hands on to her coat.

His closed eyelids started to twitch nervously and his grip around her coat tightened. Without even knowing _why_ something inside the Doctor’s hearts started to meld and she caressed his hair. Even through she was sure it was hardly sensible the Master leaned into her touch and his nervous giggling stopped slowly.

“Can you open your eyes for me?” She whispered. “Please.” To the Doctor’s surprise his eyes started to flutter open, his gaze dull and glazed as if he still wasn’t sure what was happening.

“Do you know where you are?” No answer, just that empty expression in his face. “What’s your name? Come on, how do I need to call you?”

His eyes started to move nervously. “Come on, tell me, what’s your name?”

“I’m…” He started, his voice barely audible. “I don’t know.”

He looked up at her with such a vulnerability that the Doctor couldn’t help but take a deep breath. That was fare worse than she thought.

The Master’s free hand reached for his head and he flinched away from his own touch, looking in bewilderment at the blood on his hands.

“My head hurts.” He groaned before every movement stopped in his tracks and he looked at her suspicious. “Who are you?”

He started to crawl away from her, but she held him tightly even after he started to struggle under her touch. “I’m going to do something to make you remember, alright?”

The Master didn’t answer but struggled even more when she tried to take hold of his temples. “I won’t hurt your, I promise, but I need your permission.”

“No, go away!” He howled, trying to slap her hands away. “I’m going to make you remember, okay?”

To her horror he started to cry. “Don’t hurt me, please, don’t hurt me.”

The Doctor stopped in her tracks. The Master didn’t even try to fight her anymore, he just lay there, trembling and looking far too vulnerable for someone with his name.

“I won’t hurt you.” She answered gently, carefully taking his hand. All the anger seemed to be drained away for now. “I promise, alright?” His hand twitched as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tighten his grip or push her hand away.

“I’m your friend, I won’t hurt you.” _You’re lying! You hurt him all the time._ But it was easy to push the voice away. “Please, let me help you.”

“You won’t hurt me?” He whispered, and it hurt the Doctor how suspicious he sounded.

“Promise.” She answered with trembling voice.

_“We are going to see every star in the universe!”_  
“Promise?”   
“Promise!” 

The Master didn’t fight her when she put her hands on his temples again, but he gripped her coat, still trembling lightly.

“Don’t worry, you are going to remember. I promise!”

Without another word she pushed through his wall inside his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the theory that the prison is actually Shada, but I needed the Doctor to work out how to escape quickly, so I decided against it for that story.


	11. Leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That chapter ended up being quite long (most chapters are around 2k, but this one has nearly 4k). I thought about splitting it up but decided against it, I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Have fun!

The Doctor was worried how easily she could slide through the Master’s walls now that he was more aware about his surroundings than he had been before.

This time she needed to push further inside.

She felt little resistance while his mind place started to form around her. It was far too foggy to make out the details, but the Doctor had visited that place many times before. Back in the academy they used to be in each other’s mind all the time.

Even though she couldn’t really see the details around her, she was shocked how his whole mental retreat was a complete mess. Being in control all the time meant, that the Master couldn’t bear any kind of chaos (she still wondered how he had been able to live as the messy O) and it shocked her, to see that state.

The Cyberium was _really_ angry. A lot of doors to guard his memories were wide open, the whole realm seemed to wobble all the time and she still couldn’t see much but the destruction in the white retreat.

Slowly the Doctor started to walk towards the nearest door. The closer she came she could hear crying and she stopped abruptly. She had no rights to intrude his mind like that, especially now when he had no way to fight her.

“Alright, Cyberium. You better leave now.”

Without another word she let herself drop inside the waft ground, floating through nothingness until her feet hit a solid ground.

The same moment she was overwhelmed by the terrible noise all around her.

“Aaargh…” Her hands covered her ears but being inside the Master’s mind it didn’t make a difference.

If she could hear the drums like that, he was really losing control. She needed to get the Cyberium out, _now_!

But her eyes started to water because it _hurt_. Maybe that was the Master’s revenge for all those years he was force to listen to the drums while she had started to doubt their presence.

Her knees buckled but suddenly a small hand took hold of her, forcing her back to her feet. She stared in disbelieve at the young boy, just a little child who watched her trough bright blue eyes. The moment he touched her the drums ceased to exist, and she heaved a sigh.

The boy turned around and stormed away.

“Koschei, wait!”

The Doctor stumbled behind him, still feeling battered due to the painful noise she had to endure for mere seconds. How could she ever look at the Master?

She caught up with her childhood friend after he stopped abruptly inside a room the Doctor knew far to well. A single giggle escaped her because her side of their academy room still looked like a tornado raged through the building while she couldn’t find a single misplaced thing on Koschei’s side.

The boy, still wearing his uniform, wouldn’t look at her and a part of the Doctor was glad, she wasn’t sure if she could face his accusing look.

“Hello, Koschei.” She whispered. “Long time since I last saw you.”

She swallowed hard.

“It’s me, Theta. But you already know that, don’t you?” Otherwise he would _look_ at her.

“It’s so nice to see you again, you have no idea how much I missed you.”

The Doctor could only hope that the Master wouldn’t be able to process what happened inside his mind while he was still that confused. She would never want him to hear her words.

“He says you are going to leave me.” Koschei’s voice sounded monotone and was lacking any kind of emotions. He didn’t look at her, his gaze facing the floor.

“Who says that?” The Doctor asked gently. Even through he was nothing but a mind construct of the Master, he _was_ Koschei. The boy was innocent.

“Me. My future self.” He was nervously licking his dry lips. “He says it already happened, I can’t avoid that future. I told him he was lying because you would never leave me, but…” Finally, their eyes met. “I think he’s right.”

The Doctor opened her mouth only to close it again. What could she tell that flawless child? (and yes, of course she was glorifying him! Koschei hadn’t been perfect… except for her.)

“He’s broken. He lost you, he’s lonely and broken. I don’t want to become like him!”

Yes, maybe it was nothing but another of the Master’s games, but the Doctor started to cry, nevertheless, because Koschei wasn’t lying. She knew that boy, she would always love that boy with both of her hearts and he was a good person.

“Please, just tell me it wasn’t you who broke him!”

His shining eyes looked at her with such a trust that she could nearly feel how her throat tightened. She swallowed hard.

“Kos…”

Suddenly the world around them started to shift, the whole room disappeared into a dense fog and before the Doctor could see anything again, she felt the high blades of grass caressing her legs. Carefully she started to run her hand over the far too familiar grass.

“Why did you leave?”

The Doctor spun around, her eyes searching the owner of that voice. Koschei was older, no longer in his first body, and she could already see the Master shining through the obvious madness in his eyes.

“Hello Koschei.” Her voice was far to hoarse and she swallowed unable to look him in the eyes. He was a ghost, nothing but a ghost but she knew the pain she had caused him.

He looked exhausted and the Doctor could feel how her whole body started to shake because she had _left_ him like this, deep down already knowing what he would become.

She had tossed him aside.

“Koschei.” She repeated again, very quietly. And again. “Koschei.”

The young man just stared at her, unmoving apart from his nervous twitching and tapping against his leg. The Doctor didn’t need to count, she saw the presence of the drums right through his eyes.

Why would the Master’s mind show her a deformed construct of his past?

“I’m going to fix it, I promise! But I need your help!”

He still didn’t speak, just staring at her with this far too familiar loneliness in eyes that used to sparkle with joy the moment Koschei saw Theta.

“Please?” The Doctor held her hand towards him, silently begging him to take it.

“I’m sorry I took Theta away from you.” She whispered with broken voice. “But I’m here, and I can save you, but I need you help. Please.”

He started to laugh without sound, hysterical none the less, and the Doctor couldn’t tell if it was Koschei or the Master who cracked in front of her.

The point was it didn’t matter. Because they were the same person, it was nothing but her ignorance to name the Master’s past with his childhood name so that she didn’t need to face the truth.

Egoistic Doctor.

Without a second thought she yanked Koschei’s arm towards herself while she let the whole word shatter to the ground around them.

The young man was gone in a second but she still clutched her friend’s arm. Missy’s eyes stared back at her before her whole body jumped before the Doctor’s eyes, that fast that she wasn’t able to take hold of all of the Master’s faces, jumping back and forth.

She could feel the Cyberium again, nudging against her walls, trying to attack her to. That was what she had waited for.

The force sent her stumbling to the ground and she couldn’t hold her friend’s arm anymore. She let go of the Master’s fast changing bodies while she crashed to the ground, panting heavily in the artificial realm.

“Doctor.”

Gasping she moved into a kneeling position, her eyes fixed onto the man above of her. Even through he was back in his current body and the real him, not just a mind construct, it felt as if she looked into a ghosts eyes.

“Master.” She groaned. “You won’t believe me, but it’s nice to have you back.”

He laughed, piercing and somehow far away.

“Oh love, I think you need to say goodbye. The Cyberium won’t take long to work your little trick out.”

“Well then hurry up and let go of it!” She hissed at him, slowly coming to her feet. Even in his mind her whole head started to pound aggressively.

“No.” There was sadness in his eyes, but he was smiling and his voice was far to cheerful.

“You can’t be serious?!” She asked desperate.

“I am, love.”

“Why won’t you let go of the Cyberium. All that could be over. Please…” The Master gave her a pitiful look. “Don’t be stupid, Doctor, I told you before. We barely met.”

“The only stupid one is you!” She hissed. “Don’t you see what it’s doing to you?!” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t _care_?!”

She stared at him in disbelieve. “Says you, the same man who would do _anything_ to stay alive! And I tell you what, it’s killing you! If you don’t do what it wants the Cyberium will take your whole live apart only to get rid of you afterwards.”

“I don’t care.” This time his voice carried a gleeful tone and the Doctor felt as if he just slapped her.

“You are going to _die_!”

“I’ve heard you the first time, Doctor. I don’t care.”

“No! You always care. All the things you did to stay alive and now it’s that easy and you don’t _care_?!”

“Get out of my head.” She looked at him in disbelieve. “Seriously, Doctor, _get out_ before I make you do it. Won’t be nice.” He smiled the same way he sometimes smiled at his victims and the Doctor rolled her eyes.

“You stubborn moron!” She hissed before and pushed herself back into her own body.

The Doctor gasped for breath, aware of the blood all over her face. She was slumped against the wall, her hands still at the Master’s temples who lay curled up on her lap. His eyes were twitching but otherwise he didn’t move.

Regretfully the Doctor realised the new blood that was still dripping out of his nose – she did quite a number to his head, she _really_ needed to practise more!

“Wake up.” She groaned. “Seriously, open your eyes, Master!”

The Doctor seizes him up so that she was holding him in her arms while he started to blink. “Please tell me it worked.”

Instead of an answer he buried his face in her coat. “You owe me a new coat!” The Doctor hissed and heard him chuckle.

“Do you know where we are?”

The Master laughed. “Oh yes. Inside the stupid excuse of a highly secured prison.”

“Thank Rassilon.” She breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Did you really miss me?” He chuckled even more.

Instead of answering him she tried to persuade him again. “You know it’s only temporary! The Cyberium can attack your mind every second and I can’t dive into your head every time! You need to let it go!”

He shook it his head and she forced him to look at him. His eyes were still closed, and he hadn’t regained his usual skin colour. “Seriously, you look like shit!”

“Just leave me alone!” He groaned, trying to bury his face against the Doctor’s body.

“At least look at me and tell me you mean it!” She hissed. “Because I won’t let you die, you stupid stubborn moron!”

His eyes opened slowly. His gaze was much more aware, but he still looked far too glazed. “I won’t let go of the Cyberium, Doctor. If you want to have it, you need to kill me!”

Without waiting for a respond, he closed his eyes and buried his face against the Doctor. Something inside her had snapped the second he told her he wouldn’t let go of the Cyberium. And suddenly there were tears in the Doctor’s eyes and all she could do to stop them from falling was to stroke to the Master’s hair.

Her fingers were shaking, and her throat clenched in panic. She wouldn’t lose him. Whatever happened she wouldn’t lose him! A single sob must have escaped her because the Master tensed under her touch.

“What?” She hissed even through it sounded like a choked sob.

“I just though about something.” He mumbled. The Doctor wasn’t sure if he could feel her panic and a part of her wondered is, she wanted him to know.

“Tell me.” She was shaking, he wouldn’t be able to ignore that.

“Never cruel or cowardly… I thought that was your oath.” The Doctor’s breath hitched. Alright, she got the Master back, of course he would hurt her. But that was what she wanted, wasn’t it?

“Well, I can promise you it was cruel to disassemble my perception filter and leave me with the Nazis… with this fucking face. Oh, I nearly forgot. You even stole my Tardis, if that isn’t cruel _and_ cowardly, well I don’t know.”

“I know.” She sobbed, shocked about her emotional breakdown. And still she couldn’t care less.

“Beg your pardon?! Did you just agree with me?”

“Yes” The Doctor hissed, finally starting to get a little bit of her confidence back, even though she sounded like a crying child.

The Master started to laugh hysterically. “Well, that’s new.”

While he giggled in her arms, still a little bit delirious, the Doctor finally started to calm down. She wanted to hug the idiot in her arms, allow herself to cry properly, but instead she build her walls up again. No more emotional nonsense!

The Master stirred in her arms, finally looking at her.

“What was your rambling about ‘being a good man’ about?” He asked and she remembered how she had tried to tell him about her feelings only hours ago. If he asked… well, she could tell him.

“If I would be a good man… woman, don’t care… Well, I wouldn’t have you.”

“What are you talking about?” The Master snorted but she could see the pain in his eyes.

“A good man wouldn’t offer you redemption… not after all the things you did. If I really would have been good, I would have killed you years ago. How many lives I could have saved… It’s not hope, Master, it’s obsession. I risk every live in this universe and every other because I need you. Damn, you destroyed a third of this universe... and still I thought you could change. I’m just as much a danger as you are.”

To the Doctor’s surprise the Master had nothing to say about it. “Is this not what you want? As long as you live, I won’t be good.” She fell silent. “Doesn’t that make you happy?”

“With your live span, Doctor… You’re going to outlive me.”

His comment made her angry. “Stop that, just stop that. I don’t want to live without you. You know that!”

“Really? You never made that impression. Remember the time you left me to burn to death?” He stopped talking to her after that.

The Doctor didn’t know what she could say to him to make him believe her. That man was the same stubborn idiot who _died_ just to spite her. Nothing she could say would convince him if he didn’t want to be convinced.

But actions spoke more than words, right? Before the Doctor had time to make up her mind, she summoned the energy floating through her until her hands started to glow. Carefully she tried to hold his injured head, but the Master flinched away the moment he realised what she was doing.

“Stop that!”

“Why?! It was _you_ who told me I had endless regeneration energy. I might as well use it!”

“Use your brains, genius!” The Master snorted. “Our biology isn’t made for endless transfers without triggering a regeneration. I though you are quite fond of your body.”

Unfortunately, he was right… As always, Koschei the genius and Theta the idiot. Quite a double act.

“I hate it, when you are right!” She snapped at him, clearly huffy.

The Master started to grin, and he nearly seemed like himself. Of course, that seemed to be the perfect time for the Cyberium to attack him again.

Suddenly all the colour seemed to leave his cheeks and the Doctor was shocked how pale he became in only seconds. “Master?” She asked worried while he started to slide down her arms.

“It’s… it’s…” His eyes rolled back, leaving only the white of his eyes. The sight of him that vulnerable scared the Doctor more than she would admit.

“Hey, Master?” She whispered, gently shaking his shoulders. He was laying with his head on her lap, and she could feel him shaking. “Open your eyes, you idiot!”

A muffled groan and glazes eyes starred up at her. “Thank Rassilon, you really scared me!”

The Master slowly seemed to realise where he was, suddenly bolted upright and stumbling away from her.

“Master?!” He was too fast for her to catch him. “It’s me! It’s alright, there’s the Cyberium inside your head…” He looked terrified, such a strange expression on this face. Even as O he had never used to look scared.

“Master?” She asked again, carefully approaching him. He pressed himself against the wall, clearly trying to get away from her.

“Who are you?!” He sounded like a terrified child. The Doctor sighed.

“I’m the Doctor. I’m your friend and I’m going to help you.” She explained gently to him

“No!” The Master yelled. “You are lying, you can’t be my friend, I don’t even know you!”

“Because you have something inside your head!” He gave her a confused look, his eyes still incredibly glazed.

“There is something inside my head?” He whispered slowly. “Yes, that’s why you can’t remember me.”

He grimaced. “There is _something_ inside my head!” He yelled alarmed. “I know, I know, calm down, please!”

“No, it’s inside my head! It’s stealing my memories!” His lip twitched as he stared at her. “Help me!”

His eyes rolled back inside his head, only to be fixed at her only seconds later. “Who are you?” He whispered and the Doctor didn’t even have the energy to sigh. 

“I’m your friend.” He frowned. “No, you are not. Theta is my friend.” The Doctor flinched.

She stared at him, shocked about his words, he didn’t just say – “Do you know Theta? Do you know where he is?”

The Doctor cleared her throat. “Just me, nobody else is here.”

“That’s stupid! Go away, I want Theta!” He yelled at her.

It was far too absurd, terrible but still absurd and the Doctor did the only thing that seemed logically to her. She laughed. She laughed until she couldn’t see past her tears and sank to the ground.

“Why are you crying?” The Master’s voice asked. The Doctor laughed even more. “Can’t you see that I’m laughing?” She giggled.

“No, you’re crying.”

Somehow his words made her angry. How could he judge over her feelings after everything he had done? How could he assume she was crying when she was clearly _laughing_?!

“Where’s Theta?!” He whined again and her anger was seething internally.

“Don’t you know?” She taunted the man who looked back at her with empty eyes. How could he dare to do that to her?! How?

“No?” He whispered. “Tell me?” Even know, claiming he wasn’t able to thing straight, the Master wouldn’t stop giving her orders.

“You killed him.” Horror showed through his blank eyes and she laughed even more about his speechlessness.

“Doesn’t matter, does it. He was never real, Theta was never real at all, nothing but a stupid experiment of the Time Lords. Nothing but a guinea pig – happy now?!”

The Doctor wasn’t sure if she had screamed or not, but the Master starred back at her with that much betrayal on his face that she could feel the rage inside her hearts boil again. He betrayed her! The Master had no rights at all to feel _betrayed_!

“Liar!” He whispered before his eyes rolled back into his head.

Every time the Master started to think on his own the Cyberium would attack again, leaving him without any previous thoughts, unable to make sense of the past events. As terrible as it was, it made things much easier.

Even if she was still snorting the Doctor knew that they needed to escape if she wanted to keep him alive for much longer. She shouldn’t care, she really shouldn’t, but – “We can find him!” She promised him with a low voice when his eyes stopped rolling.

“Who? And who are you?”

“I’m your friend. The Doctor.”

“But I don’t know you. And Theta is my friend!”

She sighed. “Yes, and we are going to find him, you and me together.”

The Master looked at her, suspicion clearly in his face. “How do you know Theta?”

“Well… He wouldn’t stop rambling.” Even though her answer made no sense at all the Master calmed down. “He does that, Theta, won’t stop rambling…”

“Exactly! But he’s in trouble and –“

“What?! What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing! It’s alright. But we need to find him, alright?”

“Yes!” The Master chewed nervously on his lower lip.

“Okay, but we need to break out of here and I need you to do as I tell you, can you do that for me?” The suspicion in his eyes wouldn’t go but if the Master would realise what he was agreeing to, his look would be the last thing she needed to worry about.

“Alright.” He whispered, still not that convinced, but it needed to be enough.

The next moment the Doctor could hear the loud steps of the Judoon approaching the cell.


	12. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are amazing! I love your comments (and kudos) so much, that’s always such a big motivation. Thank you! 
> 
> I said that it's probably a 15-chapter story… whoops, well, now I have 25 plotted chapters. I don’t think I can guaranty you how many it’s really going to be 😅
> 
> This chapter ended up being really dark, I’m sorry…

“Okay, we need to wait until they are gone. Be quiet!” The Doctor whispered towards him. Made sense, but why were they in prison in the first place? Did they do something wrong?!

Loud steps and he stared at the closed door.

“That’s not your name!” He whispered, the though suddenly very present in his mind. “Doctor, that’s not your name!” She turned around, watching him with a such a strange expression in her eyes. There was fear, too. Weird.

“Yes, it isn’t. But that’s not important, right know!”

He frowned. “But I should know your name, I know that!”

She sighed. “Why don’t you tell me your name?” He looked at her in confusion. She knew his name, of course she knew his name! “What’s your name?”

Memories started to float his mind and he felt like swirling into nothingness.

“Hey, Master!” He could hear the Doctor’s voice far away.

His name, his name…

“Koschei.”

He was back in the cell, only to investigate the Doctor’s shocked expression. She looked vulnerable and sad at the same time. “What?”

“I said my name is Koschei. But you already know that.”

The Doctor opened her mouth, her lip twitched nervously, but then – “The prisoner, where’s the prisoner!”

The shock was gone while Koschei wasn’t able to process everything that was happening around him. Something inside his head stopped him from understanding. Damn it, the thing inside his head made him dumb.

“Different plan, Koschei, we’re going to escape now!”

It felt good to hear the Doctor call him by that name. Strange, wasn’t it? Surely, she must have done that before?

“Let me talk, alright, and we are going to run, very, very fast, alright. Just follow me!”

She had moved closer to him, while the steps moved towards the door in front of them.

“Everything is going to be alright, Koschei!”

The Doctor smiled at him and he realised how tired she looked. He rested a hand on her shoulder, somehow trying so show her, that he wouldn’t go anywhere!

Something inside his head moved again but he didn’t try to fight it.

His future looked through his eyes and Koschei let the Master pass. Only mere seconds but that was all he needed. Skilled finger slide into one of the Doctor’s pockets, grabbed his TCE and let it disappear into his own jacket.

The Master was gone before Koschei had time to take hold of his future, and maybe that was for the best. He knew he was nothing but a memory but the Doctor, his Theta, needed him.

He was sure, that was the reason why the Master wouldn’t fight his presence. Because Koschei was still able to show the Doctor his affection for her, the Master would hide it behind his rage.

And then, all at sudden, he lost control. Koschei tried to warn the Doctor, but her eyes were fixed onto the door in front of them that would open every moment.

The Cyberium started to make a mess inside his head and the memory of Koschei’s innocent life was shut behind a door, leaving mere glimpses of the Master’s consciousness. He was floating into nothingness, barely able to understand his surroundings.

But the Cyberium didn’t need him right now. Only his skills. It would end in a massacre.

“Alright, we will manage!” She whispered towards him, still confident that they would escape without major damage. The door was pushed open with a bang and the Doctor grabbed the Master’s arm tightly.

“Koschei?” She whispered while the Judoon stormed into the cell because he was too quiet. Slowly she turned towards him.

“Oh no.” The Doctor could see the exact moment when the childish innocent in the Master’s eyes was replaced with the inexorable anger that destroyed many lives before.

And worst of all, she was quite sure that he had no idea who he actually was. No control.

That didn’t stop him.

The Master was acting so fast, that the Doctor didn’t even had a chance to close her mouth before he threw the first Judoon to the ground, gripping the gun and fired.

They didn’t have a chance, the Doctor was still staring at him while all three guards went limp. It wasn’t a stun gun… Realising that he had murdered three people before she even blinked replaced her horror with _anger_.

“What are you doing?!” She yelled at him, trying to get hold of the gun. He gave her such a dangerous look that she backed away in shock. She couldn’t see a spark of her friend. He wasn’t the Master, he was nothing but a marionette of the Cyberium.

The thought let the Doctor’s anger rise even more. It was _his_ fault!

With a loud scream she tried to lunge herself at him, but he pushed her away without batting an eyelid. The Doctor hit the wall, gasping for breath while he left the cell, his eyes dark with deadly danger.

He would kill _everyone_!

“No!” She screamed while she stumbled back to her feet, already running after him. She tripped far too many times because she couldn’t see past her tears of anger – this body cried way too much!

The Doctor needed far too long to stop the tears – tears because of the Master’s betrayal. Again. Crying minds, groaning sounds, dying guards. The pain hurt but she refused to take her walls up. She caused that disaster, she would feel the consequences.

_“Stand with me, it’s all I ever wanted.”_

Ah, stupid tears, but this time it was far too easy to force them away even though she nearly stumbled across the next corpse.

_“Me too”_

“You stupid liar.” Her voice was shaking. “How could I ever trust you?”

No answer, only more bodies and screams for help. She didn’t even try to find them because there was nothing left to fight for. Stupid thing, friendship.

A feeling of emptiness started to fill her up. Slowly her mental walls slid shut, blocking the terrible distress signals of the victims. The Doctor felt cold and alone. Not a new feeling, but somehow so much worse, after she hoped, just for a few seconds, she could have another adventure with Koschei.

Stupid, stupid Doctor.

He was standing next to the gate of some of the escape capsules and most of the spaceships and was staring blankly at her the Doctor wasn’t even sure if he saw her.

The Master was surrounded by corpses and to her astonishment he was shaking violently.

“Master!” She hissed, her anger even higher than before. “Why? Why would you do that?!” She shouldn’t be shocked, he wiped out the Time Lords. But so did she.

“What is wrong with you?!” She screamed while he shook even more. “That wasn’t the plan, that was never the plan.”

His mouth moved soundless, but she didn’t even try to understand him. She could still feel the distress of the dying guards. “You _killed_ them for nothing!”

The Doctor could swear that she saw the Master’s corners of his mouth twitching.

“That’s insane, you are fucking insane!”

She realised her mistake the moment the blankness was replaced with something far worse. The eyes of a ghost stared back at her and he was terrified.

She could see Koschei break all over again while the Master wouldn’t stop shaking.

But maybe she did it deliberately because she wanted to _hurt_ him! And to her horror it felt _good_.

“You are a monster!” Now she was shaking, too.

“And you betrayed me.” Even though she wanted to scream the words weren’t louder than a whisper. “You betrayed me, I only wanted my friend back.”

The blank expression was back in his eyes and she reached her hand for him. “Missy, please.” She whispered consumed with grief for her lost friend. “Please, just once.”

The Doctor realised too late how stupid her whole outbreak had been. The inexorable anger was back in the Master’s eyes and she didn’t have the strength to fight him anymore. She didn’t care.

Her former best friend lunged at her, but she didn’t care.

It happened that fast that the woman in front of him couldn’t do so much as gasp for breath before he pushed her to the ground, the gun pressed to the back of her head.

“Alri –” She panted, but in another movement, he had her arms pinned behind her back, his knee pressed into her back and she was still gasping for air.

“Ko-koschei. It’s a–” He pushed his knee hard against her upper back and the words died away while she coughed for breaths.

Somehow it was incredible _wrong_ but the thing inside his head encouraged him to go on.

_She’s the problem, kill her. She’s going to stop you. Kill her!_

It told him even through it never actually formed words.

His left eye started to twitch – annoying – but he wondered _why_? Why should he kill her, what was wrong?

The woman tried to speak again, choking because he pushed more violent.

“Ma… st –”

Everything inside him screamed to pull the trigger but he still hesitated. He had no idea who she was. Damn it, he didn’t even know his own name! And now he should kill that woman who coughed violently under his body.

It was easy. Far too easy. He just needed to push.

Instead he pulled her on her back, still pinning her body to the ground, the gun barrel pressed to her forehead. She was breathing heavily, but there was no fear in her eyes. Just… curiosity and grief. He wondered what she was grieving for.

“It’s alright.” She whispered, but her voice was incredible calm and firm, her free hand steading the gun. Somehow, he let her talk. “Just don’t stop… when you do it, end all my lives.”

A part of him twisted because of her words, but the part that had taken control wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“What are you waiting for?” Her stern expression let his hand starting to shake but she was still steading the barrel.

“Don’t miss.”

And suddenly he _knew_. He knew that eyes, that lost expression.

She was Theta. She was the Doctor.

Every strength left his body all at sudden and he started to shake violently while something in his head snapped and he was _laughing_ while he was pressing a gun to Thetas head, unable to do something else but look at her expression.

He wouldn’t had wondered if he could have seen pity, instead he saw exhaustion. Somehow that was even funnier, and he started to hiccup while he backed away from her, his gaze watching in disbelief the gun in his hands.

The Doctor came slowly back to her knees, obviously hurt and a part of him wondered why he knew who she was but didn’t even know his own name.

The thing inside his head – no, the Cyberium – pushed again, trying to make him comply its desires.

_Kill her, kill her, kill her, kill her._ It screamed in the rhythm of the drums.

His laugher stopped abruptly. He would _never_ kill Theta.

“Get out of my head.” His lips moved soundless while the Cyberium twisted something and he could feel blood rushing out his nose. Good, that meant he was still fighting.

Because he was _the Master_!

Another push and the world started to shift around him, his name leaked away like sand through a sieve.

“No, no, no, no!” With each word he was knocking his hand against his head.

Well… not his hand. He was still holding the gun, but only realised when the Doctor tried to pull it away from him. He stumbled backwards, screaming at her.

“It’s alright, I promise, but _please_ , let go of the gun!”

Oh, when had she started to talk? And also, already begging?! A part of him knew that he loved it to hear her beg, but somehow that wasn’t satisfying at all.

“Why should I?!” His voice was shaking and even though he had no idea about his own identity he knew that she betrayed him. She was Theta but yet she left him alone to die. He couldn’t trust her.

There it was the rage boiling and bubbling while he screamed at the Doctor who just looked _unimpressed_.

Stupid little Koschei and another of his tantrums. She used to give him that look, too, back in the academy.

Oh, nice. Memories.

Not that he would tell her. All he did was screaming. He could hurt her with words, but his brain was far too tired to think of the right words. And it felt good. Nothing wrong with feeling good, right?

Ah, a change, whatever he did he should repeat hit. He liked the fear in her expression.

Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor… Theta.

“You should see yourself.”

“Master!”

“What?!” His voice was shaking.

“Please… give me the gun.”

“Why?”

“You are holding it the wrong way around.” The Doctor answered with a stressed tone in her voice.

That consumed in his screaming he hadn’t realised that the barrel was pointed at him. Weird.

Slowly he lowered the gun but still refused to give it to the Doctor’s outstretched hand.

_Something_ pinched hard inside his head and all he could manage was a low groan while his knees buckled. The Doctor grabbed him before he could hit the floor.

“My head…” He groaned while information started to flood his head. “Doctor…” He giggled.

Oh, there was his name. Of course, he was the Master. The giggling got worse, because he was _the Master_ , unable to stand on his own while his head tried to implode. The giggling turned to laugher, even if he knew that he probably was past the border of sanity it felt good to know his identity again.

“My head, oh my head.” Damn Cyberium! _You are going to obey me!_ As a respond it twisted something else and his knees nearly buckled again. More laughing, but he was tired, so, so tired.

The Master could feel how the Doctor carefully pulled the gun away from him. Not that she noticed his TCE…

“We need to go through that gate, alright?”

How was he acting most of the time if she spoke to him like that? Oh, his head hurt, his head hurt really bad. How long before the Cyberium would take hold of his memories again?

“Master?”

His gaze flickered to the Doctor’s eyes. “Yes, gate.” He answered with hoarse voice. Did he scream? He probably did.

What an odd look on the Doctor’s face?! The Master felt confused and _angry_.

The Moment he entered the space ship his whole world shattered around him again. The Master could actually feel how the Cyberium wrestled his consciousness to the ground, only allowing vulnerable scraps of his personality to reach the surface.

“I’m going to toss you into the next supernova!” He hissed while his world became dark around the edges. “What?” The Doctor looked at him, her face already covered up in darkness. “Master?”

The Master didn’t even try to explain to her that he had spoken to the Cyberium. Let her figure it out herself. She would have to deal with his confused self, she could make her own mind of it. The world shifted and he knew nothing anymore.

The Master didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry :(
> 
> I had a few difficulties writing that chapter and I’m not sure how it turned out… I hope it wasn’t too confusing… 
> 
> I hope my uploading pace is alright for you, I would love to post more than once a week, but I don’t want to leave you without any updates for weeks if I end up in a writer’s block or need longer for a particular chapter…   
> I promise, when I finally finish the story I’m going to upload much faster!


	13. Dreams

“Okay!” The Doctor took a deep breath, forcing the Master into one of the piloting chairs. The sirens were ringing, and it wouldn’t take long before someone found the dead guards. They should leave _now_!

While she started to work out how to fly that spaceship the Master stared blankly into nothingness. The Doctor knew that she should be angry, or at least worry about him, but honestly… she felt nothing at all.

She switched another button while the engine started to howl. The Doctor winched, that was a terrible sound, she missed her Tardis!

“Alright.” She mumbled and started to move the whole spaceship. It felt honestly really weird to pilot such a primitive, giant machine (ignoring the internal dimensions of her Tardis) but it helped the Doctor to ignore what just happened.

The Master moved, slowly starting to sit up properly. “No!” She pushed him back down. There was a dangerous look under the dullness in his eyes. He would not ruin their escape!

The Master looked far to innocent, terrible confused and hurt but the Doctor didn’t care. After all he had done… she didn’t care!

“I’m sorry.” She whispered but felt nothing at all. “Can’t have your new best friend interfering, I hope you are acquainted enough by now, it would be the right time to let go of it!”

The Master looked back at her in confusion, but the Doctor took hold of his temples even though he tried to wiggle out of her grip and pushed him to sleep. He slumped into the chair, head lolling over his chest, but the Doctor turned merely around, not wanting to bear his sight any longer.

“Even your mental walls are shattered.” She hissed at his sleeping form, forcing the spaceship to go faster.

After they passed the fields shielding the prison they were out of danger for now. She should be happy, but no… still nothing.

Alright, the stupid tears were back, and she wrapped her arms about her own body, grip hard, just to feel something again. Another look towards the Master.   
“What happened to us, Kos?” She whispered with broken voice.   
“All we ever wanted was to see the universe. We were meant to be together… What happened?!”

She never got an answer.

He jolted out of his sleep. What a terrible dream! Something about attacking someone he liked. The man still had difficulties to make sense about everything that happened, and it would be nice to know his name, but otherwise he seemed alright.

Slowly he sat up only to realise he could roll properly to his side. Confused he turned around, realising the metal bracelet around his right wrist, bounding him to the railing. He pulled but nothing happened. A somehow familiar woman approached him, such an empty expression in her eyes. She definitely needed a hug! 

“Sorry about the handcuff, you tried to strangle me, we nearly crashed into a meteorite. As long as you won’t get loose of your new acquaintance that’s saver for both of us.” He groaned, having difficulties to understand the meaning for her words. Since when did he have an acquaintance? Another forceful tuck at the handcuff.

“You only hurt yourself.” He whined while she turned away and sat down in one of the chairs. He could barely see her now. He started to get scared, he couldn’t move away, she was gone, and nobody knew if there were Vashta Nerada in the shadows.

He started to cry, longing for his Dad to sing him to sleep while he wondered about his name. He drifted to unconsciousness is eyes fixed onto the woman in front of him. Even after his eyes were long closed, he searched for her mental presence.

Koschei opened his eyes and wondered why he couldn’t sit up. Where were his parents? And why did he feel that weird? His body felt too clumsy and far too _big_. He opened his mouth to call for his Mum and Dad but the tickling in his throat let him stop abruptly. That was _wrong_!

His free hand touched his face and he stopped in his tracks. Was that a _beard_?! How could he have a beard, he didn’t even go to the academy yet. His eyes opened slowly and Koschei was confused about the different colours. It was even stranger that it didn’t feel wrong at all.

Where was he? That wasn’t his home! Koschei spotted a woman sitting in front of a big screen which showed an unknown part of the universe. He needed to ask his Mum if she ever saw that part before.

Wait.

He was in space! Koschei stared shocked out of the window. But somehow that wasn’t new, too. Weird. Who was that woman? And what did she wear?! Maybe she was an alien and kidnapped him in his sleep only to force him to regenerate, that was the reason why everything felt that weird.

Koschei frowned, that didn’t make any sense at all, did it?! Somehow, he wasn’t afraid even though he had no idea where his parents were. Surely, he must be dreaming! He giggled silently, still astonished how different his throat felt while he made sounds. Maybe he was an adult!

That was a really funny dream, but he wished he could move around, discover space on his own. Stupid dream! The woman turned around, watching him with a strange expression. She scared him. Koschei closed his eyes, if he wished hard enough, she would go away for sure!

When he woke up, he needed to ask his Dad how he could learn to control his dreams so that there were no scary women, no handcuffs and no Vashta Nerada! Steps approached him. Why was she still there?

“Master?” She whispered and even through Koschei was really confused the sound of that title felt familiar. Maybe he could choose that title when he would become a Time Lord.

“Are you awake?” Koschei hold his breath. _Go away, go away, go away!_  
“I know you are awake!” Alright, he really wanted to wake up _now_!

He screamed, pressed himself against the wall when she touched him. “Go away!” Oh, that voice was terrible. Never mind the dream and the universe, he wanted to wake up now!

“Calm down, it’s just me.”

“No, go away, go away, I don’t know who you are!”

She reached for him again and Koschei was utterly terrified. She would hurt him… she would _kill_ him. “No! Please, please, I don’t want to die.” Her shocked expression surprised him but all he wanted was his parents and to finally get away from the strange woman with the eyes of a murderer.

“It’s alright, I would never hurt you!”

Still, he screamed while her hands touched his temples and the world went dark around him.

He opened his eyes, knowing that he wasn’t a toddler anymore. And still, he dreamt of stars and planets and whole unknown universes he wanted to discover. A boy reached his hand for him, calling him to come with him, to see every star in the universe, but he turned away in shame.   
The boy didn’t deserve a failure like him.

The next time he woke he knew his name. The Master forced his mind to lead the Doctor into believing that he was still fast asleep. The Cyberium must have done quite a mess inside his head because he could already feel the unbearably throbbing of a telepathic attack after that little task.

Something touched his face and it took all the Master’s willpower to stay limp. “Not again, stop fighting you idiot!” A familiar voice mumbled, and he needed a moment to realise that his nose started bleeding again.

It was strange how gently she took care of him while the Doctor thought he was asleep. “You stubborn idiot.” She whispered. “Don’t do that to me, I _need_ you!” Maybe he was dreaming… He felt a kiss pressed to his forehead. The soft lips stayed there for a while. Alright, definitely dreaming! He drifted off to sleep again.

The Master felt like he was floating, every door in his mind had been pushed open all at once and the strength to keep them shut again left him barely able to reach consciousness again. His head throbbed painful and he couldn’t think clear.

At least that explained why he had felt as the little boy he once had been. Somehow it had been nice to be little Koschei, without any real problems. He envied his past for his ignorance.

“Sssh, it’s alright.” Someone was stroking his hair. He wondered why the Doctor was that kind to him. Couldn’t be because he was crying due to the fact that his head felt as if it was breaking apart. 

Gently fingers traced his face, carefully running over his closed eyes, his cheekbones, his lips.

It felt peaceful.

Tears began to run down his face because Theta used to touch Koschei like that. Weird little Theta. Oh, he loved that boy more than his live. Back on Gallifrey he would had given his whole existence if necessary, to save his life.

“I love you, too.”

The Master flinched. What did she just say? And _why_?

The superior being that she was wouldn’t fall that low and love someone like him. The Doctor just told him herself, that he was a monster and so much less than her.

“I’m sorry.”

Her hands came to rest on his face. It had always been weird but since their childhood he enjoyed the feeling of Theta touching him, showing him his love.

_For ever and ever and ever._

She whispered in his head, but the Master was too tired to make sense out of her rambling. He hadn’t thought, but with his mental walls that low his feelings were leaking, that would explain her silly answers.

Her hands moved away, and he groaned because the pain in his head got worse. “Sorry.” The Doctor whispered using a gallifreyan word that meant so much more. She was asking for his forgiveness. The Master wondered what she had done to feel that guilty.

The Doctor moved him around until the Master could rest his head onto her upper body. His cuffed arm was pressed into an awkward angled, but she stopped him when he tried to pull again.

“I’m sorry, I wish that wasn’t necessary.”

The Master manged a low whimper. Oh, he was _pathetic_. But it felt so nice to feel her gently touching him – only because of the terrible headache of course.

_You need Theta, you will always need the Doctor._ The voice of his first body whispered inside his head. Stupid Koschei, he had no idea what he was talking about! But nevertheless, he was right.

“Do you know where you are?” She asked in a low voice. Oh, of course, she though he was still controlled by the Cyberium. That made so much more sense, she was talking to his past self who used to appear during the confusion.

Of course, the Doctor wouldn’t tell the Master that she loved him, that was just ridiculous.

His tears started to spill even faster. Weird. Why? His head hurt, he felt sad and lonely even though Theta pressed him to her body.

“It’s alright, no need to worry, I’m taking care of you. Everything is going to be alright!”

It was easy to pretend he had no idea what was happening. The Doctor wouldn’t hold him close to her body if she knew that the Master was very aware about everything that was happening.

And he couldn’t stop the tears spilling over her stupid rainbow shirt.

“I’m sorry!” The Doctor sounded shocked. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean what I told you…” She started to stroke his back and he caught himself leaning into her touch.

The Master knew fragmentary what had happened, as if he watched through a veil. The Cyberium had used his body as a vessel and still, the remaining thoughts had been in control of his actions. That was a success, the Cyberium couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do. Well _, almost_.

And yet he was crying, clinging to the Doctor as if she was his only lifeline. And maybe she was.

His whole body started to shake with his sobs because his beloved constant didn’t need him. The Doctor was a much higher being than he could ever be.

He loved her for seeing him as her equal – always. How could she care for him if he was so much less than she was?

“Look at me, please.” She told him gently. But the Master couldn’t follow her request because a look in his eyes would tell her that he was playing yet another game with her. He couldn’t bear that loneliness and contempt right now.

The Master didn’t want her to leave, he wanted her to hold him, but he was never going to tell her that. There was a time, when the Doctor knew that the Master felt that way, but she seemed to have forgotten it.

Or maybe she just didn’t care about his feelings anymore.

The Master clung even tighter into her shirt, allowing the sobs to escape. The Doctor thought he was a confused victim, he could play his part if it meant her kindness. He drifted off to sleep, his feelings jumping between the sense of security and loneliness.


	14. Pieces

The Master woke up all at sudden, flinching because the warmth covering him started to move.

“Sorry, ignore me, just sleep.”

He groaned, his eyes flying open. “Doctor.” He growled while she tried to free herself of his embrace.

Instead of moving away he just tightened his hold and buried his face back into her shirt.

“Master, you need to let me go, we have nearly run out of fuel.”

“Don’t care.” He muttered, pressing her to the makeshift bed when she tried to roll away, again.

“Seriously, we need to land! Or do you prefer to get lost in space?”

With sleepy eyes the Master looked up to her. Her hair was ruffled, and she had a stern expression in her eyes. Best to just go to sleep.

But something caught the Master’s attention. The Doctor had dark marks all around her neck. Carefully he moved his free hand towards her throat, and she flinched that hard that she nearly managed to slip away.

“What…?” He looked at her, quite shocked, because she hadn’t had that marks the last time the looked at her. And it was nobody there – except him.

The Doctor rolled her eyes, he believed she tried to look amused, but she only looked utterly exhausted. “Told you before, you tried to strangle me… well, I believe it was a mutual idea of the Cyberium.”

It wasn’t the fact that he had strangled her that shocked the Master – he had done it many times before, it was the fact that he couldn’t remember it _at all_. It was terrifying.

The Doctor sighed and rolled away from him, he didn’t try to stop her this time.

She didn’t wear her coat and somehow her small body looked far more fragile than usual.

“Where’s your coat?” He asked, more because the Doctor didn’t seem to talk at all.

“Took me ages to find a handkerchief…” She muttered and finally the Master spotted the bloodied rag that used to be her beloved coat.

“Oh…”

All at sudden the Doctor started to laugh hysterically, and the Master stared at her in confusion. “What’s so funny?”

He used to laugh a lot but the Doctor… something was more wrong that he had believed at first.

“O, you know, O…” Her laughing started to die away, and he could see the desperation in her eyes.

“Doctor… are you alright?” She chuckled, pressed her hand to her mouth and nodded far too often.

“Me? I’m always alright.” She started to giggle again, and it shocked the Master that the Doctor was obviously losing it.

“I don’t think so, Doctor.” He tried again.

“Well, I’m not the one with bandages on my head, am I?”

The Master’s hand flew towards his head and he could feel that most of his head was hidden under a makeshift bandage.

“Well than… thanks?” He sighed, feeling new gashes and bruises. He didn’t… not again?

“Doctor?”

Slowly she turned around, her mouth slightly agape which made the whole situation more surreal. That woman was the Doctor! Now, she looked confused, hurt, tired and _old_.

“Yes?”

“Did you hit me?”

She flinched at his words and that was all the answer he needed.

“Told you… you tried do strangle me. We nearly crashed.”

He couldn’t remember that she had told him that, but he wouldn’t let her know.

The Master chuckled.

“Well, that explains why I’m handcuffed, doesn’t it?”

The Doctor frowned, looking at him as if he lost his mind. She already thought that, not a new look than.

“Yes, I told you before. You woke up – a few times actually. Most of the times you were quite confuses, sometimes you were really aggressive… but I don’t think that was your doing.”

The Master had thought he remembered most of that times, even the times he thought he had been a little child. But aggressive?! That didn’t make any sense. Where was the significance of attacking her, while she was driving his only possibility to leave deep space?

Another look towards the Doctor, but she didn’t look at him anymore.

The Doctor was jumping – he really couldn’t find another word to describe her movements – around the little room, doing something at the console, only to reach for the only cupboard, haul out a discoloured bottle and toss it towards him.

His mind was that clouded that he nearly didn’t catch the bottle.

“No food, but the water is alright… well, won’t kill you.” She grimaced.

Slowly he opened the bottle and took a long gulp only to nearly vomit all over the makeshift bed.

“Are you trying to poison me?” The Doctor smiled tiredly at him.

He hid a grin, weighting up if he was really that thirsty or if he could manage a few days without water. Finally, his body needs won, and the Master drunk the whole bottle in mere gulps while holding his nose. It still tasted awful.

He turned around, but the Doctor didn’t was already back at the console, tipping something in, before she sprinted back to the cupboard.

The Doctor had dark rings under her eyes and seemed far more agitated than usual. Even as a little boy she had never managed to stay put, but right now the Master was quite sure that she wouldn’t stand up again if she rested for once.

He wondered how long her body would allow her the abuse until she would finally collapse.

“Doctor?”

Her exhausted gaze met his eyes.

“Yes?”

“How long did I sleep?”

“Little bit more than nine hours.”

The Master’s eyes widened.

“Are you kidding me?!” He asked shocked, his time sense was still off so he had no idea if she was telling the truth.

“Nope.” The Doctor rubbed her eyes. It didn’t help her appearance, next to the dark rings her eyes looked puffy now, too.

The Master still felt far too tired, especially if he really slept that long… The Doctor wouldn’t have…

“Did you give anything to me?”

The Doctor turned around to him, a sad smile on her lips. The moment her expression fell she looked _old_. The Master could see the thousands of years she lived. It was a shocking realisation.

“No, all your own doing. I was really worried about your among of sleep too, but that’s only the Cyberium.”

The Master grunted. _Still going to toss you into the next supernova!_ As a respond his nose started to bleed, again, while his head reached a new level of pain.

“Talking about the Cyberium…” The Doctor started, while she handed him wordless a handkerchief, but he refused to let her continue.

“No! I won’t let go of it!”

The deadly glare she gave him frightened him more than he would ever admit, and he hide behind the bloodied handkerchief, while trying to stop the bleeding.

“Why?” Her voice was childlike, so different to her cold expression.

Why? Because, because… because he didn’t deserve it. The Master never had any means to survive their encounter on Gallifey and yet… here he was, with the Doctor, an almighty being, and he was nothing but an insect at her feet.

Theta had loved insects. He would have pick them up everywhere, care for them, build them little houses. Koschei had always made fun of his friend’s pets. He always did, even after the insects turned into humans.

And now… now he was nothing more but an insect, another of her pets, forgotten the moment she _moved on_ , but right now, she saw him! She showed him kindness.

The Master couldn’t live in a universe with the Doctor as a higher being, immortal, while he would decay around her.  
_I am so much more than you!_

She wasn’t his equal anymore.

“Master?”

She never listened, she never understood. Everything had always been about her.

“Why?” He finally reacted to her question. “Don’t you know, love.” She stared at him with a blank expression. “Because I can do it! Don’t you see all the power, all the control –“

“It’s killing you!” The Doctor snapped at him. “You are dying because you want to be in control? Do you even know how stupid that sounds?!”

All he did was grinning at her. When would she understand that he had no plans of escaping death again? Destroying Gallifrey also denied him the possibility of a new regeneration cycle.

Good, that ability was nothing but the product of the torture of an innocent child.

After he discovered the truth the Master had started to dream of Theta, tied to a table while Tecteun dissected him. Crying, screaming, begging her to stop.

“Koschei?” He had asked afterwards, barely audible anymore. “Why does she need to do that?”

“Because we never meet if she doesn’t, Thete.”

He had started to cry again while Tecteun stabbed his left heart.

The Master had woken with a scream, still able to see the pictures of the tortured child. It hadn’t been _his Theta_ back then, but another child’s body, but it had been Theta, nevertheless.

_For ever and ever and ever._

The Master was forced out of his thoughts because the Doctor suddenly lunged for him, throwing him to his back, while she took hold of his temples.

All he could to was laughing while she still hesitated.

“Do it, Doctor, just do it, I don’t care!”

If she wanted to force the Cyberium out of his head – fine with him.

Maybe it would kill him.

All at sudden the Doctor started to tremble, barely able to keep her hands at his temples anymore. Oh, of course, she had heard his thoughts.

“W-wh-why?” She was shaking that hard that her teeth wouldn’t stop rattling.

“What?!”

But the Doctor already crawled away from him, unable to get to her own feet as it seemed, _sobbing_. She was sobbing that hard that something inside his hearts snapped.

“Doctor?”

Only more tears, more choked sobs. “Why?” She howled, her head buried between her hands. “Why?!”

Like Theta on the table, forced to die repeatedly only so that the Master could be born.

“Doctor…”

She lay curled in foetal position, her sobs started to disappear, the silent tears that followed were even worse.

“Come on, Doctor!”

The Master pulled at the handcuff, but it wouldn’t buckle.

“Doctor!” Oh, screaming again. The rage was back, but not because of her, but because of the horrors she had to endure.

Another forceful tuck, all he managed was to draw blood on his wrist. He needed to calm down, if he wanted to open that fucking lock he needed to calm down.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t easy while the Doctor fell apart in front of him.

“Doctor.” The Master tried again, this time with a much calmer voice. “Doctor, please.” She didn’t even seem to listen to him.

“I don’t understand, I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” That was a lie. Yes, he didn’t understand, but he also didn’t want to understand. Refusing to understand saved so much pain. He couldn’t cope with more pain. But neither could the Doctor.

“Doctor…” No reaction at all, only her shaking body, so small, so vulnerable. Not the Oncoming Storm, not the Doctor, just a broken woman. He couldn’t even see her past selves in her while she laid curled up on the floor.

“Theta, come on.” She seemed to still instantly. “Theta come on. Just, come to me…. Please.” It took him quite an effort to force the last word over his lips, but it worked.

The Doctor slowly turned around, puffy eyes, tear streaks all over her face.

“Come, please.” He reached his hand towards her and to the Master’s astonishment the Doctor started to move slowly. 

The moment she was in his reach he pulled her into a tight hug even when she flinched hard and struggled at first. The sobs were back, and the Master couldn’t help but pull her even closer.

The Doctor shook more violently now, crying, whining… breaking apart. 

It was the most horrible thing the Master had seen in years.

“Sssh… it’s alright…”

 _No, it’s not._ She wailed mentally. _Nothing is alright, everything is broken…_

Her walls were that low that the Master could feel her pain, her grief, her loneliness and most shocking, her self-hatred. Nothing new, but this time it felt overwhelming.

“Why?” Now he was asking that question, but the Doctor didn’t seem to hear him.

“Doctor?” No answer, only more trembling.

“Theta, can you please say something…”

Instead of an answer she seemed to calm down. He could feel how she grabbed his waistcoat while her sobs died away and left nothing but the silent tears.

Ignoring his pride for once – his far to vivid memory of his past made it impossible to do otherwise – the Master started to stroke the Doctor’s back.

To his astonishment she didn’t seem to mind at all, actually calming down until he could hear nothing but her ragged breaths.

Using his cuffed arm, even if it meant to twist it in a painful angle, he started to run his fingers through her hair.

“You should do something with it, you know?” No answer, only her breaths and occasional sudden shakes.

“I think you would look quite cute with a braid.”

The Doctor giggled nearly silently but it was enough to draw a smile to the Master’s lips.

“Honestly, you should try it.”

“I think they are too long.” She whispered.

The Master grunted. “Don’t be ridiculous. I think you look astonishing.”

The Doctor giggled again. “Can I see that as a compliment?” She mumbled into his shirt.

He chuckled. “Only trying to cheer you up… but honestly, without your ridiculous clothes you wouldn’t look too bad.”

“You, too.”

“What?”

“Don’t look too bad.”

The Master chuckled. “Only ‘not too bad’? Don’t you think I’m incredibly attractive?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Well, without your _ridiculous_ beard.”

“Oh stop, you like my beard!”

He could feel her grinning. “Yap, but you said it yourself, I have a terrible sense of styling.”

The Master laughed even more.

“What’s wrong with my clothes, anyway. I like rainbows.”

“Doctor” He giggled. “It’s not the rainbow, there are beautiful clothes with rainbows, but not _that_ shirt.”

“That’s quite offensive.” The Master could still feel her smile which made him grin even more.

“But it’s true. I’m going to find you something decent with a rainbow!”

“Decent?” The Doctor giggled again, finally lifting her head and watching him with swollen eyes but a little smile on her face.

“Well all your other bodies had the decency to cover you. I know you never cared but you never actually run around nearly _naked_.”

The Doctor snorted again.

“You are joking, right?”

“Of course, I’m joking, love. But by gallifreyan regulation you show far too much. I can see your ankles and your _neck_.”

“Maybe I did it to provoke you.” She whispered, suddenly really close to his face. He could see the sparkles in her green eyes, her dry lips and he just needed to close the gap and –

“Well,” she pulled out of his protective arms. “I can’t wait to see _decent rainbow clothes_.”

The Master rolled his eyes, somehow feeling empty, while the Doctor stood up, rubbing her already puffy eyes. She still looked as if she could collapse any moment.

“You should sleep, love.” The Master opened his arms to allow her to come back to his embrace.

“No.” She croak with a low voice, suddenly she seemed to be drained of the energy she had only seconds ago.

“Told you, no fuel left, we need to land as soon as possible. Arnoc is in reach, need to land…”

“Arnoc… oh, I hate that planet.” She managed a low giggle. “Me, too, but we won’t make it any further.”

“What a pity… still, you need to rest.”

“No, told you, we need to land.”

“You can let me do that.” She smiled at him sadly. “No, I can’t. Not with the Cyberium inside your head.”

Another sad smile, so different to her giggles and she moved towards the controls.

The Master couldn’t say anything to convince her, because, as always, _the Doctor was right_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally joined Tumblr! [Say hello](https://eternaluniverseworld.tumblr.com/), if you want: eternaluniverseworld.tumblr.com
> 
> Kudos and comments keep me motivated so as always, I would love to get any kind of feedback. :)


	15. Peaceful Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, take a look at that [brilliant art](https://okseniaart.tumblr.com/post/620484063765184512/the-doctor-schatteneule-doctor-who-2005) of the Doctor with a braid by Oksenia. Honestly, I love it!  
> 
> 
> There’s a little bit of smut in this chapter. It’s nothing explicit and I don’t usually write something like that, but it seemed fitting… I’m quite nervous about it though, so I hope you have fun :)

Being the Doctor, having the habit to exaggerate during driving – on top of that also overtired and exhausted – meant one thing with certainty: The normally smoothly, nearly soundless landing ended in crash-landing.

“Seriously, Doctor!”

She ignored him while she tried her best not to vomit. She must be _really_ tired.

The ship gave a pathetic buzzing before all lights went out.

For a moment none of the two said a thing before they started to laugh in unison.

“You will never learn it, will you?” The Master giggled and the Doctor couldn’t help but laugh even more.

At least, the Master thought, the Doctor had managed to land in a deserted area where nobody would find the battered spaceship without looking for it. Not that it would help them much without any fuel, the Doctor had been right, they barely made it to Arnoc.

The Doctor gave him a tired look while she put her bloodied coat on. “It’s cold.” She defended herself after she saw the Master’s raised eyebrows. She looked terrible.

The dark rings under her eyes didn’t help her appearance at all and the Master felt that sorry for her poor state that he didn’t complained at all while she uncuffed him even through his wrist really hurt.

“I find you another bandage…” The Doctor mumbled after she saw the bruises, but he stopped her.

“Doctor, it’s fine.” He assured her, grapping her wrist because she didn’t seem to hear him at all.

“Doctor!” Her eyes snapped towards him and a fake smile appeared.

“You need to sleep.”

“Not staying here…”

“Well, then let’s go, find something decent!”

The Doctor smiled weakly. “Decent.” She managed a grin. “We are on Arnoc.”

He groaned. “Oh, I nearly forgot, the planet of the criminals and smuggler that could be counted as a black market.”

“The Cyberium –“ The Doctor started, but he interrupted her. “It’s fine. Let’s go, now!”

They ended up in a dirty little room with nothing but a small bed and an even smaller bathroom with an equivalent of a toilet and a rusted bathtub.

The Master sniffed.

“They could at least clean the toilet.”

The Doctor only rolled her eyes.

“Take a shower, you reek!”

“Look who’s talking.” She nudged him playfully, grinning and stalked into the little room which even missed a door.

“You look like – what’s the name of the animal on earth, the pink one?”

“I hope you don’t mean a pig?”

The Master giggled. “The one with only one leg. It’s a bird.”

“I don’t know an animal with one leg – oh no, don’t tell me you mean a flamingo?”

“Yap, that’s the one.” He could feel the Doctor’s grin and the stepped after her, only to discover that the shower head was broken.

“Well… you like baths…” The Doctor tried to argue, opening the tap to fill the tub, while the Master merely turned around and flopped to the ground.

It felt like hours until the water reached decent among and the Master carefully put a finger into the tub.

“At least it’s warm.” He grumbled while the water splashed all around the bathroom. As if to spite him the stream of water slowly started to decrease until nothing, but sporadic drops were left.

“You couldn’t have chosen another room, could you?” He complained.

“At least the tub is full.” The Doctor shrugged her shoulders. She was laying on the floor, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. (The Master would never admit it, but despite her vulnerable state she looked so much like her first body in his youth.)

“Yes, but as you might have realised – we are two persons. And I bet there won’t be another drop of water.”

“Well then, hurry up as long as it’s hot.”

The Master groaned.

“Why should I, you still reek like a rotten human.”

“Oh, shut up and clean yourself. I find… something.”

“Because that always works, does it?”

“Alright.” She stamped towards him. “Let’s share.”

“You lost your mind!” She only rolled her eyes, mumbling something like ‘Look who’s talking…’ before she turned around, eyes sparkling.

“Why not, wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Doctor…”

Ignoring him she started to undress herself.

“Doctor stop!” He gripped her arm, turning her around.

“What’s your problem, _Koschei_?” The Doctor withdrew of his grip, working on her socks (with imprinted eyes – Theta would never change).

“It’s not like I never saw your naked.” She pulled her trousers down and the Master started to giggle.

“Are you serious?!”

“What?” She hissed at him, her arms folded, wearing nothing but her stupid shirt and _yellow boxers with rockets_.

The Master started to giggle uncontrollable. “Where did you find them?”

“In the children’s department.” She explained as if it was the obvious thing in the world. “My old boxers didn’t fit anymore, annoying.”

The Master burst out in laugher while the Doctor didn’t seem to see the problem at all. 

“What’s wrong with rockets?”

“You didn’t think about looking in the women department?” He managed finally.

The Doctor groaned. “You mean these _rags_ that slip into your bum cleft and stay there?! I tried it, I really did but you can’t _run_ like that. Honestly, how did you manage, you even wore stockings and a corset…” She grimaced in horror.

“I don’t run.” The Master shrugged his shoulders.

The Doctor slipped out of her shirt, grinning at him while she worked on her green sports bra.

“Doctor, seriously, stop.”

The grin that followed had nothing to do with the old eyes that examined him.

“Afraid?”

The Master wondered if was her overfatigue that draw a smug smile on her lips while she took of her remaining clothes.

He knew that he was staring at her, at her unfamiliar body and there was no denying, that she looked absolutely stunning.

Not that the Doctor knew. She just managed to enter the tub (or at least tried) the most unsexy way possible – only Theta Sigma could manage _that_.

“Aaargh!” She started to curse in gallifreyan swearwords the Master hadn’t heard for years while she stumbled backwards, holding her toes – “Hot, hot, hot. Far to hot.” – only to slip on the wet floor.

The Master was giggling while he prevented the Doctor from falling to the ground and pulled her in his embrace.

The previous far too absurd situation shifted when the Master realised that he was pressing the Doctor – naked – to his chest while she stared at him with the eyes of a god.

He just looked at her, his arms tightly around her shoulders while her fingers moved towards his face.

“I hate you.” The Doctor whispered but it was her past – Theta – who looked back at him.

_I hate you, too. Theta._ She was kissing him, her hands moving over his still fully clothed body. The Master wasn’t sure who had closed the gap, or when, but all that mattered were his hands over her unusual soft skin, and her tongue exploring his mouth.

It was one of their many first kisses in many bodies, but the Doctor tasted as always even through her current body was so different, so much smaller than he had ever seen her.

It was weird how she needed to stand on tiptoes to deepen their kiss while he moved over her feminine curves, wondering how she always ended up in perfect bodies without even being able to control the regeneration process.

The Master was hard against her thigh and the Doctor’s smirk on his lips told him, that she was very aware of it.

He pulled her even closer and stopped her grinning with a teasing bite on her bottom lip. She chuckled, her fingers slowly moving over his body – The Doctor pulled away, an even wider grin on her face.

She slowly moving towards the tub, her eyes were sparkling with joy.

“Coming?”

How could he deny her request?

The Doctor felt her insides bubbling with _something_. She was bad with emotions this time around. (Nope, most of the times – always –, she only was better in hiding it sometimes.)

The Master stared at her, breathing hard while he started to unbutton his waistcoat with shaking fingers. The Doctor felt herself smiling in a way she hadn’t done in this body yet. Her eyes wandered over the Master’s body who looked quite cute with his blushing red cheeks.

The Doctor wondered if it was the heat in the small room or if he was _still staring at her_.

“Oh.” She giggled.

“Doctor.” His voice was hoarse, and the Doctor giggled even more.

“I believe you’re staring. Master.”

“I believe I am not.” The Doctor merely let her eyes wander towards the Master’s arousal, grin even wider while the Master finally managed to get rid of his shirt. He pulled the bandages of his head while the Doctor was _giggling_.

Too tired. Too tired.

Suddenly she felt ashamed. Did she take advantage of his vulnerable state, unable to think clear herself?  
Without a second thought she dropped to the bottom of the tub, closed her eyes and tried to talk herself into believing she was sinking to the bottom of an ocean.

Peaceful.

Silent. No more liabilities. Just peace. Sleep. Oh, she was tired. So tired.

It would be easy to slip away, so easy. Her respirator bypass system kicked in, but the Doctor barely noticed it. She did notice however the strong hands pulling her back to the surface.

“What are you doing?”

The Master was staring at her, worry in his eyes and the Doctor didn’t want to see that expression. He was the Master, he didn’t _worry_ about anything.

“Doctor!”

Instead of an answer she closed the gap between them and pressed her lips on his. The Master stilled, his eyes wide and vulnerable. The Doctor let her lids close and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

Finally, the Master reacted, opening his mouth and roughly kissing her back. It felt familiar and still different to feel his beard scratching on her face while she remembered his last body’s smoothly skin. The Doctor moaned in his mouth while he picked her up.

She wasn’t sure what he was doing and honestly didn’t care. She could feel them sink back into the tub while the Doctor straddled his waist, pushing him to the wall until they were pressed chest to chest together.

His hands were on her bottom, squeezing and the Doctor was surprised about the noises that left her mouth. She should have tried that ages ago.

The Master pushed her back while she gripped his waist and she was giggling again while the water splashed around them.

They pulled apart, heavily breathing.

“I hate you.” The Doctor rasped, while she could feel her hearts pounding hard in her chest.

Without an answer the Master started to kiss her neck, his mouth moving over the bruises where he strangled her only hours ago.

“Doctor.” He sighed while she gripped his hair, legs gripping tighter around his waist.

“Remind me that we need to go shopping!”

The Doctor chuckled only to moan when he started to bite teasingly at her collarbone.

“Why?” She pressed out flinching when his fingers reached her breasts and – Rassilon, good to know these things could feel that good.

The Master looked up at her, pupils dilated with lust and he was absolutely stunning.

“We need to discuss your fashion style.”

The Doctor was chuckled, her hands moving down his body and the Master groaned against her neck, eyes fixed on her.

“You are stunning, Doctor. Theta.”

She smiled weakly, hands reaching his thighs and – His eyes started to roll back in his head and she stilled instantly.

“Master?” She whispered, not sure if he was only enjoying or – “Theta?” The Doctor could see in his eyes that he switched back into oblivion. She mourned silently. _Not now!_

“Yes, dear?” He looked utterly confused, his hand still wandering around her breasts. “What do you need breasts for?” The Doctor exploded in laughter.

The Master stared at her, while the Doctor slowly pulled away.

“Perfect timing, Master. Really.” Suddenly the exhaustion was back while the Master had no idea what was going on. Not that he seemed to mind, that he was naked, pressed towards the Doctor in a far too small bathtub.

“Fucking Cyberium.” She hissed. “Stubborn asshole.”

“Are you alright?” The Master pulled her closer, too gently. She couldn’t cope with a weak copy of Koschei right know.

He tried to kiss her, clumsy like an innocent teenager and the Doctor carefully pulled away.

“Oh Koschei.” She whispered. “My Koschei.”

For a moment she considered it, kissing that innocent boy the Master – her Koschei – had once been. He looked at her the same way he used to look at the Doctor when she had only been 50 and the weirdest boy who ever attended to the academy.

But she couldn’t do it. It was wrong, it was _selfish_. The Master stared at her with such admiration in his eyes, maybe even love, and it wasn’t fair. For both of them

“Love you, Kos…” She whispered barely audibly, unable to stand his gaze.

He didn’t answer. Actually, he didn’t do a thing, just seemed to be frozen. His eyes where empty and it took the Doctor far to long to realise what was wrong.

The seizure started out of nowhere, the Master’s eyes rolled back while he fell forward. The Doctor was barely able to catch him before he hit the wall. She could feel him convulsing in her grip, his neck bend in an awkward angle while he started to drool.

“Koschei, Koschei!”

It seemed to last ages, but it couldn’t be longer than a few seconds. Finally, his body fell silent, but the Doctor needed far too long to realise because she trembled herself that hard.

“Koschei, Koschei please.”

The Doctor shook him far too rough, but his eyes still didn’t see a thing and it scared her more than she would ever admit seeing him like that.

“Please, please.” Tears. Again. Stupid body. Stupid tears. Stupid Master.

He whimpered barely audible, weakly struggling in her grip and another sob escaped her.

“You are killing yourself, you stupid idiot. You’re dying. Don’t you understand. You die!”

He merely smiled at her, obviously utterly confused, reaching for a strand of her hair.

“Who’s dying?” The Master frowned, caressing her cheek.

“And who are you?”

The Master managed to fight through his dreamlike state only to find himself getting dressed by the Doctor. He pulled away, stumbling, staring at her. Didn’t they kiss only seconds ago?

“Oh, hello Master, nice to see you again.” The Doctor didn’t even try to smile.

The woman, his Doctor, he had seen through the cracks in her broken shell was gone again and left nothing but an old broken man. It was hard to see the childish joy of Theta the Doctor had never lost before.

His eyes wandered around, obviously confused. How did he end up here?!

“What… how long?”

“About twenty minutes, don’t worry, you were really sweet.”

The Master wasn’t sure if she was joking but decided it wasn’t important. The Doctor’s hands were shaking, she possible didn’t realise it herself, but despite his emerging anger he knew, that she was no fun like that.

“Doctor.” He started, but she turned around.

“Go to bed, Master, I still need to think about something.”

The Master frowned.

“Don’t be ridiculous, a few hours more and you are going to collapse.”

The Doctor’s old, tired eyes looked over him, obviously unsure what she should think about his words. “I mean it, seriously, you need to sleep!”

“Okay.”

Well, that was easy.

The Doctor reached her a hand towards him and to his own astonishment the Master took it. She smiled and guided him to the bed, carefully sitting on the edge.

“You need to lay down, Doctor.” He saw the fear in her eyes, wondered if she was only afraid of possible nightmares or if there was so much more he didn’t understand, yet?

“Lay down.”

Following every of his movements she rested her head onto the single pillow, her breath ragged and her body far to tense. The Master tried his best to ignore her strain while he tugged her in.

“Just close your eyes okay, I promise I won’t kill anyone while you are asleep.”

The Doctor didn’t react at all, her eyes staring at the celling. Carefully he tried to move away but a firm grip on his hand stopped him.

“No… please…” Her mouth was slightly agape she stared at him, an unspeakable question on her lips.

His mind touched hers carefully and her walls faltered without a question for permission.

_It’s alright, Theta._

He knew what she wanted but he couldn’t…

Memories of their childhood and youth started to float around them. Theta and Koschei, cuddling, watching the stars. The Master wasn’t sure who’s thoughts he was seeing but the craving for closeness were definitely the Doctor’s emotions. Even if he couldn’t deny he felt the same.

It costed him quite an effort… but she was still his Theta, his _everything_.

The bed was far too small for two people, but the Doctor snuggled that close against him that he was sure they could manage.

“I bet one of us ends up on the floor.” The Doctor smiled only to pull him even closer.

“Don’t crush me.” She mumbled.

“Don’t talk too much.”

The Doctor snorted. “I don’t talk!”

“Yes, you do, every single time!”

“No, I don’t!” The Doctor protested but the Master could see her corners of her mouth twitching. It was something she took through every regeneration – talking in her sleep. 

Afterwards an awkward silence lay between them and the Doctor had started to tremble again.

_Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?_

She shook her head, her face buried against his chest, only to mumble something else: “I don’t know.”

The moment she uttered it he could feel tears spilling and started to stroke her back. Right now, it didn’t even matter if she was lying.

_You don’t need to know, why. Just sleep._

Her trembling didn’t stop and carefully lifted a hand to her temple. The Doctor flinched at the touch but didn’t fight him.

_Is that alright?_

She only tightened her grip on his arm and the Master carefully slide trough the Doctor’s mind and nudged her consciousness until her eyes finally started to flutter.

He held her while she started to drift to sleep, still far too tense and wondered, if it would be easier just to push her into unconsciousness. Instead the Master showed the Doctor memories of the endless peaceful universe, sitting on the edge of his Tardis, feet dangling into nothingness. In the distance he could see the birth of a star.

The Doctor’s consciousness drifted into a dream of an endless universe, chasing the stars. He pulled away, still holding her while she started to mumble something to herself.

The Master wondered if he had ever been enough for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m far too nervous about this chapter… Please drop me any kind of feedback, I’m super nervous that I have screw it up…


	16. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a bit later than usual… let’s just say, me and that chapter… well, we’re probably not the best friends… but hey, hopefully it’s just me :) I hope you enjoy!

The Doctor woke up with a start only 33 minutes after she finally passed out because she could feel how the Master’s consciousness – snuggled against her own mind – started to slip away.

Semi-somnolent she tried to push the Cyberium away, but she was too tired to fight properly. The Master started to struggle, and both ended on the floor.

“Seriously?!” She hissed while she could feel the new bruises on her legs forming.

Groaning and annoyed – it had been such a nice dream – the Doctor slowly stood up. The Master laid at the other side of the bed, curled up and didn’t seem to move at all.

“Hello?!” She asked while rubbing her eyes – alright, still far too tired.

Slowly, he turned around, his unfocused eyes meeting hers before a smile appeared.

“Hello.” The Master answered cheerful. At least not another of his aggressive tantrums.

“What are you doing?”

He frowned, looking up to the bed.

“Don’t know.” He mumbled, another confused look towards her.

“Who are you?”

The Doctor opened her mouth to give him the same answer, _again_ , but the Master was faster, sitting up, staring at her in shock.

“You are Theta, aren’t you?”

“Jap.” She sighed.

“I’m guessing I can call you Koschei, right now?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m the Master, you know, but I don’t care.” Well, that was new. She looked at him in surprise.

“How much do you know?”

“How should I know? I believe I wouldn’t remember if I forgot something.”

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Still a swot, some things never change.”

“I think I like you.” The Doctor snorted but a look into the Master’s dull eyes told her, that he didn’t lie at all.

“I like you, too.” She said gently. “At least sometimes. You can be quite a genocidal asshole.”

All she got was a far too confused look and instead of laughing the Doctor had the terrible need to cry. She pushed the feeling away, sighing and sitting on the edge of the bed. She patted the space next to her and the Master took the place without any complains.

“I like you like that, Master. Why can’t you always be like that?”

He frowned, carefully reaching towards her face.

“You wouldn’t like me like that, all the time.” He mumbled while he stroked her cheek.

“I’m nothing but a memory.”

The Doctor turned around abruptly, she needed to see his eyes to know if this was another of the Master’s _stupid_ games, but her friend slowly started to fall towards her.

She screamed in frustration while he started to convulse weakly in her grip and she could to nothing but to hold him through the seizure.

The Doctor was crying and screaming unable to do anything in this dirty little room without her Tardis, without _anything_.

The Master started to cough, struggling in her grip, his eyes wide with fear while the Doctor couldn’t stop crying.

“You stupid, stupid idiot. Don’t do that!” She screamed. “Don’t you dare die on me. I need you!”

“Doctor.” The Master slurred, his hand clumsy reaching for her face. “Doctor. M’tired.”

She sank back to the bed, the Master tightly pressed to her chest, unable to stop the sobs escaping her.

“You’re dying. Do you hear me. You die.”

He only groaned, struggling weakly in her forceful embrace but the Doctor wouldn’t let go of him.

“You can’t _die_.” Another sob.

“Not because something that stupid as a little piece of stolen DNA. You aren’t that stupid. Koschei.”

But the Master was sleeping, and the Doctor was crying and raging an everything inside her told her to kick that useless excuse of a best friend and shake him until he would listen to her.

All she could do was scream and back away from him because the Doctor honestly couldn’t tell what she would do.

“Nope.” She panted hard, finally calming down. “I’m not watching while you kill yourself!”

His unconsciousness form didn’t do so much as twitch.

She would start to act _now_! She had waited long enough, even if she was forced to lock him up for the rest of time and force the Cyberium out of his head – the Doctor would do it. She wouldn’t watch while _her_ Koschei died in front of her.

The Doctor felt her body shake. Weird, why was she trembling? Probably the cold.

The Doctor knew that she was lying to herself but as genius as her brains worked, they were also brilliant in supressing anything that could hurt even if she knew it anyway.

She searched for her coat and pulled the handcuff out of one of the pockets.

It felt wrong to restrain an unconsciousness, sick man who – worst of all – used to be her best friend (was her best friend), but the Doctor did it anyway. She wouldn’t be responsible for another genocide. Besides – who was she fooling. Handcuffs had never stopped the Master before.

Nevertheless, her body wouldn’t stop shaking that much that she couldn’t close the handcuff. She needed five tries before the lock around his wrist latched in an another three to fasten the other side to the bed railing.

The trembling got worse. Why was her body not trying to adapt to the cold? She was a Time Lord, it was part of her biology. Another sob. No – she wasn’t she wasn’t born on Gallifrey.

“You idiot. Why?!” She screamed, her knees buckling. “Why couldn’t you lie for once. Why?”

A part of the Doctor was grateful for his unconsciousness, she wouldn’t be able to cope with the Master’s laugher.

She searched for something warm but her own coat was barely recognisable anymore, but the Doctor let her eyes wander around the dirty room only to spot the silly, exaggerated jacket of the Master. Another forceful tremble and she stumbled towards the purple material, shaking fingers caressing the piece of clothing that screamed ‘Master’.

It even smelled like him. Like him and… Gallifrey. Before she made up her mind the Doctor slipped into the oversized jacked that covered her like a hug.

The Doctor knew it was only a practically reason! She was cold, that was the only reason. Besides, her violent shudders started to die away. Couldn’t be too wrong then, could it?

She shook her head forcefully to get rid of these ridiculous thoughts – only to spot the Master.

“Sorry…” She whispered towards his unconsciousness form and fled the room. She couldn’t bare another thought of her best friend – dying.

The heavy material felt secure around her shoulders and the Doctor started to calm down eventually. Her feet carried her through streets she hadn’t entered for centuries.

The owner of the hotel – his business wasn’t in the slightest legal – gave her weird looks while she stumbled through entrance hall.

“Rough night?” He asked her while his long green ears flopped around his face.

“Night?”

The Doctor shrugged her shoulders. “You have no idea. Actually, I have a few ideas.”

She opened her mouth to tell him, but the owner merely pointed his finger towards the entrance.

“Turn right.” He grumbled.

“I know, been here before.” She explained cheerful. “I was searching for the stolen crown of the princess Leolopie and –”

The owner slammed the door shut.

“Rude.” The Doctor grumbled but made her way in the even more sleazy side streets.

Being around so many different people felt weird after she had been more or less isolated with the Master. Even with her mental walls up the Doctor could feel the humming of thousands of minds, sometimes thoughts made their way into her mind. Different time streams with so many possibilities started to fill her consciousness, ready to be altered and if she wanted to, the Doctor merely needed to _twist_ –

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” The man with the dirty hair stared at her in disgust while he blocked her way.

Intuitive the Doctor nudged the right stream and pushed his violent outburst in a never happening possibility.

“I’m sorry?” She asked, forcing herself to be the cheerful Doctor the universe needed.

The man looked up and down her body and the Doctor felt, despite her clothes, oddly exposed. He giggled – dark and cool – before he pointed at her small form.

“What do you think you are doing?” He asked again.

The Doctor snorted. “I’m the Doctor, by the way, who are you?”

The man didn’t even care to answer. “The Doctor, you say? That ridiculous hero, a Time Lord, even?” He snorted. “I’ve heard better lies.”

She sighed. “Never mind” and tried to push past him, but the stranger moved with her.

“Hey, hey, hey, little woman. Stop right there.”

“Little?” The Doctor hissed, forcing herself not to shove him away. Every moment longer meant less time for the Master.

“I believe you got lost, little woman.” He grinned darkly. “That’s not a place for someone like you?”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Really? Because I believe I need quite a few things behind that street. So please, step away.” 

“Please, yeah?” He chuckled.

The Doctor knew people like him. Always the same, always believing they were so much more in their empire of dust. Still, terrible annoying.

“I need some _things_.” She tried again, her voice calmer this time. He looked at her in amusement.

“Really, poppet?” He chuckled, his eyes wandered over her body. The Doctor felt exposed under his hungry eyes and pushed him away in a swift movement.

“Yes, _poppet_.” She hissed, somehow _angry_. Still, her voice stayed calm, almost sweet.  
This stupid alien was stealing valuable time. “You have no idea what I could do to you.” He chuckled again.

“Oh, I don’t know, _scream_? Like a _little_ _woman_.” She pushed him against the next house wall, enjoying his surprised look that turned far too fast into amusement.

“Alright, woman, what do you want.” He tried to turn her around, but the Doctor gave him another forceful push. He gasped for breath, eyes suddenly wide in shock. Nice to know her strength was still there.

A part of the Doctor hated herself for being everything but a good man, but if she started do think about know, she would need to accept, that a good man wouldn’t let the Master life.

“Don’t play games with me!”

“Oh, not in the slightest, Lord of time.” He chuckled again, obviously not taking her serious, but a part of the Doctor froze. It had been a long time since she had been called ‘Lord’.

 _“Lord Theta, look what I found.”_ Or even _“My dear Lord Doctor.”_

Lifetimes ago in a destroyed civilisation. And she was trying to save their murderer.

The alien started to grin again while the Doctor’s expression started to harden.

“Word of advice, let me pass _now_!” 

“Oh, of course.” He chuckled.

“It’s good we cleared that up.” The Doctor smiled coldly at him.

The man raised his arm, ready to push her to the ground, amusement in his eyes. But it was easy to sidestep his fist when he never succeeded in any possible future. Instead he hit the wall, yelping when his knuckles split open, his fingers breaking.

With another scream he lunged for her, but the Doctor gripped his neck in an almost bored movement and send the man to the ground.

“Idiot!” She grumbled, leaving his unmoving body. She hated people like him, always thinking they could succeed against a Time Lord.

“Never fight against someone who can control the time if you can’t.” She mumbled words her teacher Borusa had once told the class. They had laughed, because they all could do it. He had merely rolled his eyes and let them fight until they understood what it _really_ meant to control time. 

The Doctor had tried to explain it to one of her friends once (had it been Amy?), but all they had done was stare at her – possible him at this time – in confusion. (No, Amy would have had understood, brilliant Amelia Pond) “You change time?” They had asked in shock.

“No, I see every possibility and I choose. I can’t make something happen that was never meant to happen in the first place.” (Bill, it had been Bill. Or Mel?)

“So, you change time?” (She had had curls – possible)

The Doctor had grinned to hide her disappointment and had started to talk about the universe. (Had she smiled? Bill always used to smile)

The Doctor pushed the memory away, they were only _humans_ , unable to understand that the right nudging at the right timestream was the same as breathing to her.

No wonder she always longed for the Master, another Time Lord who saw the world like she did.

No, not another Time Lord – Koschei, the only person remotely like her. And he was dying.

She forcefully started to shake her head to come back to the present. Mourning long gone friends wouldn’t help the Master!

The Doctor disappeared into the crowded streets of Arnoc, forcing herself not to stop at everything interesting – and there was a lot in the endless streets – but to search for someone who could actually bring her the things she needed.

The next person she approached was a young boy with flopping purple ears and a grin on his face.

“Can I help you, Miss?” He asked politely. The Doctor groaned. “Don’t call me that?”

Nope, she would never get used to it. Not to mention that every try to make her sound special sounded ridiculous.

The boy stared at her, he could barely be old enough to even be alone on the streets on his own. But this was Arnoc and she wouldn’t wonder if he had nobody else or needed to work to keep his family alive. Probably a thief.

“I’m sorry, Miss.” The Doctor groaned.

“My name is John Smith.” That deep in the tangle of the streets it wouldn’t be wise to tell him her real name. She had no idea who was listening.

The boy frowned. “John?”

What was wrong with that name? She had always used it, maybe everyone did know by now? “Well, I’m a Doctor…”

“I haven’t met a doctor before!” His eyes started to sparkle. “What are you doing on a planet like Arnoc?”

“I got lost.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But I’m not going to stay here for long. Maybe you can help me.”

The boy smiled. “With pleasure, Miss. “

“– Please, don’t! What’s your name?”

“Me? I’m Leeoran” He was probably lying, it didn’t sound like a typical native Arnoc name, more of one of the many smugglers from of world.

“Alright, Leeoran, I need a biometric identification substance, and a lockable box.”

“I can get it.” The small boy smiled at her. “But the substance will cost you something.”

“Don’t worry.” She pulled out her sonic.

“Give me your payment reader, I’m going to charge it.”

Leeoran stared at her in confusion while he carefully laid the small device in front of them.

“How can your torch transfer money.”

The Doctor smiled. “Watch, Leeoran. It’s a sonic screwdriver!”

“That’s even more ridiculous!” He protested but she merely overrode the security protocols until the machine started to beep.

“But…” Leeoran’s eyes got wide. “That are millions of credits! That’s even enough to leave the planet!”

The Doctor smiled. “Well, I would say, go and see the stars.”

For the first time the boy looked like a proper child, beaming with joy while he started to rummage through the boxes in his rucksack.

“Do you need the biometric identification substance to leave the planet, too?” He asked her absently.

“No… why would I need it?”

“No offence, but most of my customers are criminals and since the Judoons arrived and confiscated that spaceship nobody without a proper ID can leave Arnoc.”

The Doctor froze. “Wait, did you say Judoon?!”

She didn’t expect them that fast. Now, she really needed to hurry up!

“Yes, arrived only a few hours ago but turned to whole system upside down. My boss is furious…” Leeoran lowered his gaze.

“Your boss…” The Doctor sighed. Of course, he was one of _those_ kids.

The boy gave her a big package and the Doctor took it with a smile and slide it in one of the Master’s transdimensional pockets. Leeoran’s eyes grew wide.

“Where did it go?!”

The Doctor laughed. “Bigger on the inside, of course.”

Another big smile. “Thank you, Leeoran.”

The boy nodded, still smiling while the Doctor started to walk away. Everything inside her screamed at her, to stop.

No, she couldn’t… not now. No! “Doctor no!” She mumbled, but she turned around, nevertheless.

“Leeoran?” His purple ears flopped in astonishment.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to leave Arnoc?”

“Or course I do, but my boss…” Even the money wouldn’t help that child to escape…

“Tomorrow evening, meet me at the square. I’m going to leave the planet, you could come…”

Leeoran stared at her. “But how?!”

“Don’t worry, tomorrow, if you want to…”

She left the speechless boy while she stormed towards the hotel.

 _Alright, good one Doctor…_ She groaned. That child wouldn’t help their problems.

Never mind that they needed to leave the planet without a spaceship and a planet occupied by the Judoon. She wouldn’t wonder if she even met them in the streets…

And still… it had felt weird to speak with someone else after all the things that had happened in the past days – honestly, it felt like weeks had passed.

With a pang of guilt, she realised that she hadn’t even thought about Yaz, Graham and Ryan since now. They probably thought she was dead…

Better for them, they were safe! Her fam, still alive, she couldn’t ask for more!

Oh, who was she fooling?! The Master was right, she was a hypocrite, saving her three friends only to lure a little child on to destruction.

Never mind that she would save him from that planet, she left all the other children who lived like him, too.

The Doctor pushed the thought away, Leeoran wasn’t important for the next few hours. Important was the fact, that she could feel Judoons behind the house block she passed. Alright, no time to lose!

She knew that she needed to act fast! She couldn’t pull a confused Master with her anymore, not knowing if he would lose it every moment and kill everyone in reach.

At least the Doctor had taken a decision, she would remove the Cyberium, _now_!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something different with the Doctor in this chapter, to show the way she sees the universe and that she’s actually an alien. No ideas if it worked, but I would love to hear your thoughts about it.


	17. Childhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter especially deals with the suicide thoughts. Please read with caution, if you’re likely to be triggered.  
> Honestly, this chapter is _dark_!

The Master could barely open his eyes. The world spun in front of him but closing them didn’t help either. The promised peaceful darkness held nothing but drums and a crying child with Theta’s eyes.

The Doctor wasn’t there but a part of the Master was grateful for her absence. Yes, she left him again, unable to free himself in a spinning world, but she mustn’t see him like that.

He knew he looked more than pathetic. Tears stained his face, he had vomited onto the floor and while the Cyberium must have tried to take control he ripped his already sore wrist open again.

The occasional seizures didn’t help, if anything only showed the Master, that he let himself be consumed by a fucking AI which tried to use his body as a vessel. By now every attack – he stopped fighting, didn’t want to fight – left not only his nose, but his ears bleeding, too.

The Master wondered what he would had thought about his current situation, back in the academy. His younger self, little Koschei, would have laughed at him because he stopped fighting. It would be so _easy_. His past wouldn’t understand, he feared nothing more than death. Death and losing Theta.

But the Master had already lost his Doctor and death started to seem like a peaceful alternative to the raging world with Theta as a goddess.

It was pathetic, him, the Master, dying because of something that _stupid_. He wished the Doctor would have been able to activate the death particle, freeing the universe of the burden of the Doctor and the Master forever. It would be a much more peaceful place.

The Cyberium twisted again, hissing at him to stand up and start fighting. But the Master was tired. He just wanted to sleep. No more fighting.

He only whished the Doctor would hold him until the end.

The Doctor stormed into the room, slamming the door while her eyes found the Master. All her joy was drained in seconds.

“Oh Rassilon, Koschei!”

She was with him in mere seconds, crawling onto the bed, carefully turning his face towards her.

“Koschei…” She whispered, shaking fingers caressing his bloodied hair.

He smiled, pale lips mouthing her name and she was kissing his face, his hair, his lips. The Doctor could taste vomit and blood and let go of him to run to the bathroom. The Master was whining when she backed away, but she was already moisturising a towel and filled a mug with cool water.

The Master was silently crying when she came back. She left the mug on the bedside table, shaking fingers using her sonic to unlock the handcuff.

The Doctor was horrified about the bloodied mess, that was left, his wrist was definitely broken.

“What have you done?”

She pulled his unmoving body in her arms, holding his head while she used the towel to clean his face.

“You are burning up!” She hissed. “Look at me!”

The Master was awake, but he did nothing to help her in the slightest while she reached for the mug and started to hold it to his dry lips. The water run down his face, he didn’t even swallow.

“Koschei, please!” The Doctor wondered when the Master had become Koschei in her head again. He was clearly aware of his surroundings but all she got from him were silent tears.

This time she managed to make him swallow a few gulps, but he started to cough only seconds later. The Doctor put the mug away, pulling him in a sitting position only to realise that the Master was laughing.

“Kill me. Kill me.” The Doctor froze, unable to say another word. But the Master didn’t stop, only repeating his words as well as a name she hadn’t heard in a long time. The Doctor’s real name, leaving the Master’s chapped lips while he begged her to die.

“Why?” The Doctor’s voice broke. “Why would you call me that, _now_?”

The Master was laughing again, his eyes finally opening. They were bloodshot and dull, the normal fire sparkling in them was gone.

“I believe it’s the only name that’s truly yours.” He whispered. “The name of your world, not influence by the Time Lords.”

“Stop that!” The Doctor realised, that she was crying.

“Every name I ever used was chosen by me and only me alone! You know that! That’s the only name I had no right to say anything, the only name that brings death and destruction!”

“It’s all my fault.” He whispered, barely audibly, not even listening to her. “So, kill me. Let me die. Go away.”

“When do you understand it, you stupid, stubborn idiot, I will _never_ leave you!”

A sad smile spread over the Master’s lips. “Do you want me to list all the times you did?” Again, he used that forgotten name that felt like a blow to the face.

“Beginning on Gallifrey. You have no idea how much I missed you. The anger came later. I only wanted my friend back. Always. But you always pushed me away!”

“No!”

But the Master only repeated his previous words, words that made no sense at all: “It’s all my fault.”

“What’s your fault?” A lot of things were the Master’s fault. But the point was, he never did anything to mean ill, he always thought his actions were right or had a deeper meaning. Even when he acted in blind rage, he always believed he was right!

“What’s your fault?” The Doctor repeated again, because the Master’s eyes had started to flutter shut with a silent groan.

“You.” He was crying again, and the Doctor felt a terrible emptiness inside her hearts.

“What about me?” She pulled him closer, both of them crying. “Koschei.”

“Your destiny. Your past. All the horrors. Timeless child.”

The Doctor flinched, barely not able to push him away. “Stop!” Her voice was louder than she wanted to, but the Master didn’t even laugh.

“Why? You always care for everyone until it’s you!”

“It’s not your fault. How can it be your fault?! You have nothing to do with it! You weren’t even _born_!”

She turned the Master around to properly look him in the eyes. His expression was empty. “But I’m a Gallifreyan.” He started silently.

“The last pure Gallifreyan. I’m the last one left to blame. So, kill me and have your peace.”

“I don’t understand.” The Doctor heard his words, but they made no sense. No sense at all. She didn’t want them to make any sense!

“That wasn’t _me_!” She hissed. “And even if it was, I can’t remember it! It doesn’t matter. I don’t even want to think about it. Do you hear me, Koschei? I don’t want to know. That’s not me!”

The Master used his uninjured hand pull her closer and the Doctor let him do it.

“You have no idea what they did to you, to a little _child_. I didn’t show you the terrible things they did to you –“

“Koschei, stop!”

“Do you think Tecteun treated her so called child respectfully after she discovered the potential?! No, she didn’t. She tortured them. She cut them open. Medically abused them in every possible way. And worst of all, killed them multiple times, every time worse than the time before.”

The Doctor only realised that she started to gasp for breath when the Master pulled her down. They were lying on the small bed, eyes fixed on each other and the Doctor’s world was spinning while Koschei hold her, talking and talking, ripping everything apart.

“Can you imagine the rage and pain, knowing that I only exist because of you? Because of all the pain and torture and abuse. Of a stolen childhood, multiple memory wipes and regressions into children.”

The Master was calm now, far too calm. “Because of a fucking long-term experiment. And worst of all, he runs into me, first day at the academy, showing everyone how special he his. Oh look, Theta Sigma, knowing _everything_. Promising me the stars but runs away because he’s the fucking timeless child.”

“Stop.” The Doctor’s voice broke. “Please, stop.”

“It’s not even his fault, how can he not _move on_ , with a past like that. Torture and abuse to build an empire which rejects him. And every breathing moment I need to life with the certainty, that I only exist because of you!”

The Doctor was staring at the Master who was actually _crying_. His body was dying and still he had the energy to tell her a story of a stranger who was supposed to be her.

“Kos…” At least breathing was easier again. “That’s not me.” She made him look her in the eyes.

“I ran, because I’m a coward.”

Now, she was crying, too. “Do you hear me, I’m a _coward_! I left you when you needed me the most, because I was afraid! Not because of anything noble you try to find, that’s not me. I’m a coward!”

The Master was giggling, now, dangerous close the border of his hysterical laugher.

“That’s not me. I don’t want that do be! I’m just the Doctor!”

He was laughing now, his exhausted, dying body shaking with every laugher escaping him. There was blood running out of his ears and nose, but he was stronger than the Cyberium. Because this time he _wanted_ to stay.

“You act, like something terrible happened to me in my childhood, but the truth is, it didn’t!”

The Doctor pulled them both in a sitting position, holding the Master’s shaking body.

“I had a wonderful childhood, well, you know what I mean. I had a stupid brother and a best friend I never deserved. And I left him.”

“Stop lying!” The Master managed between gasps for breath, his laughing barely recognisably, sounding more like he was suffocating. 

“I’m not lying! You tell me about the horrors they did to me, but truth be told, it wasn’t me. It was _you_! They put the drums in _your_ head. They could have done it to me. But it was you. They tortured you. You’re telling me _your_ story!”

The Master was still laughing, soundless while his respirator bypass system kicked in.

“Even if it happened to me, I can’t remember. And I don’t want to.”

“No!” The Master gasped, but the Doctor didn’t let him finish.

“It’s your reality of a broken life. Everything I did was out of pure vain.”

The Doctor looked at him. At the Master, her Koschei and his twisted realities that commanded him to die.

“Do me a favour and breath!”

His lips started to turn blue, but his body wouldn’t stop shaking. Without a second thought, her insides still somehow _cold_ , the Doctor pulled him closer and kissed him roughly.

The Master gasped for breath – finally – and started to struggle. The Doctor held him, foreheads pressed together, minds starting to tangle, while his dying body broke down into sobs.

_I’ve got you. I’m not leaving. I’m so sorry._ She whispered in his mind, but the Master didn’t listen.

“I stopped their experiment. Let me die and you’re free.”

“Never!” She screamed, both mentally and in the physical world.

“I’m going to remove the Cyberium. Next hour at that time, you’re free.” The Master started to laugh, while the Cyberium, obviously not happy about her words, forced his body in another seizure.

The Doctor guided him back into a lying position, holding him carefully until his eyes rolled back in place and she was sure that he was breathing again.

She felt empty, unable to think about the Master’s words. She didn’t _want_ to think about them. Everything he had said didn’t matter, not when her best friend just told her he wanted to _die_.

The Doctor’s shaking fingers started to line the small metal box with the biometric identification substance after she imprinted her living presence into it. She just hoped, that the Cyberium would mistake it with her.

The Doctor started to build a contrivance that would close her construct when she heard the loud bang of a body falling to the ground. She turned around in shock only to see the Master, lunging for her. A quick look into his eyes told her, that it was the Cyberium’s doing.

“No, you don’t!” She screamed, while he tried kicked the box away, pushing the Doctor to the ground. Her head hit the floor with a loud bang, and she wondered how his weak body had that much strength.

She seized at his leg and send him to the ground, too. They rolled around, while it seemed like the Master was actually trying to kill her. For once the AI in his head shared his interest – he didn’t want to let go of it, either.

It was an ugly fight.

The Master lunged for the Doctor’s neck while she kicked him between the legs. He howled, his grip coming loose, and she pushed him against the wall. His already sore head collided with the stone and he groaned. To her own horror, the Doctor only hit his head again.

The Master went limp and she caught him, hysterical laugher escaping her, because obviously, it was ridiculous to hold him while his head was bleeding again.

She hauled him onto the bed, cuffing his uninjured hand.

“I won’t let you die!” She hissed, but the Master only groaned. The Doctor covered him with the blanket, his head carefully laid onto the pillow and went back to work.

Nothing would stop her, now.


	18. Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for all your brilliant comments and everyone who left kudos! :)  
> Also, the warning of the last chapter still applies. Please, be careful!

He was floating into nothingness, everything screaming in pain, hearts painful stuttering. Drums and pain and that awful voice that wasn’t a voice at all. _Kill her. Kill her. Kill her. Kill her._

He could see her, the woman with the sad eyes, tinkering with something. He remembered her. He remembered her since she had been a little boy with the most beautiful smile and a confidence in his truth that helped him to not fall apart while nobody believed him – insane, insane, insane, insane.

She probably could feel his eyes fixed on her, turned around, giving him that smile of grief and lost.

“Everything is going to be alright. Promise.” She whispered, voice hoarse as if she had been crying.

She had told him the same millennials ago – again and again and again and again – _Everything is going to be alright._ Liar. You fucking liar, Theta Sigma. He had seen it in his eyes, back then, the day when his friend had stopped believing him. He had looked that tired. – _I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry_ – but empty words couldn’t help him back then. Nor could they now.

Empty words couldn’t stop the pain and the sorrow. Not the anger.

He had left, in secret, an old man with so much regret. _Come with me_ – he had whispered, but he hadn’t been able to look at him, in eyes which thought he was – _crazy, Koschei, you’re crazy_ – he had begged him to stay. Silently and yet screaming in agony – _Theta, don’t!_ – as always, he hadn’t heard him.

“Everything is going to be alright.” She repeated again, lying as always. Nothing would ever be alright. But _ever_ wouldn’t be for much longer.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

The Master couldn’t tell if it was the drums, his own hearts or the Doctor’s. The point was it didn’t matter. He was lying on his back, fighting his way back through the fog in his brain. The Cyberium was rummaging through his past, digging up memories the Master had never wanted to revisit again.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

Theta, Theta, Theta, Theta. His best friend. Leaving. Oh, he had screamed. So much pain. So much betrayal. So much _anger_.

The anger never left.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

“Doctor!” he tried to scream but it sounded more like a whining.

Nevertheless, she was at his sides only seconds later. She looked at him, fear in her eyes. And yet, she tried to smile. 

“Doctor…” He repeated, his voice was barely above a whisper. “Why am I handcuffed?”

“What do you think?”

Instead of an answer he tried to push himself into a seated position only to lean on his broken wrist. With a supressed hiss of pain, he sank down again.

The Doctor reached for him, carefully propped him up while her mind was subconsciously showing him what she saw. It was strange to look through her eyes only to see himself – he looked ill and the effort to push himself into a seated position left him utterly pale.

The Master pushed the images away and sealed his mental walls.

“Do you know what’s happening?” She asked quietly but the Master only laughed.

“Oh, stop that!” She said in annoyance but as always, he didn’t listen. Not until the Cyberium twisted inside his mind and the world shifted and the Master was lost in darkness.  
He forced his eyes open, only to be hit with the realisation, that he actually had lost consciousness. Merely 15 seconds, if he could still trust his time sense, but the Doctor was already busy supporting his body, bloodied towels in her hands.

All he managed was a low chuckle.

Even in her distress, dark rings rimming her eyes, exhaustion clearly obvious – she looked beautiful. “Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor.” The Master giggled, oh, his head. His head, it _hurt_.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

She turned towards him, old eyes in a youthful face. “You know what’s happening, do you?”

The Master grinned but it ended in a grimace. Somehow, he was suddenly very, very sad.  
“Of course, love. I have always been the clever one…” He mumbled.

“Yes, you are. Always…”

“Don’t worry, two days longer, maybe three and you will never have to deal with me. Finally, the brilliant Timeless child can move on from the annoying clingy person which won’t leave her alone.”

“Master!”

“The Cyberium is destroying my brain while trying to use me. I’m fighting – don’t worry, just enough to lose – and it’s trying, too. Bang.” He pulled on the handcuff and the Doctor actually flinched.

“Intracranial pressure builds up, my brain can’t cope with it for long – death. Well regeneration, but we both know I’m good with refusing.”

The Doctor’s knees buckled all at sudden, her face pale but emotionless. Silently, her head rested on the edge of the bed, she was still, only her body moved with every shallow breath.

“Goal reached, Doctor.” He whispered, stroking her hair never mind as much as it hurt his broken wrist.

“Why. Is this. About _me_?!” The Doctor laughed coldly into the mattress.

"Because, really? About me? Like you destroyed Gallifrey because you couldn't bear the thought, they exist because of me?" Her voice started to get louder. "It that the reason? You want to _die_ because you lost your destiny, because of me? Seriously, Master, that's low, even for you."

The Master shook his head, stupid Theta, stupid, stupid Theta.

“You never listen, do you. You only hear _your_ truth. They hurt you, they hurt you so much. They tortured you as a child. They needed to pay, they deserved it!"

She lifted her head, looking at him with puffy, but dry, eyes. “Yes, you said that before. But that’s stupid! That wasn’t _me_!”

“Yes, it was!”

“I don’t care! You’re not listening!”

The Master smiled sadly. “Yes, I do.” He remembered her words, her love towards him, her _kindness_. Even the truth in her words. But he lost the right to deserve it long ago.

“Then why don’t you listen!”

“I love you.” He whispered, a universally known truth but the Doctor still stared at him.

“They hurt you so much. It’s my fault. _Please_ , just let me die.”

She turned around without another word, disappearing in the small bathroom while the Master chuckled, tears running down his cheeks.

Because Theta was running, always running. Even if he begged him to stay – _“Please.” The man, crouched in front of him begged, but Koschei refused to hold Theta’s gaze. His friend looked old, far to old for his age, marked by all the horrors that destroyed his life._

_“Koschei, do you hear me, I’m leaving, I’m finally leaving!” Liar, liar, liar, liar! Theta’s words sounded muffled through the banging of the drums, worse than usual. Theta reminded him of the broken promises, of the terrible betrayal._

_“Koschei, please, talk to me, at least look at me.” But all he did was to stare right through his former best friend, lover – everything._

_“You can come with me, we can start again. Please.” Liar, liar, liar, liar. As if he would change now. Theta, the liar, who claimed to understand him and yet, couldn’t get what Koschei was trying to say to him._

_“Tomorrow, Kos, please. I don’t want to go without you.”_

_He tried to touch him, but Koschei backed away, clutching the pillow next to him, rocking with the rhythm of the drums._

_“Kos.” He heard muffled trough the noise. “Please, let me help.” 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4._

_He could feel the room vibrating with new words, but Koschei forced himself to look away, to not look at his friend – the man who betrayed him – to ignore his words. Theta didn’t care for him. Never had._

_And yet a part of him was screaming – Theta, please stay._ Theta, why did you leave me?! – the Master howled. But whether in the past nor in the future the Doctor didn’t hear him.

_He pressed a kiss on Koschei’s hollow cheek, caressing his hair and left. Left forever._

_Koschei never saw Theta again. The next time he met his friend, he was the Doctor and Koschei was long gone too, irreparable destroyed, rotten to the core without a cure. All that was left was hatred._

_Hatred and that stupid desire for a long-lost friendship._

When the Master’s last body had died, his thoughts – _her_ thoughts – had turned to the Doctor. She had asked herself, why it took the Doctor so long to find her. “ _Doctor”_ – Missy had groaned, her last words in a paralysed body, killed by himself.

The Doctor hadn’t come even if all the Master had whished for, was her friend to hold her until her hearts stop. Missy had been angry while she died. Angry, because her friend left her – after over 70 years of being locked up.

He woke up in a new body, without the Doctor on a spaceship hovering over a black hole. The Master had feared the Doctor might be dead – _Doctor, where are you. Doctor!_ – but all he had done, was to run away. Again.

The betrayal had hurt more the Master had thought it would. He had died for the Doctor, and still – running, always running.

After he had discovered the terrible truth of a terrified child with the eyes of his Doctor, he had started to understand.

And the world fell apart.

“No, go away!” He whispered, pushing against the angry AI which pulsated under his skin in silver streaks.

The Doctor was still hiding in the little room where he kissed her only a few hours ago. That woman, she was astonishing. What a pity he would never touch her like that again.

The Master could see her chaotic construct, he knew, what it was, he knew what she planned to do – somehow, he couldn’t care less.

He worked himself up into a sitting position, admiring the Cyberium dancing across his skin.

“What a pity we couldn’t meet under better circumstances.” He mumbled, leaning against the bed railing. “We would have been an incredibly team.” A little laugher escaped him.

As if she heard him the Doctor ran towards him, messy hair, dark eyes.

“I’m not little, am I?”

The Master stared at her, at her tired form, her aged written across face. She wasn’t serious, was she?

“Do you want an honest answer?”

“Oh stop!” She was _giggling_ – the Master raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you used to be taller!”

“Oh stop, don’t you dare!” She looked at him, honest confusion in her eyes.

The Master was grinning widely.

“I mean, you must have realised by now, that you have shrunk.”

“Oh stop, I’m taller than you are!”

“No, you aren’t! Finally!”

Somehow there they were again. Two friends – Theta and Koschei – giggling and laughing while none of them felt like it at all.

“I love you, too, you know.” The Doctor mumbled, barely audible but the Master shook his head.

“No, you don’t.

“Yes, I do. And that’s why I won’t watch how you kill yourself! If you don’t let go of the Cyberium I’m going to die with you. Right here, right now!”

The Master felt like he would laugh every moment again, her words simply _wrong_ in the mouth of the almighty goddess, born in another dimension.

“Why?” He asked instead of laughing, transfixing her gaze.

“Because I see no sense in life without Koschei of Oakdown!” The Doctor whispered and something inside the Master’s stomach _dropped_.

“Please!” She aspirated but all the Master could do was shake his head.

“Alright.”

To his astonishment she unlocked the handcuff. Her gaze was fixed on him, eyes clearly wet.

“Then, I’m sorry. But I won’t watch while you _die_.”

She pressed him to the bed, all at sudden laying onto him, forehead pressed to his, fingers grapping his temples.

“No!” He howled, trying to push her away but the Doctor was fast. Fast and more aggressive than he had ever witnessed her. She shoved into his already injured mind, not responding to his pained screams and just _pushed_.

His walls faltered far too soon – too damaged and too well known by the Doctor but she didn’t stop. The Cyberium hissed at her, attacking the Doctor’s mind while she pushed it away, fighting deeper into his mind while the Master howled in agony.

All she did was trying to get as deep as possible the fast she could manage. The Doctor didn’t care for the chaos she left in his mind, new opportunities for the Cyberium to attack him even more.

This time he could even feel how his body moved without his consent, hands gripping the Doctor’s fragile neck, squeezing. The Doctor gasped for breath, the Master’s broken wrist screamed in agony and yet none of them stopped while the Cyberium ordered them around. 

It felt like an absurd dance, bodies moving on top of each other, rolling across the bed, tangling with the bedsheets, pillow thrown to the floor. And yet, while their bodies moved in terrible beauty, their minds where tangled together, fighting.

Even though the Master pushed against the Doctor and wiggled around the Cyberium he didn’t really defended himself. He let himself get shoved around, while the two intruding minds attacked his very existence. Memories, buried emotions – everything was pouring inside his head – _too much, too much, too much, too much –_ and the Master screamed in the real physical world while his broken self hide even deeper inside his mind.

He pulled up all his remaining walls, hiding in eye of the storm, watching like through fog how his mind shattered around him. It was easy to ignore the pain. Somehow it felt even peaceful.

In the physical world their bodies stopped fighting each other, just lay in snuggled into each other, foreheads pressed together. The Cyberium decided to take control of the Master’s remaining mind, but that deep down, hidden in the memory of a past, he couldn’t care less for it’s actions.

It didn’t take the Doctor long to find him. They used to explore each other’s minds all the time, back in the academy, back in a time where a joined future was possible.

The Master was sitting between the blades of grass where, staring at the cloudless sky where two suns started to go down. In his mind, Gallifrey was perfect, because the fields held a promised friendship and two boys who truly loved each other.

Theta had kissed Koschei, right here, when the fields where more but a memory in the Master’s world wasn’t breaking apart. Theta had always found him.

Theta found him again.

The Doctor just started to take form in front of him, her eyes – somehow more hazel than green right now – were full of so many emotions while she looked at him.

“Koschei.” She whispered, while her physical body pressed him down while he was bleeding onto the bed.

“Doctor.” She looked sad, empty, and still, right here, right now in the memory of an innocent childhood and the memory two boys who promised eternity to each other, he reached for her.

_Doctor. Theta._

His words flooded towards his mind, filled him with forgotten experiences while the Cyberium hissed in anger. But the Doctor pushed it away, crouching in front of him and the Master was still reaching his hands towards him.

This time, she took his hands, her fingers shaking and he wondered why.

Her body started to flicker, her face jumping between all her past selves. Theta stared at him, eyes wide with fear and the Master pressed his hand even tighter.

The young man shook his head, eyes old and full of regret. The Master would bet that his body was changing too, jumping between his past faces like the Doctor did, right in front of him. And still, she always returned to the image of _his_ Theta, a young man with so much hope for the future.

The Master couldn’t help but wonder, why her previous faces wouldn’t show up. She had lived so many times before, so many stories to be told.

“Please, don’t leave me.” Theta whispered, eyes begging him silently, too.

The Master knew what she was doing (or probably wasn’t doing, the Doctor never cared about her appearance), but yet, it was working. Theta looked at him, with eyes, to old for his youthful face. That boy in front of him, wasn’t his childhood friend but the Doctor, manipulating him.

She didn’t know she was doing it and he didn’t care. Didn’t want to care.

The Master couldn’t help but pull the Doctor closer. She stumbled, pushing them both accidently to the ground, holding each other in their embrace.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” She whispered but the Master only shook his head.

“Doctor, stop!” Her body’s appearance was jumping again, that fast that he couldn’t take hold of the images for long. Pinstripe’s sad eyes starred at him – _Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate! Come on._

“Please, stop lying!” She was shaking her head, curly hair flopping around.

“I can’t life without you…” Again, Theta, not older than 100 (lie, lie, lie, lie) smiled at him. But it was that sort of smile the Doctor gave her pets, when she knew she ruined everything.

“I’m so tired, Kos.” She closed her eyes and the Master pulled her tighter, mentally and physically, while she pulled her arms around him.

“That’s not how we are supposed to end…” The Doctor whispered, kissing his forehead.

“You won’t end you’re the timeless child.”

“I don’t think that the timeless child would be able to survive a supernova, never mind the endless regenerations.”

The Master flinched, staring at her broken form in shook. “You would suffer forever! Dying again and again and –” He stopped himself. “You don’t now what would happen.” 

The Doctor shrugged her shoulders. “I’m going to suffer anyway, without you. Did it before, I thought you dead a few times, I can’t to it again! Never again!”

“Liar!” He whispered, even through he could feel the truth in her words. He didn’t want to see it.

“Don’t leave me…” She whispered and suddenly the Master knew, what he had to do.

It was too late for her stupid plan, anyway, he planned it accurately, but he wouldn’t let her know. She would get her peace somehow.

“Alright, you win.” He whispered, snuggling against her.

His end was coming but the Doctor hasn’t realised yet. She wouldn’t until it was to late.

The Master felt tears slide down his cheeks, because for once the Doctor bent for his wishes. She held him until the end.

“Kos, wake up. Koschei!”

The Master groaned, forcing is eyes open. The surroundings seemed familiar. He sat up abruptly, staring at the room he had shared with Theta millennia ago, back in the Academy.

“Koschei.”

The Master flinched, turned around only to nearly bump his head against Theta. The boy was smiling widely, eyes full of joy and innocence. He wasn’t more than a child.

“Go away, you’re not real…” He whispered, but Theta sat down next to him.

“And you are dying.”

The Master laughed darkly, watching the confused expression of the memory construct with the face of his childhood friend. That was his mind, showing him what he needed to see.

And yet, he felt empty. Because, it wasn’t real.

“You’re not real.” He whispered again, reaching for Theta and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You’re not real.”

His friend snuggled against him, taking the Master’s hand into his own.

“I’m not.” He whispered regretfully. “But my future is real. And she needs you.”

“Liar.” The Master started to laugh again. “You’re always lying.”

“I’m just what you want me to be, Kos. I’m not real.”

“Oh, shut up, Thete… where are we?”

His friend moved into his arms until he could look him in the eyes. It felt false to see the Doctor like that – young, happy, innocent.

“Deep inside your mind, so deep, that my future will never be able to find you. Your body’s failing. Can’t you feel it?”

Yes, the Master could feel it. The stuttering of his hearts, his wheezing breath while his lung where close to collapsing, his convulsing brain – he had minutes.

“That wasn’t nice, you know. To trick her like that. She really, really thought, she would save you. She never wanted to hurt you, like she did, she thought, it was the only way to keep you alive. But all the time you had just waited for her to attack your mind, because you knew it would finally trigger the intracranial pressure to reach a point, where your body can’t cope with it without medical assistance. You’re dying.”

The Master laughed darkly. “Clever Thetey.” He mocked, but his friend just looked sad.

“She has probably realised by now and there’s nothing she can do for you without her Tardis.”

“It’s better for her.”

“No, it’s not, Kos.”

“Shut up, stop lecturing me!” The Master hissed at the memory construct of Theta.

“I’m _you_ , I’m _your_ mind. I’m only telling you, what you want to hear.”

“That’s not what I want to hear!” He hissed, nearly pushing Theta away. But he couldn’t bare the loneliness right now.

“They hurt you. Endless times. They hurt you so much.”

“I know, Koschei. But that’s not what she thinks.”

“I don’t care.”

Theta pulled him closer, pressing his face into the Master’s neck. “Don’t leave me. Koschei. Please.”

“It’s to late. You know it’s to late. Can’t you feel it. Even the Cyberium know. It’s to late.”

“Don’t leave me!” Theta howled but the Master forced his mind to catapult him out of this mind construct, away of from Theta who wasn’t real, far away just away –

_Master!_

The Doctor was screaming inside his mind and without the protection shields (the memory of Theta) the Master could feel how hie whole body was failing.

The Doctor was screaming everywhere. Her mind howled in agony while her body just screamed.

“Doctor…” He mumbled, pulling her mental presence close to him. His vision, even inside his mind, under his control, started to darken around the edges.

“Doctor… Theta.”

She reached him when his body collapsed, his mind unable to contain the lie of alright but the Doctor was there to catch him.

“Oh Rassilon, Koschei!” She was sobbing hard. The Master knew that his physical body stopped working at all. He wasn’t breathing anymore and his hearts stuttered with every beat.

“I love you.” His lips mouthed but he couldn’t even see the Doctor’s face anymore.

“Not your fault, love.” He managed. It was hard to think now, his head hurt terrible, every thought felt like his mind was clouded with viscous honey.

She was talking to him, but he couldn’t process her words anymore.

The somehow by now almost familiar press of the Cyberium started to disappear, leaving his convulsing body, while a woman screamed far away.

He didn’t understand anymore. Then, his hearts stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry :(  
> I try my best to upload faster, this time, but no promises…
> 
> I’m not too convinced with that chapter, I feel like I couldn’t give them the justice they deserved in this situation... I would love to hear your thoughts.


	19. Betrayal

The Doctor couldn’t remember when she last felt that guilty. She knew it was wrong and yet nothing stopped her to hold the Master down and push into his mind.

He screamed in obvious agony and the Doctor felt like crying but she couldn’t stop. She just couldn’t stop, not when her brutal action could save his life.

She knew how much chaos she left during her attack, she knew he was in terrible pain but it didn’t stop her. The Cyberium attacked her more brutal then ever before, but it couldn’t cope with the Doctor’s anger.

This _thing_ was killing her friend, she had no mercy!

She pushed it away, screaming in anger and searching for the Master. She needed to give him one finale chance, she owed him that much.

And maybe, this time… stupid hopes, but she wouldn’t stop hoping until there was a tiny spark of hope.

She found him, pulled him in her arms, knowing, what she was about to do and yet, she tried to convince him otherwise. Her intrusion had already left chaos inside his mind and she didn’t want to create more damage. But she would do it, she would force the Cyberium out of his head, force his mind to believe he was dying. The Doctor would do it!

But she was so tired. And Koschei looked at her with so much pain in the eyes, his body changing all the time, showing her the past, all the mistakes she made. She must be a terrible best friend.

So tired. So, so tired.

“Please, don’t leave me” She whispered, broken and alone. She didn’t want to hurt her friend even more. But she would, she would… The Doctor would hurt him, or she would die.

She couldn’t go on like that anymore. The Master stared at her in shock, his physical body limp under her own and his lips moved slowly.

“Alright, you win”

It was wrong to hear this words and yet she couldn’t help but smile. She wouldn’t lose Koschei.

The smile died away, when she saw the regret in his eyes. That was the moment the Doctor realised her mistake.

Because it had been her _stupid_ attack that pushed his damaged brain over the edge. He was dying because of her.

“No!” The Doctor yelled, but the Master started to disappear in front of her. His physical body convulsed violently and this time she could actually feel how it was failing.

It felt worse than everything else the Master had done to her before, because this time it was her fault and the Doctor couldn’t see a way out of that situation.

She started to scream for him, not caring for anything, not caring, that the Cyberium actually started to lose it’s grip.

 _Master!_ Her mind howled but it was the Master who found her. “Doctor… Theta.”

She caught him when his mental body wasn’t able to support his non-existing weight anymore. His brain was failing, he couldn’t hold himself together anymore.

His lips moved but the Doctor wasn’t able to hold the focus, he was dying and she couldn’t see a way out of it.

“Not your fault, love.” He rasped and all the Doctor did was to beg him, not to leave her.

“Don’t leave me _, please_!” She knew that it was useless, he wasn’t in control anymore.

The Cyberium knew it, too, finally leaving his battered body. The Doctor could feel it nudging on her mental walls, but her anger pushed the swirling AI far away. A silent bang – far away, far away, let her know, her construct worked.

She didn’t care. It didn’t matter, not when the Master’s mind was falling apart, unable to support the mental realm anymore. It was almost peaceful how she was shoved away, gasping for breath, tears and blood all over her face and the Doctor opened her eyes.

She was lying on top of the Master, his eyes were only half closed but he wasn’t breathing.

“NO!” She screamed, pulling the not responding body up. “Don’t, please! Don’t leave me!”

The last strand of the Master’s consciousness flooded away, almost peaceful but the Doctor just screamed and screamed while his hearts stopped.

The Doctor had no idea how long she held Koschei’s body pressed to her own. It couldn’t be long, only seconds, at most mere minutes and yet she was sobbing like she had done, centuries ago, on the Valiant.

The terrible feeling of _betrayal_ filled her whole body, pushed away the pain and grieve and guilt and self-hatred, left nothing but the knowledge, that her best friend last action had been to betray her _again_.

The Doctor screamed in anger, her whole body charged with all the pain of millennia, prickling and burning and she could feel the regeneration energy creeping under her skin, filling every part of body, healing her wounds as it left her glowing like a golden torch, burning and screaming.

She pulled Koschei even closer while everything _hurt_ , but his head kept lolling to the sides while he started to burn together with her.

Two friends, joined in the fire of a kidnapped child, destined to ruin their lives. It was only then that the Doctor realised what she was doing.

The Master jerked in her arms, gasping for breath, clinging to her, eyes wide with fear.

“No, don’t!” He retched, convulsing in her grip.

“Doctor, stop, _please_.”

But she wouldn’t stop, she would never ever stop, never ever listen to his lies. All she would do was save her friend.

The Master opened his mouth, lips forming a cursed name, eyes pleading her to _stop_ but she forced her lips on his and held him tightly, even though he was too weak to struggle.

The Doctor knew, what she was doing, and even though she wasn’t thinking straight, she knew a regeneration was worth the price of her friend’s life.

She could feel it now, the terrible burning and aching, the feeling that her body would be ripped apart every moment. No way of stopping it. Tears ran down her face, because the Doctor really liked that body and had not enough time to explore everything.

_I don’t want to go._

But it was worth the price, she would regenerate a million times if she could save the Master’s life just _once_.

She pushed him away, falling to the ground but the Doctor barely felt the pain, her body back to were it started, new and unused just to get ripped apart every second.

She howled in frustration before the pain consumed her and she burst out in golden flames.

A gasped for breath in lungs that didn’t work anymore and then she started to scream because it was only the Master, only her friend, he understood the pain, he wouldn’t be upset.

The Doctor could feel how her body was set to zero, every wound vanished but there was too much regeneration energy left, she couldn’t stop it anymore, she couldn’t –

But she could feel the Master’s consciousness and the Cyberium was safely contained in the box. Everything was alright. A new face wouldn’t change that.

Wait.

The box.

The box lined with the biometric identification substance, imprinted with her living presence.

The Doctor started to laugh in joy.

The Doctor burst out in regeneration energy while the Master barely had time to get hold of the whole situation.

He was still gasping for breath, barely able to understand _what was happening_?! But of course, the Doctor – sanctimonious hero as always – wouldn’t let him die. Why couldn’t she stop just for once, to decide, what was best for everyone else?!

Why? 

The Master would scream at her in anger, if he would have the energy, his body still exhausted from the sudden burst of regeneration energy. Of course, it triggered her body to regenerate as well. He stared at her, somehow blinking tears away, because even though she had endless regenerations, his stupid, meaningless life wasn’t worth a single one.

Not, when she was forced to endure so much pain.

As if she heard his thoughts – definitely not, she was far too distracted – her screams changed to laugher before her whole body bend towards the little box in the corner of the room and streamed away from the Doctor, swirling around and into the Cyberium’s prison until it just stopped.

She gasped for breath, her eyes swirling around the box and the Master before her gaze found his face. She smiled wide.

“Told you, Kos. You’re not dying.”

“Doctor…” She started to stagger.

“You know what, who needs a spare hand, biometric substance is all I ask for!” She giggled in joy before her whole body went down at once.

“Fuck, Doctor!”

He rolled from the bed, sprinting to her, barely realising that all the pain was gone. She lay crumbled at the ground, her hair covered her face like a curtain.

“Doctor!”

He was shaking her roughly, but she didn’t even twitch. Still, even in her unconsciousness she was _smiling._

“You lovesick idiot, Theta!” He growled and for a moment the Master considered to open that damned box that held the Cyberium prisoner and absorb it again. But that would be not better than the behaviour of a tantrum throwing child (not that he hadn’t done it lots of times before).

Instead he pulled her petite body in his arms, stumbling while he carried her to the bed. She almost weighted nothing, it was terrifying how everything that happened left her that broken. Even though that was what he wanted – it felt _wrong_.

He reached the bed and carefully laid her down, before he collapsed next to her. Even though the Doctor’s outburst of regeneration energy had reset both their bodies to the flawless appearance they had regenerated into, their mind battle left them exhausted.

The Master could barely hold his eyes open anymore and the Doctor was still unconsciousness.

“You stupid, stupid idiot!”

Suddenly the Master was crying. He couldn’t tell why anymore, his mind was blank, but he felt lonely and robbed of every purpose in existence.

“Born to rule.” He giggled. “Born to be monsters.”

His giggling got worse, changed to laugher until the Master wasn’t sure anymore, if he was sobbing or laughing.

The Doctor groaned into his chest, snuggling against him, intuitive trying to calm him down but everything was too much right now.

“You just… you just –“ He gasped for breath.

“Theta.” She groaned again, but the Master could feel how her mind started to wake up again.

“Kos.” She slurred, heavy eyelids fixed on him. Even the regeneration energy couldn’t give her the much-needed sleep.

“You just –“ The Master laughed even more.

“Two regenerations, Doctor, thrown away for _nothing_.” It was hard to get the words out coherent.

“And you even have the vanity to keep your body after you triggered _two_ fucking regenerations!”

“I would do it again. For you.”

The Master screamed in anger and pain, the need to laugh gone at once.

“You fucking liar!”

He pressed her to the bed, hands on her even unmarked neck.

“I could kill you, right now, _again_. Would you like that, Doctor.”

She gasped for breath, her small hands gripping his wrists, but she was still glaring at him in defiance.

“Go on, _Master_.” And somehow the way she said his name sounded like a mockery.

The Master screamed again, finger’s digging into her skin while he pressed tighter. She opened her mouth in an attempt to draw a breath in, but he had cut of her respiration. The Doctor’s eyes started to roll, but the defiance wouldn’t leave her gaze.

Her respiration bypass system kicked in while the Doctor’s finger moved over his arms, to his shoulders only to slide up his neck and reach his face. The Master knew, what she was doing but he couldn’t find the strength to fight her.

Her fingers felt that gently, caressing him as if she actually cared for him, even though she just poked into his brain again.

The Master let out a whining while she slid through his mind and carefully pushed him to sleep.

He slumped onto her fragile body, her hearts pounding loudly, her finger’s carefully touching his face.

“I am so sorry.” He could hear her croak before the darkness took him again.


	20. Pet

The Doctor was still drawing deep breaths in, the Master’s body had slumped on top of her. One of her hands was wrapped around his back, her other fingers moved through his hair. His weight gave her the feeling of security even though she knew, it was nothing but another lie.

“I’m so sorry.” She rasped again and again. “So sorry. I’m sorry.”

She laid there, unmoving for at least an hour. The Doctor couldn’t be too sure, her time sense seemed to be completely bonkers at the moment. Well, she just regenerated.

A hysterical giggled escaped her and the Doctor pressed a hand on her mouth in shock.

“Alright, alright.”

She gently rolled the Master onto his back and arranged his twisted arms until he looked at least a little bit comfortable. She could still see the tear streaks on his face and remembered the heart-breaking sobs that had pulled her out of unconsciousness.

Even in his sleep he looked broken and the Doctor couldn’t help but brush the remaining tears away.

“No need to cry.” She mumbled, even though she could burst out in tears herself every second now.

Instead of crying she felt a terrible nausea and before she could think about it she needed to turn away only to vomit onto the floor.

The Doctor stared at the mess in shock, somehow relieved that the Master hadn’t seen it. What would he say to her, after she just fell apart while she clearly had no reason at all.

Well, I would most certainly laugh at her.

And the Doctor would only smile because that was so him. He was so _alive_!

Even though she just acted like a selfish idiot and _hurt him_ so much that it had killed him. Stupid, stupid Doctor.

For a moment she could understand the Master’s urge to bang his head against the wall, she would do everything to stop the terrible feeling swelling inside her chest.

_Selfish bastard, Doctor_ – Worst of all, it wasn’t the Master’s voice but her own. _You tortured him to death with the stupid excuse that you would save his live._

“No, shut up!” The Doctor howled, pushing her terrible thoughts away.

“I was only saving you!”

But the Master was still sleeping and all the terrible feeling of guilt started to contract her chest and everything was spinning and everything was her fault. All her fault.

The Doctor vomited for the second time.

“I am sorry!” She retched. “I should have realised earlier, I’m so sorry.”

She buried her face into the Master’s chest.

“I’m sorry…” She whispered again.

“I know, I should have realised on Gallifrey, I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

If she just had pulled him into the next Tardis before he even had a change to find the Cyberium everything would be alright – well at least better. She would have been able to take care of him before he had this terrible idea of _dying_.

She would still be the Doctor, not the fucking timeless child – and again, selfish, selfish Doctor.

She laughed coldly. Selfish, selfish, Doctor, doesn’t even care for her friend.

The Doctor barely manged to turn around before she vomited again. She hadn’t eaten for a while now and was only retching bile, but the tears in her eyes were even worse.

Her thoughts started a roller coaster and she couldn’t hold herself together, trembling like it was her who just died. (Well, she had died, too… but selfish, again)

The Doctor rolled out of bed, still trembling terribly and started to clean up the mess she just made. It took her a while, the tap with barely a drop of water and her trembling hands didn’t help either but somehow it started to calm down her thoughts.

Yes, she acted against his wishes but the Master wanted to _die_. That wasn’t a wish she would grant him _ever_. She wouldn’t watch while her best friend killed himself, never mind if her actions were selfish, too.

Suddenly it felt as if the realisation just hit her. _The Master wanted to die_. Her already shaking legs gave out and she slumped to the floor, crying as if her whole world was falling apart. And it was.

How could she – not even sure how to cope with her own feelings – help someone with obviously suicidal thoughts?! 

Before her mind started to completely lose herself in the thoughts a low whining caught her attention.

The Doctor stumbled to her feet only to see the Master captured in a nightmare. As if he felt her presence the whining got louder, and he actually started to scream.

“Koschei, Koschei!” She was next to him taking his hand, holding tightly. 

But the Master was threshing in his sleep, nearly falling out of the small bed, but the Doctor gripped before he could slip over the edge.

“I’ve got you. It’s alright. I’m here.”

For a moment the Doctor considered to dive into his mind but felt ashamed the moment the thought crossed her mind. She just hurt him terrible in her stupid attempt to save him. She wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again.

Instead she projected calming waves, hoping that his walls were low enough to feel her.

Fortunately, it worked. The Master’s screams and whining disappeared and left nothing but occasional sobs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

The trembling was back and before her legs could do something as stupid as to refuse working again, she crawled next to her friend and snuggled into his body. Her head was pressed onto his chest and she started to count his heartbeats.

It was calming and the Doctor actually felt her eyes drifting close while the Master clearly calmed down, too. He even gripped her hand tighter – still asleep, but also searching her comfort.

Her mind started to drift away, and it took all the Doctors will power to keep her walls high enough to not send the Master her dreams. It was hard, it was a long time since she had snuggled next to the Master while both of them were asleep. She was clearly out of practise.

Eventually the Doctor started to drift away anyway.

She dreamed of countless young faces, staring at her, pleading eyes, innocent looks – but still they pointed at Theta, playing in the mud, laughing because he was not really their childhood.

She had never hated a child that much. 

The Doctor jolted up before she even managed to fall asleep properly. She was panting hard, tightly gripping the Master’s sleeve while breathing felt terrible difficult.

“Not me.” She gasped, pulling the Master closer.

“They aren’t me!”

The Master didn’t react at all, still fast asleep. Better for him. Better for her. Oh, selfish, Doctor, _again_. 

The Doctor started to laugh, she didn’t even now why. Maybe because all she felt for the tortured child was hatred. They destroyed her home, her past, _her friend_. They didn’t deserve her pity, they didn’t deserve her recognition, and most important, they didn’t deserve to be the Doctor.

Tears of laugher were running down the Docor’s face, because the Master was right. This child, these many, many incarnations of a tortured child could only be her. Who else would she despise that much?

She was retching again, but nothing but bile was left and in her attempt spare the Master of her mess she tried to roll away only to hit the floor with a loud bang.

The whole world was spinning, dark edges danced around her field of vision and she may be passing out but all she could to was laughing and laughing and laughing.

What was she even doing?! She was the Doctor and yet she ruined everything.

Yes, the Master was alive, but she had tortured him to reach her goal.

What was she doing?!

And now she actually regenerated, but still refused to take a new face. Oh, her tenth self would be proud of her. Well, he wasn’t her tenth self.

Her respirator bypass system kicked in and the Doctor tried to reach Koschei. But he was on the bed and she was on the floor, and she couldn’t move, she couldn’t move.

“Kos.” She gasped, but he was unconscious.

The Doctor blacked out.

She jolted upwards only seconds later, still gasping for breath. Her mind was empty and all she could think about is Koschei, Koschei, Koschei.

Koschei and the Cyberium.

She groaned, stumbling back to her feet, her whole body shaking.

What’s wrong?

A child in an alien outfit looked at her, standing in front of a portal on a world with a purple sky.

The Doctor screamed, pushes the picture of the child who destroyed everything away, away, away.

She stumbled to the Master’s jacket and slipped into the warm material. Much better than her own coat. It looked like a bloodied mess, but she stuffed it into on of the Master’s many pockets, there were far too many useful things in her own pockets.

Afterwards, without thinking, without even properly looking, she shoved the box with the Cyberium in, too.

Another look towards the Master – still fast asleep.

The Doctor let her herself drop to the floor, crawling to the next corner, hiding her head between her legs.

What was she doing?

Pictures started to float trough her mind, memories the Master had shown her in the Matrix. The Child, always the child even when they grew older. Tecteun.

And her own childhood. Koschei. And thousand of faces laughing and laughing and laughing at Theta, because he was nothing but a lie.

The Doctor started to cry, because they were wrong. She wasn’t them! She couldn’t remember them, _at all_! She didn’t even want to remember them. And yet they made the Master believe, the only thing he could do, was to die.

Oh, she hated that child. That child that convinced Koschei, that he needed to _die_ to give her peace. The Doctor hated that stupid child that couldn’t look after herself and needed to fall down that stupid rock. Stupid, stupid child. Stupid, Doctor.

She screamed.

She was glad when the Master finally woke up, because she couldn’t deal with the demons of a stranger anymore. Not, if she was supposed to be that stranger.

The Master woke up nearly 11 hours later. Suddenly, he was awake, staring to the ceiling, somehow lonely. His mind was blank, but it didn’t take long for the memories to catch up. He turned around, looking for the Cyberium but instead he found a purple pile of something.

It took him a moment to realise, that the pile was _breathing_.

The Doctor was pressed into the corner of the room, covered in _his jacket_. He couldn’t see much of her, but purple and a few of her blond strand of her.

“Doctor?”

She flinched, face turning towards her and her gaze lit up. A wide smile spread across her face and she crawled towards him, before she managed to pull her self up and stumble the last steps.

“Kos, I…”

She pulled _his_ jacket closer and closed the last gap.

The Master felt a boiling in his stomach, that nickname of his childhood name felt wrong on her lips, now. She had no right to use it after everything she had done in the last hours!

The Doctor looked like a ghost, bloodshot, puffy eyes and dark rings that took up most of her pale face. But still, she was _smiling_ eyes sparkling with joy and her shaking hands pulled him in a tight embrace while she places kissed onto his head.

The Doctor didn’t speak a single word and to his horror it didn’t surprise the Master, that his first lucid thoughts revolved around the way how he could hurt her the most.

He was grateful that she let go of him far too soon because a part of him screamed to push her away, to hurt her again and again, to finally break her apart. The Master pushed the familiar voice away – all his own thoughts, he couldn’t feel a single spark of the Cyberium.

Ah, there it was, the anger. Bubbling inside of him, telling him to lung for the Doctor – who seemed like she would collapse any moment – because she took away his last mean of escaping this stupid, meaningless life.

All her stupid lies to convince him to _not leave her_. Well, of course, an almighty god needed an obedient slave.

A part of the Master _knew_ that the Doctor never saw the universe like that – possible wasn’t even able to think like that – but it didn’t matter. Because even now, barely able to stand on her own, she was _so much more than him_. The Master would never be enough.

The rage was filling his mind while he heard the Doctor’s words over and over and over and over.

_I am so much more than you I am so much more than you I am so much more than you I am so much more than you_

With a scream he pushed her away, the Doctor stumbled, shock and exhaustion in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered with a broken voice, but he didn’t want to hear her meaningless excuses, her poor acting. She wasn’t sorry, she never was. She just wanted to win.

“Don’t!” He hissed in anger, but the Doctor opened her mouth again, another meaningless _sorry_ on her lips.

With an angered scream the Master threw the bedside table against the wall, only barely hitting the Doctor. To his frustration she didn’t even flinched, just looked at him with that annoyed look in her eyes.

At least that pitiful look was gone, much better! Now he didn’t have to restrain himself.

He screamed at her and she actually rolled her eyes.

As an answer he gripped the nearest item – which happened to be the pillow – and threw it towards her. It didn’t even make half of the way and the Doctor chuckled.

“Shut up!” He roared and kicked the bed only to howl in pain when is toes collided with the unrelenting wood.

“Master –“

“SHUT. UP!”

The Doctor folded her arms, looked with that amused look at him. Alright, maybe he was imagining things, but that didn’t stop him from kicking the bed again. That stupid room without anything to smash.

The Master panted hard, ignoring his throbbing toes. At least he already damaged his unharmed, completely healed body. He hated it, he hated it.

“Finished?”

The Master growled at her.

“You know, after nearly 3000 years you could expect, that you were past that point.”

“Shut. Up.”

“Remember that day in the Academy when you disassemble our whole room and screamed for hours because Ushas stole your homework and got the best grade in class?”

The Master slumped to the ground, still panting hard.

“She stole my homework!” He said through clenched teeth. 

The Doctor sat next to him and carefully took his hand, even though tried to pull away.

“I know, you’re hurt.” She mumbled and leaned her head against his shoulder. A prickling spread through his whole body and the Master closed his eyes to push it away but he couldn’t –

“Master?”

Instead of an answer he pushed the Doctor away.

“Don’t touch me!” he growled and backed away, pleased about her hurt expression. Still, something inside his hearts felt as broken as the look she gave him.

“Alright, but we need to leave. The Judoon found us, we need to leave that planet!”

The Master got to his feet without any further protest and stormed out of the room, down to the lobby and out of the door. The air helped a little bit but he was glad there weren’t any people, he wasn’t sure if they would survive his anger.

He leaned against the cool wall and drew in deep breaths. He needed to calm down. Easier said than done. His insides where bubbling with hatred and he couldn’t stop himself to punch the wall.

One, two, three, four times until his knuckle finally burst but the pain didn’t help. At least the Doctor’s forced regeneration energy, that left his body flawless had new marks to show her, that he was in control.

Another forceful punch.

“Master!” The Doctor finally appeared behind him, still dressed in his jacket and he growled.

“Shit, you’re bleeding!” He pushed her away and the Doctor nearly fell to the ground. Only the wall behind her back prevented her fall.

“Master, I just want to –“

“Shut up!” He hissed in anger. “I don’t care for your stupid attempts to _cure_ me, because there’s nothing to be cured!”

“Master, your fingers!”

He finally looked at the swollen flesh that used to be his hand. Alright, he did overreact a _bit_. Two of his fingers looked slightly out of place but he yanked than back, ignoring the sudden pain while the Doctor flinched hard.

Her shaking fingers reached towards him, holding a yellow cloth and he wrapped it around his injured hand without a second thought, he even grinned while his blooded stained the nice yellow into a dirty looking red.

The Doctor didn’t bat a eyelid, but started to move towards a street, hectically turning around as if to check if he was still following. He wouldn’t wonder if she would pull out the handcuff to cuff them together.

But she seemed far too confused and looked like a child in his jacked. For a moment he considered to yank it away from her, but a part of him resented to leave her to the cold, considering she looked sick.

So, the Master let her keep his jacket, freed from the Cyberium he has no problems at all to control his body temperature. The Doctor however wouldn’t stop trembling and occasionally stumbled and nearly fell.

She gave a pathetic picture. The oncoming storm, barely able to stand on her own feet.

He ignored her poor state because the Master wasn’t sure if he would actually help her or even push her to the ground only to kick her vulnerable body.

The Doctor deserved it.

He would do it, he really, really would, just to see that stupid _smile_ on her face finally disappear.

“Where are we going?” He asked annoyed. “I though we need a spaceship. You’re going in the wrong direction!”

“Oh.” The Master rolled his eyes.

“Ahh, yes, I know, but we need to pick up Leeoran first.”

“Who?”

The Master growled at her, already knowing what she would say next.

“He’s brilliant! Met him at the market while I was searching for the biometric substance and I –“

The Master just pushed her that hard, that she hit the ground.

“Stop that!” She whined, picking herself up.

The Master ignored her, stamping away from her.

“Stop!”

The Doctor yelled after him, gripping his arm all at sudden and he tried to push her away again, but she clung to him like a fucking monkey, her rimmed eyes full of unsaid pleas.

“Master, pl –“

He pushed her to the ground again, even though she just gripped his shirt.

“I’m sorry!” She whined.

“Shut. Up!” He growled, and it took everything not to kick her small figure. In a swift movement he pulled her back up, to prevent anything he couldn’t control during his next outburst.

“We leave that planet, find on of our TARDIS and I might not push you into the next black hole.”

“I’m sorry, I only –“

“I don’t want to hear your stupid excuses, Doctor!” he growled. “Don’t pretend you care for me, we both know you don’t!”

“That’s not true!”

“Shut. UP!”

“Alright, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, stop your useless excuses, you’re not sorry, we both know that. That’s only the timeless child, moving on!”

The Doctor looked terrible hurt, he could actually see unshed tears in her eyes but she nodded slowly.

“Let’s got.”

She stumbled away and he followed her in a good distance, not able to look at her pleading eyes while he knew, that she would throw him away, the moment she didn’t need him anymore. She always had thrown him away.

The Doctor already managed to pick up a new pet. While she had claimed to care for him. While he had been dying. Fucking hypocrite, as always. The Master was glad there weren’t any walls in reach because he was quite certain he wouldn’t had stop punching until the stones broke down to dust.

At least she stopped smiling. Somehow, that felt even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No promises, that I can keep that pace of posting twice a week. I try my best, but I might not manage it every week.


	21. Weightless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than usual, I’m sorry, but real life is really busy at the moment, so it might take me a little bit longer. 
> 
> Have fun!

Leeoran was hiding in a small alley but the Doctor recognised him anyway, his purple ears far too obvious. She was waving towards him until he carefully started to move.

“Seriously.” She heard the Master mumble. “He’s not even human. Not even a girl. Just one of that smuggler children, seriously, why?!”

She turned around, to look the Master in his sad eyes.

“Like you say, he’s just a child. Be kind. Please.”

The look he gave her told the Doctor, that he wouldn’t be kind at all. She could only hope he would be really quiet.

Leeoran had reached them now, his eyes nervously scanning over the Master.

“It’s alright, he’s a friend.”

The Master snorted.

“I wasn’t sure if you had forgotten me…” Leeoran mumbled with a low voice and more snorts, actually nearly laugher, followed.

“No, of course not. You’re brilliant. Just a little bit busy.” Still more snorting and the boy’s eyes kept springing back to the Master.

“Who are you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you’re a friend of John?”

“John?!” The Master exploded in laugher.

“John, seriously, Doctor.” The Doctor rolled her eyes, what was wrong with that name?! Of course he needed to play the idiot, now, that he couldn’t push her around in front of that child.

“He’s Harry.” The Master grunted.

“Harry?” Leeoran looked at him.

“If she says so.” He giggled and the Doctor was glad, he didn’t lose it again.

Leeoran pulled at the Doctor’s sleeve, clearly nervous and she followed him a few steps away.

“What’s wrong?”

“Your friend…” Oh now, of course. There it started. “He’s scary.”

_She scares me. Like, she really scares me_

“It’s alright, Leeoran, promise. We are leaving the planet, as I promised. Only if you want to come, of course!”

The boy nodded hectically.

“Of course, I want to come!”

“Well, perfect! Let’s go.”

The Doctor knew that she was only playing with borrowed time.

The Master, for sure felt Leeorans suspiciousness and it amused him even more. At least he was quiet, the Doctor’s could feel his anger and pain, even though his walls were closed up, but apart from occasional giggling – she _really_ didn’t want to know what he was thinking about – he followed them a few steps apart.

It took the Doctor a while to realise, that the Master’s behaviour scared Leeoran even more. He was incredible quiet, too, and she couldn’t help but see his scared looks at him.

She didn’t even think, until now, that his giggling and the mad look – something she remembered him doing her whole live – had always worried people. Sure, there must be a reason why everyone sooner or later called him insane.

The thought stung and the Doctor remembered why she didn’t like to think about her friend like that – too much pain, too much buried memories.

“Master…” She mumbled in gallifreyan, ignoring that Leeorans pricked up ears.

“Any ideas how we actually leave that place?” This time he finally exploded into laugher.

“Seriously, Doctor.” Even though he nearly sounded like he had forgiven her, she knew better. It was the quite before the storm.

His laughing stopped abruptly, his dark eyes roaming over her and Leeoran hid even more behind the Doctor’s body. The frightened boy clung to her sleeve – well, actually _the Master’s_ sleeve – and his eyes nervously flickered towards him.

“Let me do it, _love_.” He explained too calmly, the ‘love’ stinging like a slap to the face.

“No, wait!” She took his arm, but the Master shoved her that hard, that she nearly stumbled over Leeoran who’s eyes grew wider every moment.

“I am not leaving you alone!” The Doctor’s hissed.

A dark laugher was all the answer she got, and the Master turned around and disappeared into the next alley, his laugher following them.

The Doctor gripped Leeoran’s arm, ready to storm behind him, but the boy was clearly _terrified_.

“Leeoran, please, we can’t leave him alone!”

His bottom lip was trembling, and his ears were flattened.

“But he’s…” The boy was clearly lost for words and the Doctor wondered if the Master had terrified her new friend in more ways than she realised. He was a terrifying good telepath…

“Leeoran…” She sank to her knees, taking his hands in her own.

“He’s my friend. And he’s not well at the moment. He _needs_ me.”

_And I need him._ But in no possible future she spoke these words out loud.

“Well, anyway!” She clapped her hands and Leeoran flinched. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot. But I never told you about the best part, didn’t I?”

Curious eyes found hers. “What?”

“Running!”

Without another word the Doctor took hold of his small hand and sprinted into the alley, finally able to smile in joy because, oh she _missed_ that!

Even though the Doctor finally felt alive and Leeoran calmed down during their run, it took her a while to find the Master. He intentionally confused her, blocking his psychic presence and let her run in circles.

In the end it was Leeoran and his more than brilliant knowledge about the streets that lead them to an even darker alley and dangerous looking people.

To the Doctor’s shame, she felt really alive, knowing of all the danger, knowing, that she wasn’t that different. And Leeoran didn’t even bet an eyelid, just grinned shyly at her.

Well, until the Master popped out of nowhere (actually, he had moved in the shadows, but Leeoran nearly jumped in shock).

“Found us a trip.” He said, still speaking gallifreyan and grinned at the scared boy.

“Even for your, pet, say ‘thank you’, Doctor.”

The Doctor gritted her teeth, swallowing her pride and pressing out the words.

“Thank you, Master.”

“Oh love, we need to work on that.”

He laughed darkly, moving away again, but this time she managed to follow him. All the Doctor could do was hope that she wouldn’t find herself in an alley of corpses.

To the Doctor’s surprise she found a scruffy looking figure, hiding under a hood, who allowed them to take a trip to Sto. The voice from under the hood promised to that he would be able to leave the planet without drawing the Judoon’s attention to his rocket.

She knew that the Master had hypnotized the stranger, but somehow she couldn’t care less at the moment. The Doctor would bet, that it was a terrible idea, but Leeoran’s sparkling eyes reminded her why she was still fighting. Not that she had a better idea.

But the launching pad left her with bad feeling and the Master wrinkled his nose in disgust. The Doctor couldn’t take his expression amiss, the rocket in front of them looked more than ready to end on the junkyard.

_But so does your Tardis._ The Master whispered in her head, laughing darkly at her sudden flinch, withdrawing before she had a chance to answer. All she was able to do was giving him an annoyed look. 

“Is that a rocket?” Leeoran whispered, suddenly as frisky as before.

“’Yes.” The Doctor grinned at him, forcing herself not to tell him, that the machine in front of them was one of the worst she had seen in a long while. She would do anything for her Tardis right now.

Instead they entered through a loading platform.

“It stinks.” The Master mumbled but Leeoran was still smiling and grinning as if the Doctor promised him the whole universe. And somehow, she already did, not that the boy knew that.

The hatch closed with a loud bang, but the Doctor forced herself not to panic. The Master wouldn’t blow up the rocket, while he was on board, wouldn’t he? The terrible realisation that he tried to die before, didn’t help the Doctor’s suspicion. But he wouldn’t do that, would he?!

She carefully nudged his shoulder and the Master turned around with a snarl.

“Master, we need to talk about this –“ The Doctor started but he cut her off.

“Not in front of your pet, right? And especially not on that junkyard. I still have some pride!”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“Shut it, Doctor. You’re scaring your pet, remember, he doesn’t understand us.”

She turned around, just to see that the Master was right. Leeoran looked suspicious, an uncanny look in his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Leeoran, I show you around, what do you think?” She asked in his native language and he smiled shyly.

“Yes, please.”

The Doctor tried to remember how it had been when she had seen the world like Leeoran. Everything new was so interesting and extraordinary and she needed to discover _everything_!

Leeoran’s grinning and smiling and asking (and forgetting the Master’s presence) showed her again, why she needed people like him.

So innocent, so naïve in a life where nothing special had happened before (well, in the Doctor’s concept of ‘special’). She could show them the whole world, absorbing their joy and remembering a time where her world (Theta’s world) had been the same.

Theta Sigma of Lungbarrow and Koschei of Oakdown against the universe.

Now, it seemed more like the Doctor against the Master.

She turned around to him, while Leeoran was busy bouncing all over the accessible areas only to get caught by his angry look. The Doctor flinched, watching a smile grin appear on his face. Somehow he looked sad.

She opened her mouth, just to say _something_ , but sudden sirens stopped her at once.

“Oh, that’s an old model.” The Doctor mumbled, ignoring the Master’s laugher.

“Come on, Leeoran, it’s going up in no time, now. We need to find a good place.”

That turned out more complicated than expected. The rocket wasn’t created to transport people apart from those who sat in the control room.

“Alright, we need somewhere where we can fasten in…” The Doctor explained quietly, her eyes rooming around. The Master just stood there like a statue (a really sad, really angry stature) and ignored her hectic running around.

She would bet he already found the perfect place.

Her bet turned out to be right, when he pointed, just in time for launching, with a sigh at an elevation on the floor, right in front of a part of the wall with straps. Probably for transporting some products but it would perfectly work as seats.

“Come on, Leeoran.” She grinned and sat the boy on the most comfortable looking elevation, using the straps as a makeshift seat belt when the countdown started.

“Oh, I hate primitive rockets!” The Doctor hissed, ignoring the Master’s grin who sat down relaxed when the rocket launched.

The Doctor cursed in gallifreyan before the pressure pressed all the air out of her lungs, making her three times heavier than usual and swung her though the room.

Well, that should have happened, instead strong hand gripped her while the force pressed her heave body towards her unexpected saviour.

The Doctor could feel the Master’s rapid heartbeats, breathing against the weight of two far to heavy bodies while the Doctor moaned silently. Yes, there was a reason why she _hated_ primitive vessels in situations like that!

At least Leeoran seemed to have his fun (as much fun you can have while your body felt like it turned into a whale).

Even though the rumble of the engines was dulled due to the thick walls the Doctor whished she could cover her ears.

She pressed her face into the Master’s chest, breathing his familiar scent, ignoring his anger, his pain – the pain she had caused!

_Contact?_

A silent sigh.

_Yes, love?_

_I’m sorry. I am so sorry!_

_Stop, Doctor! I don’t want to hear it!_

_We talk, okay. After all of that, we talk!_

The Master laughed darkly in her head, showing her pictures of Leeoran, of her _Fam_. All at once she felt increadible guilty.

_Exactly, love, you won’t have the time to talk. Far too busy with your pets._

He pushed her out of his mind even though there were so many things she needed to tell him. The Doctor wanted to thank him, he managed to get them of the planet without meeting a single Judoon. But now, she needed to destroy everything!

Leeoran gave a yelp of surprise she same moment the Master pushed her away and a startled scream escaped her too.

She had been so deep in her thoughts without even realising how far away they had already gone. She trundled through the air, bouncing against the next wall because her clouded mind took far to long the realise, that she was weightless.

Finally, she managed to grip a part of the wall, hair flying all over her face while she looked down at the Master and Leeoran.

The Master grinned, while she hung head down, world spinning, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh Leeoran!” The Doctor giggled, watching the boy who looked in shock at his lifting limps.

The Master’s face returned to an emotionless mask, but she could see the pain in his eyes for a second. What had she done wrong, again?!

“Can I do that, too?!”

Her new friend ask, pointing uncertain towards her and the Doctor nodded, carefully pushed herself off and floated towards him.

“Leeoran, Leeoran, Leeoran. Welcome in space. Welcome in anti-gravitation!”

She freed his provisional seat belt, took his tiny hand and showed him the wonders of the weightlessness.

A part of the Doctor wished she could fool around with Koschei. But the Master just stared at her in betrayal, anger and pain clearly on his face when he thought she wasn’t looking.

The Doctor felt so guilty.


	22. Fairy Tale

“Don’t you want to join us, Master?” The Doctor asked, giggling while she spun her new pet around.

“It’s amazing.”

He snorted.  
“You know what, Doctor, if I wanted to be weightless, I would have chosen an easier solution than flying with a rocket.”

She rolled her eyes which looked ridiculous, while she hung head down with her hair framing her hair like a useless helmet. The Master could barely prevent a giggle.

“I mean, you’re right, but I mostly worry, that the landing is going to be bad.” 

He gave her an angry looks, pushing away the image of her first body, of Theta, without care in the world, grinning like a stupid idiot because everything was so _wonderful_. The Master was glad the Doctor wasn’t aware how much she resembled _his Theta_ in this moment.

His anger was still there, bubbling under the surface, ready to break out, to make him lash out at her and her stupid pet.

But somehow… the Master felt empty and alone. And there was no room for anger while the boy looked at him with so much fear in the eyes. He wondered if the Doctor had realised, that he had scared that kid intentionally, projecting fear in his mind, nudging at the right memories. Oh, it was easy to terrify him.

Somehow it didn’t help. He was still laughing while the Doctor spun him around and there was that hatred bubbling and bubbling and – “Oh fuck!”

The Master was flung out of his thoughts when the Doctor’s body hit him with full force.

The crash let her spin around, trying to take hold of something. Automatically the Master grabbed her wrist, still wearing his improvised seat belt, and stopped her spinning downfall.

A part of him snarled at himself why he didn’t push her away but the Doctor’s big eyes full of surprise, full of _something_ left his hearts pounding wildly in his chest. And it wasn’t hatred.

“What are you doing?” He snarled at her, but his voice was much calmer than he intended.

“Coordination…”

A giggle escaped him and suddenly the Master was laughing that hard, that he nearly lost his grip on the Doctor who was laughing equally hard until small bubbles of tears floated around them.

“Oh Koschei.” She was clinging to his shirt while his jacket surrounded her like the cape of some of the superheroes on earth.

Her little pet was staring at them as if they both lost their mind. And maybe they did. Maybe they were totally insane, living in their little bubble of hatred while every other planet spun around actual important things.

Everything that the Master spun around was the Doctor.

And she was looking at him, these stunning eyes of an old soul looking at him as if he was _everything_ while he was nothing but another pet for her to play with.

The thought laced up his chest and he found himself glaring at the boy (who looked incredibly stupid with his flying ears) until he backed away in fear, mumbling something like he was going to explore the ship, staggering through the air like a dog through water.

The Doctor didn’t even seem to care, actually, she only gave her pet a quick look before she covered her face in his neck, giggling, while her fingers moved to his middle and – “No!”

But she was faster, sonic screwdriver already opening the straps and he was spinning through the air, the Doctor clinging to him and maybe he was clinging to her, too.

“I love you.” She whispered, pressing kisses to his exposed neck, her hands clumsily moving over his body. The Master could tell by her uncoordinated movements that she was barely aware about what she was doing.

“Doctor…” He tried to summon his hatred and just push her away, but she was nothing more than an overtired little boy who used to cry in his sleep, and he couldn’t –

“Doctor, you should sleep.”

She lifted her head, slack expression until her brain seemed to understand the meaning and she was giggling. She looked exhausted and sick, even the regeneration burst seemed to have left her as broken as before. There was no fun in a broken Doctor, and he couldn’t hate her like that, not while she was staring at him the same way she used to do as a little boy.

Not when she looked more like Theta than she had done for a long time.

The Doctor moved her head while the Master managed to take hold on the wall, stopping their spinning adventure through the rocket and he knew what she was doing.

She tried to kiss him, pressed her cracked lip clumsy on his and for a moment – just a few peaceful milliseconds – he imagined kissing her back, just like they had done on Arnoc. Instead the Master pushed her away, something inside his hearts cracking when he saw the betrayal in her eyes.

“Stop it, Doctor.”

His voice was calm but cold. She didn’t speak a single word, just stared at him, eyes wide and vulnerable, slowly letting go of him, floating away from him. The Master merely averted his gaze, but still watched her small form in the corner of his eye.

The Doctor drew her knees to her chest, burying her head between her hands. She looked like a scared child, whirling through the room.

The Master sighed, swimming back to his seat, avoiding the Doctor’s swirling body. He secured his body again, closing his eyes, pretending that everything was alright.

That he wasn’t going to explode in anger, that he hadn’t pushed the Doctor away…

Her body bumped against a wall, her arm ravelled with some cords and she just stayed there, unmoving while until her mind actually started to calm down.

The Master snorted.

Alright, he could tell for sure that nobody except Theta Sigma was able to fall asleep while swirling through a rocket.

The Master’s amusement changed quickly when he saw the small bubbles around her. She was crying silently, assuming by her telepathic presence half asleep and obviously already captured in another nightmare.

He closed his eyes, ignoring her poor sight.

1-2-3-4.

Alright that wasn’t going to work. The Master opened the straps and pushed himself towards his friend’s body.

“Doctor…” He mumbled, but the Doctor didn’t react even though he was sure a part of her was really aware about her surroundings.

He sighed, freeing her arm and guiding her back to their seats. It was strange to pull her along without any word of protest in this strange moment, floating through the air like thoughts through the mind.

The Master shook his head, pushing the thinking away and tried to take a seat without floating back again.

In the end he merely pulled her in his lap arranging her small body until they were both save from the weightlessness. Her hair looked still ridiculous and the Master wondered if he wore a similar useless helmet of hair like she did.

The Doctor moaned, her face buried in his neck.

“I’m still incredible angry!” He hissed at her, but the only respond was her hand gripping his.

The Master felt a sting of guilt how she trusted him in such a vulnerable state, still half asleep but the nightmare seemed gone. Intuitive she curled towards him, head against his chest and he caught himself stroking her back while his thoughts started to wander back to his childhood.

Their childhood.

And suddenly the great almighty god in his arms was Theta Sigma again. The same stupid boy he would had taken over the universe for.

The Master was drawing circles to her back, maybe even writing nonsense while a part of him grieved for his lost friendship with a boy who promised him the stars. Just for a moment, a peaceful moment he allowed himself to think about the possibility how his life would had turned out if just a tiny thing hadn’t happened the way it had.

Maybe, somewhere in a parallel universe a Theta Sigma and a Koschei had a life together. A life they both had ruined in this reality.

Would they be happy? Possible. Maybe they had stolen a Tardis together and never ever stopped exploring the universe like they had promised each other so many, many years ago that it felt more like a fairy tale rather than an actual experience.

Because that was what it would always be. A fairy tale. Theta and Koschei had been so long ago, and every thought about a different path wasn’t any better than a child’s unrealistic dreams of a perfect world.

They weren’t meant to be together, the universe had been very clear about that aspect of their relationship and the Master realised, that he stopped doubting it a long time ago.

Because, truth be told, he would have ruined their life sooner or later. That’s who he was, the Master who was meant to fight the Doctor, to destroy uncountable worlds and break a billion hearts.

“I hate you, Doctor!” The Master whispered.

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…”

And while his voice broke with every word even more the Doctor finally drifted off to sleep. The Master pulled her even closer and forced himself not to cry. Their whole lives were nothing but lies.

The Doctor slept for hours (finally, even though he denied it, the Master was glad that she was finally starting to recover). The Master was playing with her hair most of the times, or stroking her back, finally calming down himself.

It wasn’t as if he forgot his rage and hatred, everything was still there, bubbling in his insides, ready to ruin everything, but for now he was good to feel the Doctor’s even breaths and dwell on the thought, that the Doctor was still trusting him.

He even smiled at the kid, when he finally returned. Not that the Doctor’s pet appreciated it, he stared in horror at him and left the room again.

Leeoran (alright, he could stop pretending he didn’t know his name) came back only a few minutes after, exhausted, too and took his place, trying his best to keep as far away from him as he could manage. 

“I’m not going to kick you out of the rocket, kid.” He sighed. “That would be far too boring, don’t you think?”

The boy’s eyes got even wider.

“Oh, come on, I’m joking. The Doctor is asleep, and we are captured in a creaking metal pipe, I gain nothing by killing you.”

Not to mention that he wouldn’t kill a child, but the pet didn’t need to know that.

Leeoran kept quiet, watching the Master and the fast-asleep Doctor for a while before he finally started to speak, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“She’s really your friend, isn’t she?”

That took him by surprise and the Master could barely manage to not stare at him.

“Why would you say that?” He laughed, only to realise that it sounded far too nervous.

“She said you’re her friend and you called her Doctor even though she claimed her name was ‘John’.”

The Master snorted, she would never learn it, would she?

“I’m not stupid, you know.” Leeoran continued. “I grew up with criminals from many different planets, I met humans and I know that ‘John’ is a typical male name on earth.”

“First, she isn’t human. And neither am I. And secondly, it’s really just a name, kid. Everyone can use it, never mind the gender.”

But the Master knew that someone who wasn’t a Gallifreyan would have difficulties to understand this view of the world. And he used that knowledge to make fun of the Doctor too, so what was he even trying to accomplish?

“Doesn’t matter… she’s your friend.”

The Master could barely hold back the flinch. It wasn’t right to hear her pet say things like that. Every other of her friends didn’t believe their relationship was more than a stupid rivalry with him as a villain. So why would that change?

“She was my friend… a long, long time ago.”

He heard himself whisper, barely aware what he was doing. But the Doctor’s body in his arms made him think so much about his childhood, about Theta… maybe not everything had been a lie?

Leeoran looked at him, somehow with a strength in his eyes that wasn’t right in the eyes of a child. Every fear seemed to be gone and the Master realised, that he didn’t even care what the boy thought.

“I don’t think you can end a friendship. And if you do you have never been real friends in the beginning.”

The words reached him like though cotton wool and the Master shook is head to pull himself back.

“She hurt me a lot. And I did the same. We aren’t friends!”

All Leeoran did was to shrug his shoulders. They didn’t talk after this.

The child was off again to find the bathroom. The Master was still giggling about the mere idea how he would try to use the toilet. It was embarrassing how weak most alien’s organs were.

It had been nine hours since they started their flight to Sto when the Doctor finally stirred in his arms. She was waking up really slowly and the Master realised that she had no idea what was actually happening or were she was.

Why else would she snuggling against him even more? The Master was really quiet, his hands stopped moving on her back while he waited for her to say something.

Maybe he should push her away, just to prove a point? Again, that seemed like a child’s tantrum, nothing he needed right now.

But the Doctor didn’t move at all, just holding onto him and he realised in shock, that she was as afraid as he was about their reactions.

“Doctor…” He finally whispered but she still didn’t react.

The Master was starting to stroke her back again, somehow calming down while doing the same monotone movement.

“I’m angry, you know…” He tried again, his voice still barely audible but firm.

“And I don’t know if I can stop that hatred because… because… Never mind.”

He sighed, watching the Doctor’s tense expression.

“I don’t think that the anger will ever fully go away, no matter what I’m doing. It’s been there since I was eight.”

She was moving in his arms, slowly but steady moving her arms over his body until she was hugging him, face buried in his neck.

“I hate you. I hate you so much.”

The Master was close to tears and that realisation pushed him even more towards the buried anger.

“But I never stopped loving you, too. And I don’t think I can ever do that.”

He swallowed hard.

“So, if you won’t let me leave – forever – I’m going to ruin your life even more. Every fucking moment. I hope you realised what you were doing.”

“You never ruined my life…” The Doctor finally whispered, and her words made the anger bubble in his insides even more.

“I love you. You showed me a way to see the world. I wouldn’t be the Doctor without you.”

“Yes, because you would have your perfect life on Gallifrey, with a family and friends who truly cared about you and –“

The Doctor started laughing. “Do you really think I could live such a life?”

She lifted her head and her green eyes digging right through him.

“And you cared more about me than everyone else in my whole life. Why are you lying?!”

“I. Ruined. Everything!” The Master hissed, ready to push her away, but the Doctor was faster, clinging to him tightly, her forehead pressed to his.

_Contact._

He couldn’t refuse her, not now.

_Contact._

_I love you._

The Doctor whispered in his mind and he had nothing to say because the Master could feel the truth in her words.

She kissed him gently and this time he didn’t push her away. Maybe, because he was tired of being alone. Maybe, because she was showing him moments of their life he hadn’t remembered for a long time.

Because their childhood and youth seemed so unreal now, that he knew, that everything was a lie. That Theta wasn’t who he had believed he was, who was nothing but another life, another experiment with the timeless child.

But regardless he could feel the Doctor’s love towards him. Something she wasn’t able to fake because

_I’m far too bad at telepathic._

And finally, he was laughing and crying and kissing her back while Theta and Koschei watched the second sunrise in their heads.

_That’s real. For me, that’s real! You’re my life. Don’t pretend you know better. Because you know, no matter if there were any other lives, I could never love anyone more than I love you._

And maybe, just for now, it was okay. Because maybe the Doctor and the Master were meant to be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I managed fluff. At least a little bit. But it’s time for them to finally be friends again. 
> 
> Also, I’m thinking about changing my username, so just that you know, hopefully I won’t confuse you.


	23. The Obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter still feels a little bit wonky, but I wouldn’t want to let you wait any longer, so here it is anyway.
> 
> Have fun!

The Doctor was glad she wasn’t seeing Leeoran’s face when he came back and found them kissing. She flinched in surprise at his sudden presence and pulled back. The Master was grinning dangerously towards Leeoran who’s eyes flickered back and forth between them.

“Ahem…” He tried, rowing with his arms.

“Hi, Leeoran.” She smiled at him and to the Doctor’s surprise all she could think about was Clara – _Clara, Clara, Clara_ – and her face if she would have seen her kiss the Master. She started giggling, leaning against her friend while Leeoran carefully tried to reach his improvised seat.

“I’m not sure I like space.” He said uncertain and the Doctor nodded in agreement even though she couldn’t find herself disliking their flight while she was cuddling with the Master.

“There a so many places I want to show you, Leeoran. Don’t worry, I have a really brilliant spaceship.”

Her new friend smile wildly while the Master’s whole body went stiff. Alright, here they were going again. Of course, she was screwing it up again.

_Koschei…_

She tried but the Master hushed her, starting to brush her aside. The Doctor didn’t struggle, just floated to her own seat and used the straps to prevent herself from flying around. She was close enough to touch the Master, but he didn’t look to happy right now.

The Doctor knew that it was only a matter of time before the Master would snap again.

Maybe, she should stay asleep all the time. Because with every word that left her mouth Leeoran was smiling more and more while the Master looked like he was ready to lose it every second.

The Doctor could never get it right, could she?

“Why did you say your name’s ‘John?’” She startled from her thoughts and it took her a moment to understand the meaning of his words.

“Am, well it wasn’t the best place to tell you my name. And I use it a lot.”

Leeoran looked at her in confusion.

“You use ‘John’ all the time?!”

“It’s only a name. What’s wrong with the name?”

The Master snorted behind her back.

“Well… it’s a _male_ name?” Leeoran tried carefully and the Doctor frowned.

“Why would a name be gender specific?!” She asked, clearly shocked about his announcement.

The Master was laughing in her head, nudging at her walls and she let him in. She could feel his anger, stuffed under all the amusement about the Doctor’s confusion.

_Incredible how you missed that even though you spend most of your time on Earth._

The Doctor turned around, looking from the Master, who was clearly making fun of her, and Leeoran who’s corners of the mouth started to twitch.

“I’m not sure if I get it…” She tried carefully, ignoring the Master’s laugher and Leeoran’s face who had clearly problems not to join her friend’s mocking.

“You’re right… it’s just a name.” The boy explained to her, smiling but she could see in his eyes that he wasn’t sure anymore if she hadn’t lost her mind.

Leeoran tried to change the subject but the Doctor’s thoughts couldn’t stop resolving around his words. She was missing _something!_

Suddenly, it clicked.

“Oh yes! Oh!” The Doctor smacked her palm against her face.

“Oh, I’m stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I _hate_ the obvious!”

“The obvious?!”

“Yes, yes, yes. I always tend to miss it.” She grimaced.

“Want to share your discovery?” The Master was grinning again.

“’John’ it’s an earth name from a time when humans were still incredible focused on the whole man woman thing.”

“And you don’t?”

Leeoran asked carefully while the Doctor looked at him in confusion.

“It’s a stupid concept, _genders_. Took me ages to understand it…”

“Actually, you started a discussion.” The Master chuckled. “What a great lesson, I never forget the teacher’s face.”

“But… but…”

The Master gave Leeoran a pitiful look.

“I think his tiny brain is going to explode any second now, Doctor.” He snorted.

“Oh, leave him alone. It’s not his fault he grew up on such an uncivilised planet.”

“Oh Doctor, now you’re being rude.”

“Am I? Leeoran, am I being rude?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders, opening his mouth only to close it again.

“Sorry…” The Doctor mumbled while Leeoran finally found the words to form a sentence.

“You’re a woman…”

“Oh, yes I am. I tend to forget that… Never really thought about it much.”

The Master laughed.

“But she tends to forget her appearance all the time, kid, that’s nothing new.”

“Oh, shut up. I bet you didn’t realise either!”

He rolled his eyes, giving the Doctor a strange look.

“Of course, I did realise! So many new parts, so much to explore – wait, you actually didn’t do that?!”

The Doctor felt her cheeks turn red.

“Serious, Doctor. Remember when you told me, that you absolutely wanted to be a woman some day and now you after you accomplished it you just _forget_ about it.”

“I was _busy_.”

But the Master was already laughing while Leeoran looked at them as if they finally lost their minds.

“Are you talking about sex?”

“Oh, even worse, kid.” The Master chuckled.

“No, we’re not. He’s only mocking you.” But her cheeks felt still hot and the Master chuckled behind her back while Leeoran’s big eyes wandered from one Time Lord to the next.

“You’re the weirdest friends I ever met.” He explained and the Master’s chuckle died abruptly.

And while the Doctor could feel how the Master’s anger was starting to boil against the surface she was actually lost for words, trying to think of _anything_ she could say.

Maybe Leeoran realised her dilemma, or maybe he was actually exhausted, because he explained, without further nudging the subject: “I’m really tired.”

“Oh, alright, of course. Sorry. Wait, I help you.”

The Doctor helped the boy to find a more comfortable place without floating away so that he could actually sleep.

The Master, who had spent the last minutes actually having fun, looked at her with such a sullen expression that she swallowed hard.

She opened her mouth, but the Master snarled at her.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Sorry…” She whispered and observed how Leeoran’s mental presence started to calm down until he fell asleep.

The Doctor didn’t dare to speak to the Master afterwards.

The Master tried his best to keep his anger at bay, but it felt as if the Cyberium was back in his head ordering him to attack the Doctor. The only difference was that he had been able to fight the stupid AI. He wouldn’t be able to hold himself together much longer.

A hand carefully touched his arm and the Master slapped it away.

“It’s alright, I’m still there. And I’m not going to leave.”

The Master found himself laughing darkly.

“Oh, really. Like you always _not leave_ me.”

He asked bitterly, shaking with the effort to not lose it. But the Master was projecting his anger, his pain intuitively and he could feel how the Doctor’s pet was drawn back to consciousness.

The Doctor didn’t even realise, far too busy with him and the child himself stayed motionless. Good for him.

“I promise. I won’t.”

“Liar. Fucking liar.”

“Koschei…”

He shoved her hand away, his whole body shaking.

“It took you how long to find him?” He snapped, nodding towards the boy, pretending to be asleep.

“I just wanted –“

“Oh, shut up. You always just want to help everyone but me. I get it. But the truth is: they all suffer in the end because of you!”

“Stop that.” The Doctor’s voice sounded small and broken. Good.

“I’m sorry, he shouldn’t have left you, I was angry and –“

“You left me, leaving a fucking human to kill me!”

“I –“

“Am I not even worth that much of your time?” He laughed bitterly. “Oh wait, I forget. The superior timeless child needs her next toy.”

“Stop!”

The Master growled, kicking at the air, anger boiling even more because _useless weightlessness_. He pushed Leeoran back to sleep, enough was enough, this was between him and the Doctor. Her pets weren’t welcome.

He tried to slam his head against the wall, just to stop these stupid trembling, but the Doctor caught him, forcing him away.

“I’ve got you.”

The Master was sure, that he would punch her over and over and over and over and scream and… and…

The Doctor pressed him to her body while he cried, broken sobs escaping him and she was holding him through, stroking his hair and maybe she was crying too.

But for once she was there, not leaving. Just there for him.

And it only made him cry harder.

There was no way in telling how long he clung to the Doctor, crying like a pathetic human, but she didn’t let go of him, actually pulled him closer, whispering words he didn’t understand.

His mental walls were cracking, and the Doctor carefully slide through the cracks, finding his crumpled form and taking him in her arms.

She was holding him in both worlds talking to him, maybe, just for a little moment, finally seeing him.

He could feel sand on his fingers, smell the typical scent of home – without all the ashes and fires – and realised, how much he missed the time, when everything was alright. When he had been a little boy which all the possibilities in the universe.

Until the drums came and took his sanity away – but he met Theta, who never ever cared, and somehow it was alright. Until Theta disappeared and left an angry broken man who couldn’t stop seeing all the wrongness of his existence.

Oh, he missed this easy time. He missed Gallifrey.

And yet… he would do it again. Without a second thought the Master would destroy Gallifrey again and again and again and again. He would to _everything_ for the Doctor.

Not that she ever appreciated his gifts.

_It was my home. As much as I wanted to run away, it was my home._

In the physical world, he was still crying, but his mental image could finally lift his head and look the Doctor in the eyes.

_I know._

And this time he meant it. This time he could believe her.

Because if Theta had never been real… he might have been dead for a long, long time now.

_It doesn’t change the things they did._

He whispered to her and his voice was echoing from everywhere.

_And I would to it again._

The Doctor looked at him, tears in her eyes, and she was every of her past selves at once. His mind was showing him everything he didn’t want to see. Everything he should see. Or it was just the Doctor, out of practice as usual.

_Why won’t you stop to save me?_

She whispered but her voice sounded more like the one of her third body.

But they both knew the answer and there was no point in talking about words that didn’t need saying.

The room around them started to dissolve around them but the Master could still feel the Doctor nudging in his mind, and he relaxed with the feeling of her love. Finally, the tears stopped, and he lifted his head, eyes still closed and pressed his forehead to hers.

They stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other, not speaking, not thinking.

The Doctor pulled away first, carefully smiling at him and even though the Master clenched his teeth and felt his hands shaking slightly, he was glad for her presence.

He found himself fiddling with her floating hair while the Doctor giggled, and the last strain left his body.

“Your hair… you really need to do something with it.” He rasped silently and the Doctor smiled weakly.

“I could try… well, _you_ could try.”

The Master stared at her in, trying to find a possible answer when a sudden jerk bought him back to the reality, back to the realisation, that he was on a rocket ready for the junkyard and that something was terribly wrong.


	24. Distraction

“Did you feel that?”

The Doctor asked with concern the same moment the rocket made another jerk.

Both froze and the Master had a terrible feeling creeping up his head.

Another jerk and the Doctor pushed herself away from him, hectically floating towards a metal box which most definitely hid access to the main computer. He hadn’t been sure that the Doctor had seen it, too.

But now, she used her sonic screwdriver to blow up the lock and start the display behind it. He was next to her the same moment she started cursing.

“Oh shit!”

He said, when he saw the rocket’s flight details.

“We’re so dead.”

“What’s wrong?” Leeoran had woken up, rubbing his eyes and looked in confusion between them.

“Ahem…” The Doctor opened her mouth, but this was definitely not the right time for one of her babblings.

“We’re too steep.” Even though he said it with the calmest voice he could muster they both knew what that meant.

Leeoran didn’t. His confused expression showed the Master that the boy had no idea about the danger he was in.

“Too steep?” He asked carefully.

“Yap…” The Doctor repeated stressed. “The angle amount to 10,5°, but we need to reach an angle with at most 7°.”

“Or what?” Leeoran started to look afraid. As much as he liked his tensed-up face, this wasn’t the moment. Instead he went to the locked door and tried to override the security protocols. The Doctor was still talking about the angles of re-entry even though he was sure that her pet wasn’t getting it.

“Doctor, stop talking!” The Master hissed.

“What happens?!”

“Oh, we burn up while entering the atmosphere of Sto.”

“What?”

“It’s not that –“

“Doctor, shut up now!”

The Master was still trying to override the security protocols of the door.

“Your screwdriver, NOW!”

At least it worked. Yes, the Doctor was still rolling her eyes, but she pushed the sonic screwdriver towards him. The instrument swung through the air until he gripped it and overrode the remaining protocols as fast as possible.

Finally, the door opened with an audible click.

“Alright, let’s find the console room and save this junkyard rocket.”

For once the Doctor was totally the same opinion as him. She even grinned at him while they made their way. Only Leeoran looked slightly terrified but the Master was sure, that the Doctor was feeling the same rousing buzzing in her chest, because finally something exciting happened.

It was the same feeling that had brought them into much trouble when they had still been children.

The Master was thinking about the stupid nonsense they had done on Gallifrey while they were swimming through the air as fast as possible. The Master couldn’t prevent a giggle, they must look absolutely ridiculous.

“Doctor?”

The Master didn’t even take the time to turn around, he had realised, that the kid wasn’t keeping up their pace ages ago.

“It’s alright, Leeoran… just wait here.”

The Master raised an eyebrow. Since when was she leaving her pets behind? (Not that he could get lost… but anyway)

And while they where stuck in front of the next closed door, the Master couldn’t help but mock the Doctor again, while she fiddled with the lock.

“Don’t want to adopt him?”

He grinned darkly while the Doctor’s eyes turned dark.

“Don’t you dare!”

“You haven’t been a parent for a long time. Time to change that.”

“Seriously, stop!”

The Master knew that he was on the border of dangerous territory. Talking about their dead children was their taboo and the Master wouldn’t even think about hurting her with something that painful, no matter how angry he was with her.

He had loved her children as much as he loved his own daughter.

And so, he stopped mocking her, but the Doctor was already upset.

“I have been a terrible father.”

“No, you haven’t!” He hissed while the Doctor’s finger started to shake.

“You’re always such a Dad… well Mum right now. Never mind, you were a wonderful parent and you still would be.”

The Doctor’s eyes were basically glowing when she looked at him. And for first time in a long time the Master knew for sure that she would punch him right into the face if he said another wrong word.

So, he carefully shoved her away and unlocked the door with a few clicks.

The Doctor let herself drop back a little bit but when he finally reached the door she was back by his side with a glaring stare in her eyes. She looked terrifying.

“Sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

She didn’t even turn towards him and the Master sighed before he entered the console room.

The four aliens looked in shock at him. The man with the green ears reacted the fasted, freed himself from his seat belt and reached for his gun.

The Master rolled his eyes, pulled the Doctor (who was still wearing his jacket) towards him and pulled his TCE out of his pocket.

“Don’t you dare.”

He smiled darkly at him, but the man only snorted.

“And what’s that supposed to be?”

“Master!” He heard the Doctor’s waring voice, but he ignored her.

“Your ship is going to burn up in the next minutes if you don’t rearrange the angle!”

The Doctor tried from behind, but nobody was listening to her.

“You want to end up as dust?” The Master asked instead, nodding toward the display which clearly blinked in alarm.

“Because I can tell you, it’s not worth it. Hurts like hell, so. STEP. AWAY!”

He screamed the last words and the aliens flinched. Only the man with the gun shook his head.

“New instructions. The planet shifted, the angle changed.”

“I’m sorry?” The Master snorted and started to speak the same time as the Doctor. “A planet can’t just _shift_.” They said in unison, but while the Doctor sounded merely annoyed, the Master was close to screaming.

“Orders from the boss. Now. Step back or I shoot.”

The gun barrel shifted towards the Doctor.

“I’m going to start with your pretty girlfriend.”

For a moment all the Master could sense were white spots in front of his eyes and the drums in his ears. His fingers moved intuitive and when the world started shifting back into the right dimensions a tiny figure was floating through the air.

The shrunken man was still holding his gun in death and the remaining crew screamed in horror. The Doctor was silent. If he didn’t know she was standing next to him he might not have know she was there. Even her mental walls were pulled up that much, that he couldn’t detect her presence.

The Master’s dark eyes turned towards the frightened aliens.

“Anyone else?!” He screamed and they shook their heads in panic.

“Then move away. NOW!”

The remaining crew fled out of the room, stumbling over each other while they floated uncoordinated through the room, trying their best to reach the door as fast as possible.

The Master gave them no second look, just sat in front of the console, ignoring the Doctor’s glare in his back. Oh, she would hate him for that. The only reason she wasn’t throwing herself screaming at him, was that he was their best chance to save their lives.

Not that she cared much for her own wellbeing, but her little pet was enough for her to tolerate his murder.

The Master didn’t need to see her eyes. He didn’t want to see the disappointment.

Instead he finally found the right switches, unlocked the failed failsafe (someone was sabotaging the rocket, and the stupid crew hadn’t even realised) and pulled the lever until the rocket – just in time – managed to reach the right angle to enter the atmosphere of Sto. 

A terrible creaking let him flinch at the same moment the rocket hit the Stratosphere and the room started to boil instantly.

The Master moaned, blindly reaching for the lever to catch their fall when a sudden jerk hurled his body, head first, out of the seat into the wall.

The Master barely managed a muffled groan, trying to get any hold but the gravity was back, pressing his aching body against the floor and his head was screaming in agony with the sudden pressure.

He needed to get up, he needed to –

The Master flinched, gasping for breath. The rocket was still falling down, and he needed to open the parachute per hand. He hadn’t saved them from burning up just to die in a crash. With another groan he tried to fight against the pressure.

“It’s alright, don’t move.”

He blinked slowly, blurry focusing on the Doctor. She was standing next to the console, hands lay onto the levers.

“I’ve got it under control.”

The Master giggled and might have passed out again because the next time he opened his eyes the motor was howling and the floor was shaking but they clearly weren’t moving anymore.

The Master tried to roll on his side, but his body felt far too heavy.

“Fuck!” He growled and cold hands touched his face.

“Are you alright?”

The Doctor looked worried and he slowly nodded.

“Stupid rocket.” He growled while she tried to pull him back on his feet. But they had been long enough in space for his legs to feel like jelly and the Doctor didn’t seem to certain on her own feet, too.

So, instead of pulling him up, he pulled her down inadvertently. The Doctor landed on his chest and the Master realised that they were both giggling again. Without another thought he closed the remaining gap and kissed her.

The Doctor froze for a moment before she started to kiss him back. It was a much rougher kiss than the one they had shared before and the Master was biting her lip, unsure if he was already drawing blood. But the Doctor didn’t complain, just gripped his hair and pushed him to the ground while her tongue explored his mouth.

She only pulled back when both their respirator bypass systems kicked in and she rested her head onto his chest, both gasping for breath.

The Master chuckled silently.

“What’s wrong?” The Doctor asked calmly.

“Normally you don’t kiss me after I killed someone.”

The Master could feel how tense up her body was suddenly.

“You’re right… You could have just knocked him out… or push him away, you know.”

“Believe me, Doctor, that wouldn’t had worked. Anyway, he did deserve it. Did you see his tattoos? He was a murderer.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. She looked tired.

“And it’s you to judge that?”

“Just admit it, I saved everyone’s life.”

Instead of an answer she kissed him again and the Master thought, that it may not be too bad, if she was still clinging to him.

“I’m not sure what I should feel…”

She admitted calmly after a while, not looking him in his eyes.

“But… I can’t hate you for it.”

Before the Master had any chances to answer small steps draw their attention towards the open door. He was gripping his TCE while the Doctor stumbled back to her feet and he rolled at least to his side, but it was only Leeoran.

“You could have warned me.” He grumbled. “That fall hurt.”

“Oh… sorry, Leeoran.”

She was next to his side while the Master still fought to get to his feet. Finally, he managed to pull himself up and cleared his throat.

“We should leave that rocket before the crew decides to murder us.”

Leeoran’s eyes grew wide but when the Doctor nudged his side his was giggling again. The Master rolled his eyes but deep down he only felt hurt.

They managed to leave the rocket before anyone else found them and the Doctor was glad when they finally stood on Sto’s ground.

She was speaking with Leeoran who was fascinated by the new planet with the different gravity to Arnoc, jumping around to test out how much higher he could get.

“That’s so amazing!”

The Master stole the next vehicle they passed, and the Doctor didn’t protest while he moved them toward the city.

She wasn’t sure how to feel about his action. Yes, he killed this man. Possible a very terrible man, but still – had he really been much more evil than the Master?

Nevertheless, he saved their lives. And even though the Doctor was sure she would have been able to do the same without murder… how could she hate him for doing the right thing. (Because this time she knew that he wasn’t doing it for his own survival.)

She had seen the moment when he had lost control. Total blackout when he just reacted out of rage. Even Koschei had had these freak-outs. And just as he had beat up this student at the academy, after he had insulted Theta, the Master had snapped the same moment the man had pointed his gun at the Doctor.

She didn’t know what she should feel, because he clearly murdered him for her sake. Never mind if she had really been in danger.

When the Doctor had spent 70 years with Missy, he had truly believed, that the Master had changed. And maybe she did. But the Doctor’s friend once had said, her version of good wasn’t absolute. And if she truly tried to change her best friend to become everything that she wanted to be, she might lose the battle. Even if they would spend 1000 years together.

The Doctor was pulled out of her thoughts, when the Master braked abruptly. They had reached a city, but she was too capture in her own mind to work out were exactly they were.

“I’m finding us a place to stay, you two wait!”

The Master explained and the Doctor knew that she could trust him. Maybe, she just wanted to trust him, but a part of her knew, that everything would be alright. 

“Alright, come on Leeoran.”

She guided him to a dark alley so that they wouldn’t be seen at once.

“Now, the adventures begin!” The Doctor explained and smiled at him

“There’re so many, many places I’m going to show you! You will love them!”

But to her surprise, Leeoran was shaking his head.

“I mean, we can make a break at first. And we still need to find my ship, but –“

“No, I’m staying, Doctor.” Leeoran looked straight in her eyes.

“Your friend… He needs you more than I do. And I don’t think that I’m really the best distraction for you now.”

The Doctor stared at the child.

“Leeoran – “ She started slowly. “You aren’t a _distraction_. You’re my friend. And I’m not leaving you alone! You’re a child!”

“I’ve been alone most of my life. I’ll be fine. Promise. And you should fix your relationship with your friend! And I’m the obstacle. It will never work as long you bring someone else in your relationship.”

“Leeoran… you don’t even know him!” The Doctor wasn’t sure if she should be angry, or sad or even worried about his too adult view. He was far too young to think like that.

“I heard you fight. You thought I was asleep. I didn’t understand a word you were saying, but he sounded hurt… and I saw the way he looks at me.”

“You don’t need to be afraid of him!” The Doctor reassured, even though she could promise that the Master wouldn’t attack the boy.

Leeoran merely shrugged his shoulders.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m staying. This is a new planet, I’ve got every chance in the world to start a new life. Thanks to you!”

The Doctor closed her eyes and draw in a heavy breath. Finally, she started to speak:

“I’ve got a time machine.”

The boy smiled.

“I bet you do.”

Possible, he wasn’t believing her, but the Doctor just explained more.

“I can come back, years later for me, and pick you up only five minutes later for you.”

Leeoran smiled shyly but shrugged his shoulders.

“Alright, but you see me again!”

“Tomorrow evening, meet me at the square. I bet this planet has lots of squares.” He repeated the same words she had told him on Arnoc and the Doctor couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m going to miss you, Leeoran.”

The boy looped his arms around her, and the Doctor flinched slightly. Nope, still not a fan of hugging. Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling she still hugged him back.

Leeoran wiggled out of her grip, smiled at her with so much joy in his eyes, and disappeared into next alley. The Doctor looked back after him, an empty feeling in her chest.

His decision might have been really clever of him, it might even save his life, but the Doctor couldn’t help but wish to meet Leeoran again. Someday.

She wondered if she would ever do that. She still forced every thought of her fam away. Would she really come back for a child she only knew for a few days?

The Doctor forced her mind to stop thinking about any of her friends and walked towards the Master who waved to her.

“Bet what, Doctor.” He grinned at her but all she managed was a weak smile.

“Found us a place to stay. Where’s the kid?”

She swallowed hard. “Leeoran wants to stay.”

The Master raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Never mind, tell me about that place.”

“Oh, found that arrogant idiot, filthy stinking rich, and _convinced_ him we were robbed. He’s our best chance for getting to the Tardis. And he invited us to a party.”

“Sounds nice, this guy.” The Doctor sighed.

“Oh, I bet he’s unbearable, but we never said no to a party, did we? And Rickston Slide is known to make incredible parties since he survived the Titanic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested, I used the re-entry angle of earth (ideal 6,5°, with a tolerance of plus/minus 0,5°). I hope I used the right words for the physics and didn’t explain something terrible wrong.
> 
> (I probably won’t have the time to post a chapter next week...)


	25. The Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for my long silence! I hope you’re still there… As an excuse, nearly 5k words this time.   
> I hope you enjoy!

It took the Doctor a few moments to recognise the man who greeted them with a big fake smile.

“Rickston Slade!“ She said loud and interrupted the Master‘s probably really serious conversation with their host.

“Oh, yes, no need to blush, madame.”

The Doctor could hear the Master giggle in her head, and it took her quite an effort not to roll her eyes. And she definitely wasn’t _blushing_!

“No, but I know you! Met you at the Titanic!” 

Slade squinted his eyes. “I’m sure I would remember you.”

He gave her a pitiful look.

“But I was there, I –“

“Please excuse my wife. She’s terrible disturbed from the attack.”

“I am not – wait, what?! I’m not –“

The Master covered her mouth in a swift motion.

“My poor darling, so easily confused, she’s not quite herself. I would really appreciate if we could rest.”

The Doctor tried to bite the Master, but he pulled his hand away and gave her a hard shove against her consciousness that her world was spinning for a moment and she staggered against him. Slade’s look became even more pitiful.

“Oh, yes, yes of course, I’m sorry. I will provide you with a suitable room and clothes for the parties, so that you can changes these rags.”

Slades eyes wandered over the Doctor’s shirt and if her head wouldn’t be spinning that much, she might had growled at him.

“That’s too kind of you.”

The Doctor wondered if only she could hear the clearly mocking in the Master’s voice, but then again, he was known to be absolutely charming.

The moment the door closed behind them, the Doctor tried to shove the Master as far away as she could manage. It turned out, that it wasn’t that far, because he spun her around and slammed her against the wall.

The Master was grinning widely and if she hadn’t been so angry, she might had rolled her eyes.

“Why would you tell him I’m your _wife_?”

“Oh come on, Doctor, don’t be a spoilsport. This whole planet is full of humans.”

“And Zoccis!” growled the Doctor. “And that doesn’t answer my question!”

“Should I have told him the truth? Since you clearly met him before, he would have thought we lost our minds. Well, he thinks that of you anyway.” He chuckled.

“Would it be so hard to tell him, that you’re my brother?”

The Master burst out laughing.

“Have you looked in the mirror, recently, love?”

The Doctor frowned. “I don’t think so…” she mumbled but the Master only sighed. “Rhetorical question, I know that you didn’t, but you must have realised, that we don’t look like siblings, at all.”

He went quiet for a moment.

“You could have said we’re adopt– “

“I know that you know. You left me to the Nazis, slamming my perception filter, you _knew_ , what you were doing!”

His cheerful mood changed to anger that fast, that the Doctor was lost for words for a moment. When she finally found her voice, all she managed was a whispered “Sorry”.

But the Master was shaking his head and the she knew that, whatever she said, it would only make him angrier.

“I was angry… I know it wasn’t right.” She whispered and went to the bathroom before he had a chance to answer.

The Doctor – never able to sit still for long – used to rush her showers most of the times. So much to do, so many people to save, new planets to discover.

But right now, she felt as if the world was falling on her shoulders, pressing her to the ground where she sat and let the hot water drops fall on her curled body.

_Am I a good man?_ She had asked Clara. And O. But the Master didn’t count in that. Right now, the Doctor was quite sure about the answer, and it was the _no_ that would her sprint out of her Tardis’ doors and save planet after planet to convince herself, that the answer didn’t matter.

But how could it be _good_ in any way what she had done to the Master that day on the Eifel tower? How could she have missed his death wish?

_So no, she probably was a horrible person._

At least she was able to find some suitable clothes in the wardrobe. It was a fight to several dresses and trousers that didn’t fit in the slightest until she found a suit that resembled the one her tenth self used to wear all the time.

The Doctor ran her hand over the pinstripes, smiling in memories of a long-gone time, and added a bowtie when the Master stormed in the room.

The yellow makeshift bandage was finally gone, and his fingers were as good as new. The Doctor was glad to see, that it had healed that well.

The Master’s hair was wet on his forehead and she had the childish urge to brush it away.

“Hi.”

The Master shook his head.

“Doctor, you can’t be serious.”

“What have I done wrong this time?”

The Master laughed. “It’s fascinating, after all these years… now, get out of that suit, Doctor!”

“No, definitely not!” She protested but the Master rolled his eyes.

“It’s a _party_.”

The Doctor silently aped the Master’s word and – to her own surprise – let the jacket fall to the ground where it landed with a silent thump.

And yes, maybe she was tired of hurting him, just for once wanted to see him smile. Maybe, all the Doctor wanted was to see Koschei in his eyes.

The Master shook his head.

“You will never change?” But the corner’s of his mouth were twitching. He pointed to her shirt.

“And now that _embarrassing_ shirt.”

“Talking about the subject… You still owe me _appropriated_ rainbow clothes.” The Doctor mocked but the Master started grinned.

“Oh, you will see, Doctor.” And a part of her jumped in excitement at his words. Because, maybe, just for once –

She rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt over her head. When she finally managed to see get it past her eyes the Master was staring at her.

“What?” She hissed, suddenly annoyed.

But he was giggling and his eyes wandered over her body and the Doctor followed his gaze.   
She wore no bra.

“Oh, come on. It was a busy day!”

The Master only laugh even harder.

“I’m sure I have a bra in some of my pockets, besides my shirt has fitted support. And I forget it most of the times anyway. It’s not so easy to remember it if you haven’t done it for the past three thousand years!”

The Master was gasping for air, tears of laugher in his eyes.

“What’s so funny? You’re acting as if everyone in the universe wears a bra.”

Her friend was shaking his head, finally able to talk, still laughing.

“It’s not that. Your _look_. As if you couldn’t care less. A Gallifreyan who just bares herself like that –“

He was laughing again but the Doctor, still just _slightly_ confused, frowned.

“You’re my friend.”

The Master choked on his next laugher. Suddenly, he was very silent, his eyes glaring and tear streaks on his cheeks.

“Doctor…?”

Before he had a chance to think much further and possible throw a fit, she pulled him in her arms, one hand behind his neck and forced him to look her in the eyes.

“Koschei.”

She whispered quietly and he leaned forward until their foreheads touched. His eyes fluttered shut but the Doctor was watching his face while their minds started mingling together.

He looked sad, but beautiful. Her free hand and started to trace his facial contours, moving over his beard, over his cheekbones until she reached his closed eyes and retraced his eyebrows and eyelids.

Their minds were barely touching each other, just carefully touching their surface and it was the most calming feeling the Doctor had in years.

She couldn’t remember when they had started kissing, because she felt strangely bodyless, all she could sense was _Koschei_.

They stumbled to the ground, the Master’s back pressed to a wall and she was straddling him, finger clumsily opening his collar buttons to expose his neck.

The Master was mourning in protest, when she pulled away but quickly gripped her hair when the Doctor started to place kisses onto his exposed collarbone.

The Master mourned again, this time in pleasure, one of his hands still in her hair while his other hand started to trace her breast.

The Doctor nearly bit the Master when he did _something_ with his hand which send shivers through her whole body and she groaned in pleasure.

“Master!” She gasped and he pushed her on her back while hovering over her.

The Doctor gripped his waistcoat and pulled him down and his hands roamed over her, tickling her over the ribs and she squirmed under his touch.

The Master was grinning, pupils dilated with lust when he bent over and started sucking her neck.

“Koschei…” She mourned and could feel him grin. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“You like that?” He asked teasing, biting her collarbone. Instead of an answer the Doctor turned her head until she exposed her throat.

She could feel him smile on her skin where he was using his teeth at delicate skin. A whining sound escaped her throat and the Doctor was shocked that this body was able to make noises like that.

The Master’s fingers tickled down her body, and she was squinting under his touch, buckling her hips which made him chuckle.

He mumbled something on her neck, but she was too consumed by pleasure to understand his words.

And she was thinking about long gone days. About Koschei’s breath on her neck, his clumsy first tries of kissing in a field of red grass. About secret kisses and hands over mouths to hide their laugher. About his eyes and the way, she could always see her friend, his _innocent_. Until one day she saw nothing but the Master in Koschei’s eyes.

She saw O, his traitorous lovesick smile, the way he looked at her and – _“Doctor, look at you. So stunning”_ – Gallifrey. Gallifrey burning. Smoke burning in her lungs, ash clouding her sighted and everyone _dead._

The Master’s fingers found the waistband of her trousers, still oblivious about the Doctor’s sudden horror, but something about the way his hands tickled her hipbone let her go stiff under his touch.

Gallifrey. Burning, burning, burning. _Again._ After all the pain. And he took it from her, _again._

“Doctor?”

He had stopped at sudden, flushed face but concerned eyes looking up at her.

But all she could do was stare at him in horror. How could she be fooled by this deep brown eyes when she didn’t even know if he would snap any second now, ceasing another planet of existence, and all she could think about was his smile and the way –

All at sudden she was sitting again, pushing the Master away, shaking.

“Doctor, what’s wrong?”

But how could she blame him for it?

“I don’t… I… sorry.”

She stammered, close to tears, because the realisation hit. The realisation that, whatever she did, the Master would never stop being the one who had destroyed Gallifrey again.

Cool hands touched her shoulders and the Doctor flinched but allowed the Master to pull him in his arms.

It wasn’t his fault. It couldn’t be his fault. She didn’t want it to be his fault.

Because her war crimes were so much worse than everything he could ever do.

The Master wasn’t exactly sure how he ended up with a shaking, far too quiet Doctor in his arms.

He had thought that she was enjoying herself, until one moment she wasn’t. He could still feel his skin tickling where she kissed him, touched him but now she was a trembling pile of miserable in his arms and all the building up arousal was gone at once.

“Doctor?”

She wasn’t even crying, just unmoving in his arms and it felt as if he could do anything to her and she wouldn’t even fight back.

“Doctor!”

He turned her head, until she looked at him and the Master could see the horror in her eyes, the fear of something he couldn’t even start to understand.

“ ’M sorry…” She whispered and the Master felt something drop in his stomach. Too gently for his own liking he stroked through her hair until the trembling seemed to disappear at least a little bit.

“I always said you would look stunning with a braid, what do you think, Doctor?”

She looked at him in confusion which left him grinning smugly.

“Come on, love. I’m going to show you how to dress properly!”

The Doctor didn’t fight him when he pulled her upwards a distorted smile on her face as if she had lost control about her expression. The Master guided her to the grand sized bed and gently pushed her down before he disappeared in the wardrobe to find something that would flatter her body.

When he came back to her the empty look in her eyes was gone, replaced by an exhaustion even sleep couldn’t help with. Not, that she was actually tired, she had slept for hours just recently.

“Look what I found, love!”

The Master laid the pile of things on the bed and picked up the dress he found. The Doctor’s eyes got wide and the Master couldn’t help but grin.

“You can’t be serious! I’m not wearing that!”

She protested and to his relief she sounded nearly as annoying as always.

“Yes, my dear, you will! I won’t let you walk around like a clown!”

“But I –“

“Didn’t you see the way Slade looked at you?! Don’t give him this satisfaction!”

The Master could see in her eyes, that he had won and smiled at her.

He laid the dress down and picked up the next item he had found. The Doctor buried her face in her hands.

“Leave me alone, Koschei!” She growled but the Master waited until she lifted her head.

“Did you ever wear something else but your sports bra?”

“It was hard enough to find that one…” The Doctor mumbled and the Master grinned again.

“Well, I would say it’s time to try another bra, don’t you think?”

The Doctor shook her head and stared in horror at him.

“All these straps… I don’t even know how to close it with the fastening on my back!”

“Well, my dear Doctor, it’s great that you have me.”

This time she actually smiled.

“This one time, Koschei, just this once!”

The Master grinned. “You will look absolutely stunning!”

The Doctor rolled her eyes and made him laugh even more.

The Master learned really fast that giving him the permission to dress her didn’t mean that the Doctor would stop complaining.

“It’s pricking!” She grumbled while the Master closed the bra and gently brushed his finger’s over her back. She had had scars before the outburst of regeneration energy, but they had disappeared as well as his had done.

Carefully he his hands moved over her back, rearranging the straps and brushing over more skin than necessary. The Doctor was still under his touch, but he could feel her breath hitch.

“Isn’t too bad, is it?”

Silently, she shook her head.

“Well, then, let’s try these pants.”

The Doctor’s look of horror was back. The Master grinned darkly.

“Oh no, I am _not_ wearing that!”

The Master chuckled.

“Oh yes, my dear, you will.”

He used the accent he had used all these years ago to fool her pet. Bill. The memories about this time reappeared after his last regeneration and suddenly this characterless woman had become someone he had actually know. And honestly, the Master still wasn’t sure how to cope with that knowledge.

He shook his head to push these thoughts aside and focused on the Doctor’s expression.

“Oh, come on. You can’t wear your boxers in that dress.”

“I’m not going to wear that dress.”

“Oh yes, dear Doctor, you definitely are going to wear that dress.”

The Doctor growled at him, gripped a pillow and threw it in his direction. The Master only chuckled.

“You’re such a child. Use this stunning body of yours and don’t hide it under a tone of rags!”

“I like my clothes!” She protested, throwing the next pillow and he pranced aside.

“We already had this discussion, love. Out of your trousers. Now.”

The Doctor rolled her eyes but actually did what he asked her to do. The Master raised an eyebrow.

“Well, that was easy.”

“Don’t start.”

The Master grinned even wider when she – alright, with disgust in her eyes – put on the pants.

“It’s not too bad, is it?”

“Yes. It is! You can’t run in these!”

He rolled his eyes.

“Doctor, you won’t run!”

“You never now, you know, when I met Rickston Slade for the first time I didn’t expect to run either. It was a cruise liner-[spaceship](https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Spaceship) and –“

“Doctor, stop.”

She looked at him with wide eyes, her mouth still half open as if she would continue rambling every moment now.

“You look stunning.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! It’s you we’re talking about. You don’t just say things like that!”

The Master sighed, pulled her upwards and walked with her towards the mirror on the wardrobe.

As soon as the Doctor realised what he was doing, she started to struggle in his grip.

“No, what are you doing? Stop!”

He gripped both her shoulders and pushed her in front her own reflection.

“Doctor!”

But she was shaking her head, eyes tightly pressed together.

“I hate mirrors. You know I hate mirrors. Not today!”

The Master started to loosen his grip, instead carefully rubbing her shoulders.

“I don’t want you to look in your eyes. Look at your body.”

“Why?” She mumbled, still shaking her head.

“Just look, love.”

“Not today, Koschei, I don’t want to –“

It was unusual, that the Doctor only used his childhood name that often and a feeling was creeping up his chest, that something he did as _the Master_ had thrown her off.

Because normally she would at least try to let him believe everything was alright, brush her unease away with a fake smile and grin at her reflection with bowed eyes, just to show him, that everything was perfectly alright.

“Why?” She asked with with a weak voice.

He drew little circles on her shoulders, sighing.

“I want you to look at your reflection and tell me what you see – just your body!” The Master hesitated for a moment. “Please.”

It was his plea that made her open her eyes carefully, gaze towards the floor, slowly lifting until she must see her body.

She was quiet, so much like a child, like innocent Theta.

“What do you think, love?”

“It’s different…”

“Good different or bad different?”

A little smile appeared on her face.

“Good. Not like me. But good.”

“You look stunning. Say it.”

“Koschei…” The Doctor whined.

“Look at your body not as your own but another woman’s. You know how that worked. Remember how you used to look at me when I was Missy?”

The Doctor turned around and unexpectedly kissed him quickly. When she sank back on her feet, she was blushing, her nervous fiddling fingers rested on his neck.

The Master laughed.

“Theta, you’re incredible!”

“Hope that’s a compliment?”

He only laughed, took her hand and guided her back to the bed where he picked up the dress.

“No, I –“

“Doctor love, don’t you think this would look incredible on the body you just saw?”

She shrugged her shoulders, her fingers nervously twitching.

“I take that as a yes.”

“Just this once!”

The Master smiled smugly.

“We’ll see about that.”

He held the dress so that she would be able to step in. The Doctor hesitated only for a few moments, before she rolled her eyes and did what he asked her to do.

It was obvious that she had no idea what to do next. The Master couldn’t help but giggle while she tried to pull the dress up as if it was trousers.

“It’s supposed to go _over_ your hip.” He laughed. “Give me your hands.”

“It never looked so complicated when you wore your dress…” The Doctor grumbled while he closed the zipper on her side.

For a moment the situation reminded the Master of his daughter and how he had to help her in this dress–

He pushed the memory with a stressed smile away and focused on the Doctor’s clumsy tries to straighten the skirt.

“Let me do that, dear.”

She rolled her eyes but didn’t protest any further, not even when he pushed her on the bed until she was sitting again.

“What are you doing, now?” She groaned.

“Oh, didn’t I mention?” The Master chuckled. “We definitely need to do your hair.”

The Doctor should have known the Master’s plan the moment he started the whole process of choosing her clothes.

But now he was pulling out of his pockets all kinds of _things_ he had used as Missy. And only half of it was for doing hair.

“What are you doing?”

“You said just this once, need to exhaust the possibilities, don’t you think?”

“Koschei.”

“Hush.”

The Doctor had watched Missy long enough to recognise makeup products.

“I never said yes to all of this.” She grumbled but a part of the Doctor couldn’t help but hide her grin, because the person in front of her didn’t feel like the Master anymore but was Koschei in all his facets.

And yes, she _might be_ enjoying it. Only a little bit.

Her fingers carefully stroked the skirt of the dress. It was red and felt a little bit slimy under her touch. Apart from that the Doctor wasn’t sure how exactly she was looking at the moment.

“Alright, love, I promised you a braid, didn’t I?”

This time the Doctor actually smiled.

“Yes, you did.”

“Alright, hold this.”

He pressed a few hair pins in her hands.

“Be careful, a few of them are TCEs.”

The Doctor frowned, observing the little pins and turned her head towards an annoyed Master.”

“Hold still, I’m trying to comb your hair.”

“You’re joking?”

“No, I’m not. Now. Hold. Still.”

The Doctor forced herself to remain still, but her mind couldn’t accept the fact, that he was telling the truth. “No, seriously, you can’t be serious!”

“Come on, Doctor, don’t underestimate me!”

Without turning her head, she knew that he was grinning, obviously enjoying himself.

“Your hair pins?!”

“Not all of them. And my hat pins, too. You need to take advantage of everything, my dear.”

The way the Master was talking, chuckling, obviously grinning, reminded her all at sudden about his time as Missy.

He wasn’t lying.

“But…

“Always told you, that I could have shrunken the egg. You never believed me.”

The Doctor spluttered nervously. She had never realised the danger Nardole had been in.

The next moment her thoughts were back with the Master who just pulled painfully on her hair.

“Ow!”

“Not my fault, that you never comb your hair.”

After that the Master seemed to be more careful what confused the Doctor even more. The Master didn’t seem to act like himself… he was far too nice to her.

But whatever it was, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his hands over her scalp. It felt weird to feel her hair that pressed to her head but apart from her started to wish for a mirror to see what the Master was doing.

The sensation got even weirder when the Master _sank on his knees_ in front of her to apply something on her face.

“Hold still.” He explained with a concentrated expression and the Doctor stared in disbelieve at him.

The realisation, that he wasn’t even aware, what he was doing, gave him the same innocent he had had in their youth. He must be really enjoying himself if he didn’t realise that he was _kneeling_.

“What are you staring at?” The Master asked annoyed; but the Doctor only shook her head (and annoyed him even more.) Maybe, one day she would use this knowledge to tease him, but right now it felt irreal nice to have her best friend back as he was supposed to be.

“Close your eyes, nearly done.” He mumbled and something thick was applied on the Doctor’s eyelids. Her whole face was itching and tickling, but she forced her twitching fingers to remain in her lap.

“Alright, done. You look great.”

The Master, still on the floor, grinned at her.

“Now, the last detail.”

“Last detail?” The Doctor askes suspicious.

“Shoes.”

He took two shoes she hadn’t realised before. Immediately, the Doctor started to protest.

“Koschei, they have _heels._ ”

The Master laughed. “No, they don’t! Except, you like heels.”

“Not on me!”

“Well, you’re not wearing your boots!”

Without waiting for another reaction, he took her foot and put it on. The second one followed shortly after. It felt weird, really unstable and the Doctor was sure that she couldn’t _run_ with them.

“Come on, love.”

The Master gripped her hand and pulled her upwards so that the Doctor could actually see the golden shoes she was wearing. He might be right, these shoes didn’t look like the high heels River used to wear. Not even the one’s Missy had worn. Still, the Doctor nearly lost her hold and only managed to steady herself on the Master.

And realised something. Suddenly, the heels weren’t that bad, and the Doctor was grinning widely.

“I’m taller than you!” She explained gleeful.

The Master’s smug look turned into annoyance.

“Oh.”

This time, it was the Doctor’s turn to laugh at him while he guided her to the mirror.

She was still laughing that hard (the Master had at one point started to grin) that she missed the moment she stood in front of the mirror.

The Doctor’s eyes grew wide because the woman in front of her wasn’t her at all.

The stranger wore a long red dress with a wide ribbon around her waist and laced upper part of a flower-like pattern to just above her elbows. The skirt was floor length and of a flowing material which flattered the stranger’s hairstyle. Her blond hair was braided to the side with a few lose strands of hair curled around her face. 

Her face looked different, too. She couldn’t really describe what was different, apart from the red on her eyelids and the lipstick, but it was different. And beautiful.

She looked stunning, as the Master had promised.

A quick look to the eyes told the Doctor, that the Warrior was still looking back. And there she was too, Daughter of Mine, but the Doctor forced her eyes back on the stranger in her reflection.

“And?” She heard the Master’s voice. To her surprise, all the Doctor could think about, was “It looks like a Time Lord robe.”

She turned around to the Master who frowned.

“It’s missing the gold. Well, apart, from the shoes.”

The Doctor could see that she was giving him an idea.

“But I can do something about that!” He explained with excitement, walking towards his purple jacket, and pulled something out of the pocket.

The Doctor frowned, and looked at him, suddenly feeling very tired. “I thought you think I’m not a Time Lord.” The Master didn’t seem to hear her.

“Catch, Doctor.”

He threw something golden towards her. She caught it only the hold two gloves in her hands.

“I’m not really into gloves, you know…”

“And you’re not really into dresses or make up or hairstyle. And yet you wear it.”

“Like I said, this _once._ ” The Doctor would never tell him, that she was actually enjoying his attention.

She put the golden gloves on, which ended at her wrist, and took a quick look in the mirror again.

“I look like you.” The Doctor realised all at sudden. She looked exactly like the Master would dress. (And she always loved his style.) The Master cocked his head.

“Hmm… I think you’re right. I’ve always been stunning, don’t you think, love?”

And the Doctor couldn’t help but laugh.


	26. Ginger

To be honest – yes, she might be a _little_ (just a little) jealous of the Master’s suit. While the Doctor was still stumbling around the room, trying to find her balance in these shoes, the Master dressed in speed tempo and still managed to look far too stunning in his simple black suit.

This wasn’t fair.

“Ready Doctor?” He asked and straightened his _purple_ tie.

“How did you manage that?” She asked, pointing at the ominous tie.

“I have a sense of style, Doctor.” He replied dryly. The Doctor let her eyes wander to his yellow dotted socks and laughed.

“Oh, for sure, Koschei.”

The Master rolled his eyes and held out his arm.

“I am most definitely _not_ doing that!”

As dignifying as she could manage with these shoes and this dress, she tried to make her way towards the door, only to stumble again. The Master caught her, laughing.

“I think that’s exactly what you’re doing, love.”

“Oh, great.” The Doctor groaned. “You win.”

The Master grinned. “I always win. Didn’t you realise that yet?”

Even though she knew that he meant it as a joke, the Doctor couldn’t help but remember his dying body in her arms and all that _pain._ She forced the memory away, her mind trying to distract her as fast as possible, coming with the next unease topic.

“The Cyberium.”

The Master turned around, the joy in his eyes was gone at once.

“What about it? As far as I remember you stuffed it in your coat which is in my jacket.”

“Yes. The jacket on the floor. We can’t leave it here!”

The Master rolled his eyes, but his expression remained hard.

“And I’m not planning on leaving that jacket. Relax, Doctor. I promise you nobody is going to steal your precious _Cyberium._ ” He spat the last word.

“I’m worried… for you too.” The Doctor confessed, eyes on the floor.

“Please. Doctor. I want to have fun.”

Without another word he pulled her out of the room and towards the corridors of Slades mansion.

After that the Doctor had no time to think about the angry AI in her pocket. Not while she struggled to keep pace with the Master without breaking her ankles.

She was swearing the whole time and the Doctor could swear that the Master was enjoying her outburst whining.

“Seriously. How did you do that?!”

“I don’t run. Doctor. Now, shut up.”

Oh yes. He _was_ enjoying himself. After that it didn’t seem to stop.

The lovely couple (until they weren’t lovely anymore) who praised the Master for his _charming wife_ but before the Doctor could open her mouth in protest, he pulled her with a quick excuse towards the dance floor.

“Stop. I don’t want to dance!” The Doctor growled. “If you insist on telling everyone I’m your wife you could at least offer me a drink!”

All the Master did was to laugh.

“Let’s dance dear. Be glad I’m not dragging you to our dear Slade there.”

The Doctor followed his gaze, catching a quick look before the Master pulled her around.

“Don’t look!”

“I don’t like how he’s looking at me!” The Doctor explained between gritted teeth.

“Oh, don’t worry. He only wonders what happened to that raggedy mad woman.”

The Doctor pushed the Master’s hand away that started to slide down her waist.

“Oh, come on. It’s waltz. It’s from _Earth_.” He used the name of the planet as if that would explain anything and slide his hand back again.

This time she allowed it with rolling eyes. “Since when do you know so much about Earth?”

The Master laughed. “I think, at this point, love, I’ve spent more time there than you have.” He sighed. “And poor Lucy loved that stupid dance. You have no idea how many formality dances are expected from an ascending Prime Minister.” 

“You were a rubbish Prime Minister.”

“At least better than _The President of the Earth._ ” He mocked. “Did you really think you could make me jealous?”

All the Doctor did was to smirk. And step on his feet.

The Master growled silently.

“Doctor, behave!”

She squinted to the floor to step on his feet again. The Master cursed.

“You’re doing the wrong steps.” She explained innocently, slightly grinning.

The Master laughed darkly. “Oh, that’s what you’re playing. Well than, use your clever brain and reverse your steps. It’s not that difficult.”

The Doctor snorted. “I don’t want to!” She explained sulking. Yes, she might have too much fun, pretending she couldn’t do exactly what he told her. It wouldn’t take her any effort at all but somehow this childlike arguing reminded her of dance floors on Gallifrey.

Today, she wanted to be the same weird Theta Sigma that fell in love with Koschei.

“Why?” She moaned. Was she exaggerating it? The Master’s twitching eyelids seemed to suggest that.

“You already know the steps of the female part. Why can’t you dance it?”

The Master sighed annoyed.

“You might have realised, love, that I’m a _man_.”

“Oh, shut up. We don’t think like that. And don’t start using the humans as excuse!”

He opened his mouth, the Doctor stepped on his feet again and the Master shoved her against the couple next to them.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, my _wife_ can’t dance.” He explained the annoyed couple with charming voice.

The Doctor gritted her teeth only repeat the previous action, the moment the couple was away.

“I’m not your wife!” The Doctor hissed but the Master only smirked.

“That’s not funny!”

But he was still grinning, playfully trying to kiss her but she turned her head away, guiding her hand to his hip. She stared into his eyes and the Master chuckled quietly. The Doctor could see how he rolled his eyes and grinned smugly. She knew when she had won.

“Would you give me that dance, my dear Lord Theta?”

The Master asked with a sighed out of nowhere. “You lead.”

“Oh, of course, my Lord Koschei. With pleasure.”

To pretend that their dancing style got any better would be a lie. At least the Master didn’t care about the appalled looks when she spun him around. Instead, he was _laughing_. Not this manic, desperate laughing she heard far too often, but a real joyful laughing.

It had been so long since she last saw him laugh like that.

“What are you staring at?” He asked, still smiling.

“I’m remembering that moment.”

She kissed him, surprised by her own action and the Master chuckled on her lips.

_Why can’t it be always like that?_ She whispered in his mind.

The Master sighed, still kissing her. _You wouldn’t love me like that. You would forget I exist._

The Doctor deepened their kiss. _You know I wouldn’t. And you just confessed that I love you._

After that they danced in a tight embrace around the room, foreheads pressed together. And somehow it felt like home.

“Thought you wanted a drink?” The Master whispered with hoarse voice and the Doctor nodded in agreement.

“Drink. Definitely.” She linked arms with him. “And I want to get drunk.”

She acted like she had in her youth and the Master loved her for it. He was playing her act (even though he knew that it had long gone stopped to be an act). Not, that he was innocent little Koschei again. Only the Doctor’s best friend. And that was enough.

“Let’s see if they got anything with ginger.”

It turned out that they hadn’t. All he could do was to ‘persuade’ the bar keeper to give them a bottle of hypervodca. If they would drink it fast enough it might work for a while.

That Doctor wasn’t happy about his idea.

“I don’t want to concentrate on staying drunk.” She whined before her eyes lit up all at sudden and she was rushing out of his grip and stumbling though the crowd.

“Where’re you going?” He called after her, but the Doctor ignored him. He needed to confess that, even though she couldn’t really walk in her shoes she was still able to run.

More or less. With her dress pulled up.

The Master grinned. Somehow this whole disaster seemed to turn into something quite nice. As long as the Doctor wasn’t making new friends.

Because where was she?!

The Master could feel the passage of time, moving around him, around these stupid humans and, moving and moving and moving and moving. Still. No Doctor.

“That’s just ridiculous!” He growled and started to search her in the corridors.

No success.

Frustrated leaned against a randomly placed table with appetisers and started to eat his way through it. Thinking about eating… when had he last eaten anything?!

Honestly, the Master couldn’t remember.

The next moment he was nearly knocked over by a fast-moving red something.

“Doctor!” The Master growled and gripped her arm.

“Stop running in the dress. You ruin everything!” Thankfully everything seemed to be in the right place, yet.

“Where have you been?” The Master asked, crowding the Doctor towards the wall. To his surprise, she was smiling widely.

“In the kitchen. Oh, I love the kitchen. And the staff is so nice. You should really meet them… or better not. It’s you and –“

“Doctor!”

“Oh, yes, sorry. What?”

“What have you done in the kitchen?”

“You said you wanted to get drunk without constantly reminding your body to not metabolism the alcohol. So…”

“Actually, it was _you_ who said that!” He explained annoyed.

“Yes, but _you_ thought it, too!” Her eyes were sparkling. “Anyway… Found us this.”

The Doctor grinned and showed him the ginger in her outstretched hand. The Master couldn’t help but grin too.

“Oh, oh, but Doctor. I wasn’t sure if you still got it in you.” He paused for a moment. “You stole it?”

“Yeah.” She grinned.

“You stole the ginger?” He started giggling. “I’ve totally forgotten what a remarkable stupid thief you can be. I’ve bet they’ve got something else with ginger, too.” The Doctor’s annoyed look changed until she was giggling with him.

“So, want to share?”

The other guests who walked past them must have thought that they lost they mind. The Master couldn’t take them amiss, after all it wasn’t usual to find two giggling persons under a table eating ginger and sharing a bottle of hypervodca.

After a while, he even stopped caring about their shaking heads and disbelieving looks and made bets with the Doctor what face the next person would make.

The Master felt like a child. And it was good.

It was only when the Doctor’s giggling started to cease and she gave him this worried look, that the atmosphere was tipping over.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, glad that he wasn’t slurring yet. Hopefully.

The Doctor cocked her head and watched him with glazed eyes.

“Did you really wanted to die?” She asked, with such a seriousness that didn’t fit their previous fooling.

The Master pretended not to hear her.

“Koschei?” She was already slurring. The combination of the the ginger and the hypervodca might have been to much since they hadn‘t even eaten anything previously.

“Do you still want to die?”

The Doctor gripped his arm painfully hard. “Because you really scared me, and I don’t… don’t… don’t think it was a trick.” She was stumbling over her words, grimacing as if it was hard to form words.

Maybe they were more drunk than the Master had realised.

“Master!”

This time he looked up, looked her in the eyes and nodded slowly.

“I didn’t lie.” The Master pulled the Doctor closer, with the childish need to hold her in his arms, but she wiggled out of his grip.

“My whole life was a lie. Always loved you.” He swallowed hard, unable to look at the Doctor. “But this love was forced on me because of some stupid DNA.”

To his surprise the Doctor started to laugh hysterically. He lifted his head only to see her in a clearly fit of laugher.

“What’s funny?” He asked confused. Because this didn’t felt like the Doctor – laughing after he exposed himself that much in front of her. Never mind that she was drunk. He was drunk too. And he wasn’t laughing.

“Tell me one Time Lord who ever loved me.” She was still laughing. “How can someone that clever be that stupid?” The Doctor nudged him with her finger, and he felt as if she was making fun of him. She _was_ making fun of him.

“You’re ridiculous.” She giggled even more. At least she wasn’t crying again because he was talking about the timeless child. But he wasn’t too sure, if her laugher was better.

“Koschei. If – if you love me because of _DNA_ than… you know… ah… _every Time Lord_ had to be in love with me.”

The realisation that the Doctor was right hit the Master like a struck in the face.

“Oh.”

“That’s your name. It’s a terrible name.”

“Because _‘Doctor’_ is better. Or even worse. _‘John’_ ”

“You’re a really evil person!”

But considering that he was such an evil person she was snuggling really close to him.

“Few things, Doctor.” Okay, now he was slurring too. They shouldn’t have eaten the whole ginger.

“First. Don’t jump in a supernova. Second. Never ever take away my choices!”

“I’ll take them away every time you try to leave me.” The Doctor protested promptly.

“And if you leave me, I’ll jump in a supernova. Your choice. Kos.”

“Why does nobody ever realise, _you’re_ the evil person.”

She laughed in his neck and possible drooling, too. “Doctor. You ruin my suit!”

“Alternative ‘s my dress.”

Clumsily he pulled her away only to find the worried look in her eyes again.

“Doctor we didn’t get drunk to talk about _that!_ ”

“One question. You didn’t answer.”

“If you stop afterwards.” The Master grumbled and wished he had just pulled her back to the dance floor.

“Do you want to die?” The Doctor sounded far too sober while she asked him and his head hurt while thinking about the best answers. In the end he decided to tell the truth.

“Don’t know. Wanted to… But… Not sure anymore.”

The Doctor nodded slowly, the glazed look was back in her eyes. Still, her question sounded too complex for his tired brain. “Why aren’t you sure anymore?”

The Master opened his mouth and knew, that he could never utter theses words.

_Because I felt your love towards me, Doctor. And it wasn’t a lie._

He could never tell it to her.

“I…” He stumbled, searching for words. At least the Doctor didn’t seem suspicious, herself barely able to speak clearly anymore.

“Because I’m not just your next pet.” He whispered eventually and it felt nearly as bad as the unspoken words.

“Because… think I was wrong.” The Master managed to press the words over his lips, but instead of teasing him the Doctor laughed and snuggled closer to him.

“What I saw… all the horrors… it still matters. ‘ll always matter. But whoever you have been… you’re the Doctor, too. My Theta.”

The Master lifted his head to watch the Doctor’s reaction. She looked like a curious child. Like Theta.

“Thanks, Kos.” She mumbled and the Master was glad, that she wasn’t saying more. Hopefully she would never talk about that again. Hopefully they both would have forgotten the conversation in the morning.

“Kos?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to dance.”

And so, they danced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I though about more interactions with the different characters, but this chapter felt as if it belongs to the Master and the Doctor alone. So, that’s the reason why it’s so much focused on them and not about the party around them.


	27. Cupboard

To claim that their dancing style got any better would have been a total lie.

It didn’t feel like dancing for the Master, more like stumbling around, trying to support on a person who was losing her balance too. It was ridiculous.

At least for them. The Master had the slight feeling that they were annoying most of the people around them. Because the other guests gave them suspicious looks.

“If Borusa could see us!”

The Doctor said out of nowhere, chuckling and pulling him back to her.

“Two of his brilliant students drunk completely drunk.”

“‘M not drunk.” The Master protested.

“Yeah, neither am I.”

“Oh yes, dear. You are!” The Master laughed. “You can’t even stand. Certainly not dance.”

As if to prove him wrong the Doctor tried to spin him around. The Master stumbled over his feet, gripped the Doctor to support himself and both of them collided with the person next to them.

The Master raised his hands to show his innocent which was probably working because the Doctor was giggling with her face buried against his shoulder.

“Oh, so sorry, my husband is a terrible dancer. He… no she? Doctor? Anyway, my husband is terrible!” The Doctor was laughing even more, and the guest shook his head in disbelief and left them standing there without another look.

“Did I say something wrong?” The Master had a feeling that he mixed something up. “I did.” He mumbled, pulling the Doctor towards him until she was looking at him.

“Doctor?”

She kept staring at him.

“What’s wrong. Again?”

“You never married me… always wanted to marry you. You said no.” She slurred and know it was his turn to stare at her.

“I would have been a great husband.” The Doctor reinforced her words. “Would have done anything for you.”

Memories tried to pop up. Memories he didn’t want to remember now. There weren’t many ways to escape this storm of a buried, painful past, so the Master did the only remaining escape and kissed the Doctor.

She tasted of ginger and alcohol and it felt like one of their worst kisses ever, but at least it snapped his thoughts back in the presence.

When she pulled away the Doctor grimaced. “You ate too much ginger.”

All he did was to giggle and pulled her into the next corridor. She was stumbling worse than in the beginning and the Master had to slow down if he wanted to prevent her from falling down. He had the feeling, that she wouldn’t stand up that easily if she tripped.

As always, the Doctor proved him wrong when she decided to challenge him to a race.

“Doctor –” He let his blurred gaze wander over her swaying figure and shook his head.

“Oh, come on! This corridor ’s amazing!”

Instead of waiting for an answer, the Doctor gripped his hand and started to run. Well – more like stumbling.

The Master was giggling so much about her ridiculous sight, that he couldn’t help but chase after her. The Doctor grinned in delight, turned around to give him this smug look and sprinted away.

Oh, no. I wouldn’t let her do that!

Still laughing he tried to pass by her but _shit_ she was really fast. And the Doctor had always won all their races. As long as he had played fair.

And he was the Master, he didn’t play fair.

He picked up her pace and in a swift movement he gripped her shoulders and tried to push her behind him.

“Hey! You cheat!”

To his misfortune the Doctor was rather good at cheating too. So, instead of running they pushed each other through the corridor.

Finally, finally he managed to push her behind him, and the Master run forward while the Doctor went down with a choked cry. Something made a terrible snapping noise.

The Master stopped dead in his tracks and turned around slowly only to see the Doctor on the floor, gripping her left shoe.

“Did you break something?” The Master gave the Doctor a suspicious look. “Sounded like your ankle.”

The Doctor was howling at his words. “ _Felt_ like my ankle.” She tried to stand up only to flop back to the floor. (He wasn’t sure if that was the fault of the break alone, though.)

“MASTER!” She howled again. “Your fault, broke my leg.”

He only felt that he needed to giggle. “Nonsense Doctor, don’t exaggerate! Even _if_ you broke something, it’s only your ankle.”

“Only?!”

He growled and pulled her upwards, stumbling with her around. The Doctor was whining in pain and the Master was giggling even though he felt slightly bad and they stumbled around until a wall blocked their way.

“My foot!” The Doctor pulled at his arm. “Ow, want to sit down.”

“Nothing there. Stop making a fuss. ‘s only your ankle. I think.”

Against all the odds the Doctor managed to find something to sit down. Crouching on the floor, occasionally hopping around, until she found a cupboard and decided to sit inside.

The Master was laughing so hard, that he lost his balanced and landed on his bottom.

After that the Doctor couldn’t stop laughing about him.

“Kos, you idiot.”

He crawled towards her, pulling himself to the Doctor’s form and squeezing himself next to her.

“Close the door?” The Master asked with a seriousness and the Doctor didn’t even hesitate.

They sat in the darkness for a few minutes. Or seconds? His time sense was completely off.

Then, they started giggling at the same moment. They laughed so hard, that they were falling over each other, and the Master was hanging over the Doctor’s lap, but he still couldn’t stop for a long while. And neither could the Doctor.

When their laugher finally stopped, it was merely because they needed to breath.

“Did you really break your ankle?” He asked suspicious and felt the Doctor shrug her shoulders.

“Hurts.” She explained.

When the Master tried to touch her foot, she started howling again and he pulled his hand away.

“Sorry.”

He could feel the Doctor’s eyes on him. “You apologise?”

“Stop.” This time the Master intentionally buried his face in her lap but decided quickly that the crook of her neck was even better and the Doctor giggled.

“Tickles…” She mumbled sleepy.

“Don’t sleep!” The Master growled and puller her towards him until they were kissing again. He quite liked kissing her.

“Doctor, think I want to have sex. With you. Now.”

The Doctor froze for a moment only to start chuckling.

“How polite, Lord Koschei.”

The Master growled in annoyance. “I want to fuck you, Doctor.”

This time she pushed his hands away, still giggling.

“In a cupboard?”

“We had worse places!” The Master protested and pulled her closer again. “Remember that time _under_ the bed?”

He only managed to make her laugh again. “Come on, Doctor!”

“My foot hurt, ’m wearing a dress, we’re in a cupboard, we’re probably drunk, and I’ve never even touched myself in this body. Bad plan. Not now.”

The Master needed a moment to process her words. “You’re weird, Theta.” He finally managed. “When I regenerated into my female body, I tried _everything_.”

The Doctor chuckled. “I know.”

Maybe their minds were linked together without them realising or the Master just imagined that she too, was thinking about that time in her Tardis console, after his reveal as Missy, when the Doctor’s hadn’t been quite as angry as his poor pet Clara had thought.

It had been the Master’s first time in this new body but he – she at this time – could tell, that it had been the Doctor’s, too.

It was only fair to repeat it now.

“You must like sex, it’s called _making love._ That’s exactly what you do.”

He tried but the Doctor only sighed, she sounded tired, but the Master couldn’t be sure in the darkness.

“You can’t make _love_ , Kos.” She leaned closer on him. “All we ever do is fuck because of hatred or passion or even comfort. But nothing about having sex with you had ever been about gentleness or love”

“Not true. I can do it!” Somehow, he felt offended by her words and the Master couldn’t even tell why.

“Yeah…” The Doctor mumbled. “Long ago.”

The Master knew nothing he could say to that and buried his head back in the Doctor’s neck who – to his total surprise – started to stroke is hair.

“You know, there’s a human game I always wanted to play, can we try?”

The Master only grunted as an answer. To his regret she took it as a yes.

“It’s called ‘Clever have I ever’ and –“

The Master started to giggle that hard, that even the Doctor’s body shook with him.

“What’s funny?”

“I believe it’s called ‘Never Have I Ever’”

“That’s what I said.”

The Master laughed even more. “I bet you don’t know the rules.”

“I do!” She protested and he nearly lifted his head to see the Doctor’s sulking face, only to remember, that they were sitting in the darkness, anyway.

“Yeah? Because I don’t see anything to get drunk.”

“We’re drunk!” The Doctor protested and the Master groaned. It had been so nice to close his eyes. Carefully he lifted his face and leaned against her shoulder instead.

“It’s a _drinking game!_ ”

“You’re making that up?” She asked suspicious.

“Doctor –“ The Master started only to break into laugher.

“Why would you know?” She asked, voice suddenly even more incomprehensibly than before.

“77 years. Got bored.” The Master yawned.

“Alright. I explain.” He sighed exaggeratedly. “Never have I ever stole the president’s wife.”

The Doctor made a noise that sounded like the hiss of a cat. “You know she was his _daughter!_ ”

The Master giggled even more. “Now you need to drink from our imaginary drink.”

If the Doctor hadn’t been that annoyed with him the Master was sure, that she would actually pretend to drink. Pity, he really wanted to see that.

“You know she was the president’s _daughter_!” The Doctor started again, and the Master gave her a clumsy kiss on the lips.

“Course, love. Want to annoy you.” She hit him playful, but still too hard which explained the Master more than many words.

“Wouldn’t be fun. We need more people.” The Doctor groaned.

“You would kill them.”

The Master kissed her again, grinning against her mouth.

“Only threaten to, promise Theta, invite all your pets. Want fun.”

This time she didn’t even pretend to be carefully when she hit him and the Master decided that it was time to bury his head in the crook of her neck again.

“Night, Night, Thete.” He mumbled and could hear the Doctor groan in annoyance.

“Don’t drool! The dress.” He was laughing and maybe he fell asleep too. He couldn’t quite tell with the Doctor’s soothing presence.

The Doctor had yet to decide if she liked being drunk. Fooling around with the Master was definitely a plus point, as well all the simplicity of their conversation. Even though she didn’t like him picking up that stupid lie the Shobogans put into existence.

Her swollen ankle spoke against it. It _really_ hurt. And she wasn’t sure if a snoring, heavy Master was that good while they were in a small cupboard. She liked the cupboard, maybe she should asked the Tardis to build her a room that was a giant cupboard?

Alright, back to her previous question! She squinted up her face. Her brain was really slow today. Difficult question.

Hard to tell.

At least the ginger had tasted good. That was good, she wasn’t sure if she even had tried ginger in this body yet. Her mind felt a little bit blurry but that wasn’t too bad, because she could snuggle against the Master.

Since when did you liked touch that much?

That brought her to the next point. Maybe being drunk was great because she did like to cuddle with the Master. And she definitely needed to use it to full capacity knowing that she didn’t like to be touched by anyone else.

“Love you.” The Doctor mumbled with the sudden impulse the tell the Master all her feelings towards him. And there were many. Thankfully most of them felt absolutely amazing at this moment.

The Master, even though he was asleep, seemed to feel her excitement because his mind started to brush hers and she could catch a glimpse of his current dream. Everything was slightly purple.

The Doctor giggled. The Master always tended to dream in unusual colours.

A deep buried longing to share her mind with him in such a peaceful moment, suddenly washed over her and the Doctor carefully lowered her body until she could press her forehead against his. If they were sharing dreams and thoughts, they could at least do it right!

Pushing away all her guilty feelings for this intrusion the Doctor remembered the many, many nights they shared a bed, pressed together, tangled in each other’s minds. This careful touch wouldn’t hurt them.

And so, she closed her eyes and dived into the peaceful world their memories created around them.

Maybe, being drunk wasn’t that bad.


	28. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos!

The Doctor was woken by a piercing scream.

In total confusion she tried to remember where exactly she was while her hands moved over someone soft. Why was she lying on the Master?! With half closed eyes she tried to roll to her side and the next thing she realised was, that she was falling.

A sharp pain in her ankle finally woke her up while she was crying in pain.

The servant – at least she looked like one – stared at her as if she had seen a ghost.

“Morning.” The Doctor mumbled. “Is it morning?”

The girl’s eyes got even wider.

“What’s your name?” She tried to break the ice and the girl finally seemed to recover from her shock, but of course, as always, the Master had to ruin everything.

He woke up with a muffled “Shut up!” in the equivalent of gallifreyan, tried to roll to his side too and crashed on the Doctor. Of course, he managed to land on her – at least now – broken ankle.

Her scream seemed to wake him up properly. The Master looked at the situation with blurred eyes and shook his head.

“Doctor?” He asked with muffled voice, ignoring the poor servant. The Doctor tried to give her an encouraging smile when the Master explained, “I’m gonna be sick” and vomited over the floor.

The Doctor crawled away from the mess which turned out to be more complicated than expected with him clinging to her arm. 

“Let go of me!”

The Doctor’s cursing in gallifreyan as well as the Master’s bad-tempered answers seemed to be enough for the girl. She turned around all at sudden and left the two Time Lords lying on the floor.

“Great, now you scared her off!”

“Wake up!” As well as the many times before the Master decided to ignore the Doctor. Which turned out more complicated than planned because she was pulling on him constantly and the floor didn’t feel in the slightest comfortable.

“Master! Wake up! Now!” He kicked his leg to make her go away, hit something and was rewarded with a muffled scream and a repeated “Ow, ow, ow!”

That managed to wake him up properly.

Carefully, trying his best not to vomit again, he manoeuvred himself in a sitting person and found the Doctor with a pale face, gripping her ankle.

Something happened. Last night. He just wasn’t sure what exactly.

“Doctor. Are you alright?”

The world was spinning and his sighted was that blurred, that he couldn’t look past the Doctor’s gritted teeth and her stressed expression.

“My ankle!”

The Master let his eyes wander from her surprisingly still mostly intact dress to her foot. “Oh”, was all he could manage because it looked very swollen.

“Ahh… can you stand?”

“Don’t want to try!” But of course, being the Doctor meant to do the most stupid things which included standing up on a clearly broken ankle. She went down with a pained scream and the Master barely managed to catch her.

“Okay, don’t stand.”

She gave him this dark laugher. “Oh, you bloody genius.”

“It’s not my fault!”

The Doctor was talking way to loud for his poor head.

“Yes, it it! You forced me to wear the heels!”

The Master groaned. “No heels! Didn’t force you. You wanted to be taller!”

If his head didn’t hurt that badly and he might have found his joy in this absurd situation. Instead, all he wanted was to sleep.

“Let’s go to your Tardis, love.”

The Doctor laughed. “Yeah, she’s on a different planet, genius!”

“Oh fuck!”

This time he tried to hide his face. And promptly hit his head. The day couldn’t get any worse.

It turned out that it could.

After the Master stopped swearing about his bruised forehead he realised, that the Doctor clearly couldn’t walk on her own.

What would be a triumphantly success in other situations, wasn’t that great when he needed to support the Doctor who was hopping on one leg. And because the floor was spinning, they hit the wall more than once.

“Are you still drunk?” The Doctor asked after a while, already back to her joyful self and the Master gritted his teeth. “No!”

The Doctor was laughing at him. Great.

It got even better when she insisted on taking the Cyberium with them (and yes, he wasn’t to keen on leaving his jacket behind, too).

At least they managed to find their room without further disturbance and the Master threw the jacket over the Doctor who actually snuggled into it and stuffed all their remaining clothes in on of the pockets.

“Alright. Let’s go!”

Still supporting the Doctor, they barely came out of their room before the run into Slade. The man gave them a really annoyed look and the Master wondered what they had done to displease him that much.

Whatever it was, they should repeat it, because the man helped them in a vessel to the right planet without any further discussion. They would reach they destination in 14 hours time and after that it was only a few hours away from the Tardis.

Luckily this spaceship was equipped with modern equipment for the time zone and so they didn’t have to deal with gravity lose.

The Master still vomited during the launching, but he was grateful that his vomit wasn’t floating around. The Doctor wouldn’t have stopped laughing about that, he was sure.

After that they both fell asleep and when the Master woke up eight hours later, he nearly felt like himself.

The Doctor wasn’t there anymore, but that was usual for her. At least, that deep in space, he didn’t need to fear that she got lost. (Hopefully.) His dry throat led him to the small bathroom where he found the Doctor.

As always, she gave a ridiculous picture. Hopping on one leg, trying to get out of the dress. She already wore her stupid trousers and one shoe, but was still fighting with the zipper.

The Master started to giggle.

“Good morning, finally.” She growled but he ignored her and started to drink water from the tap.

“Stop being a useless prick and help me!” The Doctor growled. “The shoes were bad enough.”

The Master sighed exaggerating. “Why should I help you to change back into these raggedy excuses of clothes?”

“Come on!” She whined and to his own surprise the Master helped her out of the dress (he would find a way to get her in it again!) and tossed her shirt to her. He couldn’t understand why she would go back into her still dirty clothes but then again, maybe it was better for the walk that would come.

What brought him to the next problem.

“Doctor, sit down.” She sank onto the toilet lid and allowed him to carefully take her left leg.

“How did that happen?” At least she was still laughing, couldn’t be too bad.

“You don’t remember?”

“I’m still waking up, give my poor brain a break.”

The Doctor hissed when he poked painfully at her ankle.

“You were cheating! And – ow!” His fingers stopped moving.

“Don’t be such a child! I would say it already started healing – much slower than it should, but that’s alright, your metabolism is most likely still stunned – and I think the bones are still in the right place.”

“You _think_?!”

The Master ignored her. “If you don’t hide a tissue renewer in your pockets I need to disappoint you.”

“It hurts!” She sounded like a grumpy child and the Master shook his head, grinning.

While the Doctor was still whining in pain, he used a few of his bandages and a towel to immobilise her ankle in her boot until she was able to stand for a few moments without going down instantly.

“Should be enough until we reach your Tardis.”

“And that’ll take how long?” She sounded far too suspicious.

“Around, I don’t know, five hours?”

The Doctor buried her face in her hands with a growl. “Let’s make ten out of it. Believe me, I’m going to move like a snail.”

The Master started laughing even though she didn’t even twitch at all.

“You’re exaggerating. _Again!_ ”

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Better use the remaining four hours to prepare yourself for the worst. Oh, apologises. Three hours and forty-two minutes.” She grinned.

In the end they spent the remaining three hours and forty-two minutes snuggled together, mostly asleep. And the Master couldn’t find the strength to fight the satisfying warm feeling inside his stomach.

To be honest, her ankle didn’t hurt as badly as she was telling the Master.

And yes, it was childish but a currently faster growing part in her was afraid what would happen once they reached the Tardis.

And while they were moving over the slightly blueish fields with the Tardis already nudging at her consciousness, the Doctor didn’t want to think about it. She truly didn’t want to do that! Because a part of her feared, that this wafer-thin memory of how their friendship was supposed to work, would fall apart as soon as they weren’t depended on each other.

And at this point, there wasn’t anything else that frightened her so much.

The Doctor had tasted the beauty of her life _with Koschei_ far too often now, and it had hurt worse every time she realised it had all been a lie. So, one day more. One hour more. Even a single minute. She didn’t want it to end!

And so, the Doctor hung with her full body weight on the Master’s shoulder and tried her best to slow them down as inconspicuous as possible.

All she managed was to annoy the Master to a point where she wasn’t too sure, if it was actually worth the struggle.

“You’re acting like a child, Doctor!” He growled and she could feel his tensed-up muscles and knew, that he was fighting with himself not to push her to the ground.

“I am not!” She growled back. “I broke my fucking ankle!”

“Because broken bones _ever_ stopped you.” His voice was getting louder and louder. “Your refused to regenerate for two weeks, continuous in constant pain and still managed to safe the whole farm. And know you tell me a _broken ankle,_ at this point possible not so broken anymore, stops you?!“

“Maybe this body is really pain sensitive.” The Doctor tried but the Master just laughed disappointed.

“What’s your goal this time, Doctor?”

“Nothing, you egoistic idiot. Can’t you believe that I’m in pain.”

All at sudden his voice was back to his calm, charming tone and that worried the Doctor more than she would ever admit. “Want to make me angry, love? Because you’re really close.”

“You _are_ already angry!” She said angry which seemed to be enough to push the Master over his edge. Not that she didn’t realised that before.

He pushed her to the ground and the Doctor, still unsecured on her legs, stumbled over her injured foot and fell to the ground with a suppressed groan.

“Thanks!” She growled but the Doctor could see in her friend’s eyes, that she wouldn’t pull him back with useless accusations. No matter how much she wished for her happy-go-lucky long-gone friendship, she was still dealing with the Master.

And the Master – even when he had still been Koschei – could explode every second if one wasn’t careful. Except that Theta Sigma had always been able to press the right buttons to calm him down until the Doctor refused to understand her friend’s needs.

“Koschei –”

With a scream he started to kick the ground around them, and the Doctor sighed before she lunged forwards, gripped his legs and pulled him down to her.

The Master hit the ground with his back, and she could see in his surprised gasp for breath, that it pressed the air out of his lungs. Regardless the Doctor pressed him with her weight down before he had the chance to pick himself up.

The Master stared at her with a strange look in his eyes before his mouth moved to a distorted smile

He was laughing again and a fast pushed away memory of his joyful laughing popped up, so different to him now.

“Can’t hurt too bad.” The Master explained still smiling but with the well know darkness in her eyes.

“Master…” The Doctor whispered, not even sure what she wanted to hear from him. But he was furious, and it was her fault, even worse, her intention and maybe she deserved his accusations.

“Oh, I see. That close to your Tardis you can stop pretending that you actually _care_ for me. Don’t worry, love, we both knew it was a lie.”

The Doctor knew that he was lying now to provoke her. Or at least she hoped that he was lying. She had shown him her feelings towards he knew how her truth looked. She could only hope he wasn’t back in his denial of everything connected with her as a person.

She swallowed her anger and tried to see past the Master’s hatred.

“Koschei,” she started again, what wasn’t too easy with a growling Master. “let’s talk. Alright?”

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled him upwards, gripping both his hands with her own. The Master struggled in her grip, screamed in anger and tried to shove the Doctor away. All he managed was to drag her over the ground while her injured foot bend painfully and and her desperate try to crawl away ended with another painful tuck.

The world was shifting around the Doctor and for a moment she was sure she would lose consciousness. Instead she forced herself to take deep breath until the world stopped moving around her.

She was laying on her side, close to being sick, and could feel the Master behind her back. The Doctor took another deep breath before she forced herself to turn around until she was staring at the Master.

She didn’t like it to look up to him. Especially not when he was still shaking with anger.

“I want to talk. Please.” He shook his head, eyes glowing with rage and she could see that he was still incredible close to properly snap any second. “Master. _Please Master._ ”

Of course, _that_ was still working. Great.

The Doctor picked herself up, pulling her leg behind her, until she was sitting in front of the Master.

“What do you want to talk about, Doctor?” He sounded tired and exhausted. “I think we talked about everything by now.”

“Yeah, I think we did.” She mumbled. “Apart from the reason _why_ we ended up back here.”

The Master furrowed his brow. “Isn’t that obvious?” He shook his head, laughing bitterly.

“Is it?” The Doctor could see that he wasn’t lying, but that didn’t change the fact, that it wasn’t obvious to her at all.

“Yes, Doctor. You betrayed me, left me to die.”

The Doctor froze. What was he talking about? She opened her mouth to protest but the desperate tone in the Master’s voice let her stop.

“And I tried, I really tried to be _good._ My kind of good, at least. To see the world like I always wanted to see it. I tried not to hate you for what you did. I really, really tried. But then on Gallifrey… and I… I couldn’t… everything was a lie.”

His voice broke but all the Doctor could do was stare at him with wide eyes. The Master laughed.

“No words left to defend yourself?”

She shook her head, finally the terrible realisation that her feeling that she _missed something_ had always been right. And she had missed a lot.

“I don’t know what to say.” The Doctor had the terrible need to start laughing. To start crying.

“ _You betrayed me!_ You knew that I was going to die. You knew it! And yet you still walked away.”

The Master, who’s eyes had started to gaze over her, suddenly snapped back to her face. “What are you talking about, Doctor?!”

“I could have stopped you. But I didn’t! I left you your free choice. And you _betrayed me_.” It was only then that the Doctor realised, that she was screaming and crying all together.

“I didn’t expect to survive, I detonated that bombe with the intention to die. And you _run away!_ What are you laughing about? What’s so funny?”

But the Master was doubling over because, laughing that hard that he was nearly switching to his respirator bypass system already. His face was wet with tears and it took the Doctor a while to realise, that these weren’t tears of laugher.

She stared at him, still crying, but the anger finally disappeared to an empty lump in her stomach in her stomach. The Doctor started to laugh, too, gripping the Master and clinging to him as if he was her lifeline. And maybe this was the moment she could admit to herself that he probably was.

Because of course. As always, Theta and Koschei both got it wrong. 

Many eternities, tears and laughter later the Doctor and the Master finally took some deep breath, wiped away their tears and the Doctor tried to ignore her emerging hiccough while the Master fought with his nervous giggling.

„What happened on the Mondasian ship, Koschei?”

She asked and had the distant feeling of a cold cell and a wall around them. It would have been so easy if she just realised his truth much sooner.

“You never asked me how I regenerated.” He whispered suddenly, his eyes piercing in hers. “Probably at the same time as you did, probably not that far away.”

The Doctor shook her head in confusion. “I’m sorry, but you would have never get killed by a _Cybermen._ ”

The Master laughed bitterly. “I think there’s only one person who could ever kill me. And unfortunately, that’s not you.”

The Doctor couldn’t stop staring at him, the past days playing before her eyes, again and again. His desperate dying wish.

And her friend. Missy. Missy, Missy, Missy.

It clicked all at sudden and the Doctor choked on the thought alone. “But… but…”

“To be fair, I stabbed me first. Wasn’t nice, hurt like hell and ruined my poor suit. I loved that suit. Why are you staring at me?” The Master laughed. “Oh, that sounded really weird, did it?”

“Koschei –“

“Alright, again. Missy stabbed Saxon who was rather angry about it and shoot her with his laser screwdriver. I can tell you, _that_ hurt even more. Wasn’t sure if I could actually survive it.”

The Master stopped, his eyes on the ground. The Doctor was still searching for words, pure horror filling her whole body. Only one thought could leave her lips.

“Why?”

“Why?” The Master laughed. “Because I wanted to stand with you, but you know how traumatised past selves can act – rather erratic. I – he was at a point where he couldn’t live with a future like that.”

“So, your rather killed yourself?” The Doctor was still staring at him. “ _Twice_.”

“As far as I know you refused to regenerate, _twice._ I think that’s exactly the same.” 

“It’s not and I never told you that?”

“You told O.”

The Doctor went silent, the thought of O, of her lost _friend_ still hurt. Even though she started to believe, that she found Koschei instead.

“Koschei, I’m sorry.” She whispered, still filled with emptiness and horror.

“Don’t be.” The Master shrugged his shoulders. “But you need to tell me how you manged to leave that damned ship so fast. I searched you for half a day.”

Even though he wasn’t saying it, she could still feel his accusation. And it hurt the Doctor’s hearts that her friend had searched for her, the realisation that the Master had been trapped on a ship that close to an event horizon of a black hole.

“You’re a genius.” 

Because thinking about it – how did he manage to escape? But also, the thought of this Master in Missy’s dress – she started to giggle.

And the Master giggled with her.

For sure, they would talk about that again. Too many open questions and swallowed accuses to just put the topic away. But for now, both of them could life with the thought, that the Master _and_ the Doctor had both gotten it wrong.

“Let’s go to the Tardis, Kos.”

As an answer the Master jumped to his feet and picked the Doctor up, that fast that she had no possibilities to protest.

“Master –“ She wailed but he only laughed.

“I’m not in the mood for your snail-speed.” She struggled laughing in his arms.

“I can walk!” The Doctor protested the Master just grinned smugly and started their remaining journey towards the Tardis.

And for once it felt as if they finally found back to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, there might have been this _one_ conversation that stood between them. I hope I can finally give these two idiots some peace now. 
> 
> It feels weird to me that this story is coming towards an end (not that my brain accepts that, the story is still continuing in my head, so there might be a second part…). Two more chapters to come!


	29. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can give these two idiots some peace.   
> Have fun!

Eventually the Master set her down again, when they reached the foot of a mountain. The Doctor gave him a funny look.

“Seriously?” She asked grinning, already spotted her beloved blue box on top of the hill.

“You couldn’t have landed her down here?”

The Master rolled his eyes. “Yeah, with locked controls. Definitely. It’s your own fault.”

He might actually be right, the Doctor guessed, even though she couldn’t find it in her to regret locking the controls. Better safe than sorry. For both the Master _and_ the Tardis.

“Alright, let’s go.” She said instead, ignoring his statement.

“Or you could just ask her nicely if she doesn’t want to join us. _My Tardis_ would do that.”

The Doctor grimaced. “Because _your Tardis_ is a spoil sport.”

Without another word she started to walk towards her beautiful blue box. It took the Master not even a second to catch up with her.

“Slow today, Doctor?” He grinned.

“Yeah, remember, your fault.” He gave a short laugh and started to prance around her while the Doctor gave her best to hide her grin. 

In the end the Master seemed to get tired of her stumbling, because he looked at her with this manic glance in his eyes and gave her a piggyback. The Doctor was constantly laughing. 

“You have no idea how _heavy_ you are.” He explained which made her laugh even more.

Only when she could actually hear the Tardis’ humming a deep hidden part in her felt the distinct fear from before.

“You’re not going to leave?” The Doctor whispered, her voice more broken than expected.

“Don’t think I have a choice, love.”

The Doctor swallowed hard and slide from his back.

“I’m not forcing you to stay, if you don’t want to.”

The Master gave her that weird look she couldn’t really place. “Yeah.” Was all he said.

“Yeah?”

“See it as a truce, Doctor. Until we’re both recovered.”

“A truce…” The Doctor repeated slowly. That wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

But the Master seemed to have finished with the topic, because he gave her another annoyed look and walked the last meters to the Tardis, trying to push the doors open only to stumble back, cursing.

“I _hate_ this Tardis.”

The Doctor ignored him, carefully lying her fingers on doors. The material was warm under her hands and she could feel the Tardis carefully nudging at her mind.

The doors opened with a silent _click_ and she smiled dreamy.

“Show-off!” The Master mumbled behind her back while she entered her ship. He barely made it in before the doors slammed shut again.

“Hey! At least a little ‘ _thank you’_ would be appreciated, don’t you think.”

The Tardis didn’t seem to agree and made a noise close to an angry hiss.

“Leave her alone!” The Doctor said, observing the Master’s reaction.

“What did you do, anyway, to deserve that?”

“Brough you back to her, to start with.” Her friend growled, kicked the console under protest from both the Doctor and the Tardis, smiled pained and nodded towards her foot.

“You should take care of your ankle.”

Thankfully, as much as the Tardis hated the Master, the medical room was only a few doors down the first corridor they took.

With gritted teeth the Doctor tried to free her foot until the Master sighed and bend down to remove her shoe. He was more careful than she expected him to be. After that it took him about half a minute before the initial damage was gone completely and the Doctor could stand on her own without the painful throbbing.

“Thanks.” She nodded towards him, but the Master only shrugged his shoulders.

An awkward silence started, and the Doctor jumped to her feet.

“I’m taking a shower!”

She rushed out of the room, ignoring the Master’s grin in her back. She took the first bathroom she could find, only to realise, that it had a mirror on the wall.

“Come on!” She hissed at the Tardis who didn’t even react at all. Where did this even come from? There shouldn’t be any mirrors just hanging in a room!

It took her a while to realise, that she was standing in the Master’s bathroom. Missy had loved that room.

“Ah.”

Her fingers touched the tousled remains of her braid and maybe, just one look?

She squinted carefully at her reflection, and yes, she really liked the braid. She should learn to braid her hair like that. Or maybe the Master – But that was something she shouldn’t think about. It would only hurt.

She took another carful look to her face, still ignoring her eyes. The Doctor froze.

“Koschei!” She blurted out without thinking, her voice more high pitched than she could remember hearing it before.

“What?” The Master stormed in the room, freezing when he found her in front of the mirror. “You scream as if you’re being murdered.”

“Look!”

The Doctor pointed at her reflection, her own eyes focusing on his face. He looked confused.

“What?”

“Look!”

The Master followed her fingers, raising his eyebrow. “Yeah. What?”

“I look like a panda!”

The Master looked at her, looked at her reflection and snorted.

“I mean, seriously, look at me!”

“Looking, Doctor.” He grinned. “You kept rubbing your eyes. Did you expect all the make-up just to disappear?”

“Ah.”

The Master started to laugh again, and it was the same joyful laugher that she loved on him so much and all at sudden she was tiptoeing, looping her hands around his back and kissing him as if they were only 100 again.

The Master was still laughing against her lips, froze for a moment, only to deepen the kiss until the Doctor felt dizzy from the sudden joy.

She felt a smirk against her lips and felt how her face started to redden. Without further thinking she pushed him towards the door. The Master giggled when he realised what the Doctor was doing.

“Make-up remover pads in the top drawer.”

She pushed him out of the door. “Don’t need them. I shower.”

The Doctor closed the door before her face had the chance to turn into beetroot.

“You need them!” The Master insisted from the other side and she could hear in his voice, that he was grinning.

The Doctor opened the top drawer and pulled out a pack of pads. She had seen Missy do that multiple times before, couldn’t be so hard, right?

She tried her best to remove the panda from her face, only to end up cursing because Missy never mentioned how much it _burned_ in her eyes. A quick peek in the mirror told her, that she wasn’t making it better. 

With an annoyed sigh she decided to scrub it of in the shower, undressed quickly and gripped the shower head.

It was only when the comfortable warm water hit her body that the Doctor started to grin. It felt so surreal. Only moments ago, she had this terrible argument with the Master and now they were close to acting as they did in their days in the Academy.

And yes, it might only be a _truce_ as the Master had called it, but the Doctor could have that truce forever. For once she felt happy.

Well, until she saw the Master’s coat on the floor. And the Tardis always removed her dirty clothes. And with a pang of guilt the Doctor pulled back the blocked memory of the Cyberium.

There was still something she had to deal with.

The Master didn’t even try to find another bathroom and knowing the Doctor she would be back in no time. He could still feel her lips on his and his stupid hearts were more excited about it than they should be.

Maybe because it had been a long time since the Doctor kissed him that thoughtless with obvious joy and it felt so much like Theta’s bouncing manners. His stupid hearts still longed for that boy and promptly started to beat faster when the Doctor stormed into the console room, only dressed in usual trousers and one of her shirts.

Only when he saw her face and the box in her hand the Master realised, that the fun was over.

“Doctor?”

Her naked feet slapped over the floor while she started to press buttons moved a few levers on the console.

“Where are we going?”

“Nowhere.” The Doctor’s voice was dark.

The Tardis howled in protest, not happy about their destiny and the Master managed to take a look at the coordinates.

“Doctor –“ He swallowed hard. “You’re not actually doing that?”

She stopped her nervous pacing, dark eyes on him.

“For the safety of the universe.”

The Master took another look to the box in her arms. He could feel the Cyberium, he could feel its desperation.

“But that’s not you!” He protested, not even sure _why_. It wasn’t as if he needed the Cyberium for something, he was cleverer than the AI and remembered most of its knowledge anyway.

It took the Master a while to realise that he was arguing for the Doctor’s sake.

His friend ignored him, opening the doors and staring down at the dying star.

“One minute.” She mumbled to herself but suddenly all the Master remembered was her desperate promise to jump in a supernova if he would ever leave her.

“Doctor –“ He tried again, too gently for his own liking, walked towards her and squeezed her shoulders. She pushed him away, but he could feel her tense muscles under his fingers.

_Promise to stop her if she ever tries!_ He said to the Tardis, only to realise, that it sounded like begging. But he couldn’t push the image away of the Doctor agonising again and again while in the middle of a dying star.

_Catch her, don’t even let her jump!_ The Tardis hummed in his mind, she felt as distressed as he did. And for once the Master knew, that he could trust her on that promise. A part of his strain left his body.

“Doctor, not that I’m stopping you – but I thought you believed that everyone deserves a second chance.”

She turned around and it wasn’t his best friend who stared back at him. It wasn’t even the Warrior. It was the Oncoming Storm and for once the Master was glad that she never _actually_ tried to kill him.

“I don’t think that.” She said with monotone voice while the star exploded under them.

And still, her fingers where shaking when she gripped the box even harder and moved her hands towards the open doors.

The Cyberium screamed in his head.

“Doctor, this isn’t you.” The Master explained calmly, because her whole body started to shake. She ignored him.

“You’re evil.” She explained the box and the screaming AI. “You’re really, really evil.” It sounded as if a child tried to justify their actions. “And you hurt my friend. You _hurt_ him. Really bad. You don’t deserve to live.”

It felt like a slap in the face when the Master realised, that _he_ was that friend. That he, obviously much more evil and more dangerous than the Cyberium got every chance while the AI didn’t even get a second one.

For him.

The Master gripped the falling box the moment the Doctor let go if it.

She stared at him in shock, before her lips formed to a toneless “No!”. A small “Why?” followed shortly after.

“Because you’re not a murderer, Theta.” The Master explained gently. “That have always been me.”

He threw the box into the explosion of the dying sun and relished in the Cyberiums desperate screams until there was nothing, but silence left.

The Master took a deep breath the same moment when the Tardis decided to tip to her side, slam the doors shut and threw them against the consol. The Doctor was thrown against him and he could feel her tremble in his arms.

“It’s alright.” He whispered and sank to the floor with him. “It wasn’t you.”

The Doctor stared back at him with dark eyes and despite her young body she looked so old.

“Doesn’t matter.” She said coldly, but her shaking body betrayed her feelings.

“I think it does. And it wasn’t you.”

She pushed out of his hands, suddenly back on her feet.

“Because that makes it better, does it?” The Doctor screamed but the Master still hold her boiling gaze.

She screamed in frustration and the Master could see the tears in her eyes but before he had the chance to open his mouth again, she stormed out of the room, into the next corridor which changed his entrance only seconds later.

“I get it.” He growled towards the Tardis, stumbling to his feet.

Maybe it would be easier if he felt the same guilt as the Doctor, but the Master couldn’t care less about the Cyberium. All he cared about was the Doctor.

And she would hide somewhere where he had no chance of finding her without the Tardis’ help until she was able to hide her pain again.

The Master sighed.

It had been much easier when Theta had ended up crying because he had stepped on a cockroach.

The Master took the time to take a long shower before he even thought about having a chance of finding the Doctor. His clothes where gone and with an annoyed grumble to the humming walls, he started searching for the wardrobe, only dressed in his towel.

Instead he found a comfortable king-size bed with a ceiling full of stars. Knowing the Tardis, he had no chance of finding anything to wear for now, he decided not to exhaust his luck with the erratic ship and laid down, watching the constellation above him. To his surprise he couldn’t recognizes it.

Of course, that it was the Doctor who found him.

Carefully she peeked through the door her head a mess of blonde hair.

“Hello Doctor.”

She came in without another word, carefully sitting down on the edge of the bed. It was only then that she realised, that he wore nothing but the towel around her waist.

It was hilarious how fast she turned into an overripe tomato.

The Master grinned.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”

She was still not saying a word, but her wide eyes told him more than words could.

“Oh, come here, Theta.”

Of course, she buried her whole body _under_ the cover, but the Master acknowledged her stupid decision with a roll of his eyes and pulled the whole bundle of Time Lord and blanket in his arms.

The Doctor shifted in his grip until she was curled up on him and the Master could feel her rapid heartbeats.

“Doctor?”

No reaction, unless that humming against his chest could be counted as a yes.

“It’s _slightly_ irritation to speak with a pile.” At least she was laughing again.

“Want to come out?”

She most definitely shook her head.

“Well, then I’m coming in.”

The Doctor made a noise that sounded vague like squeal, but the Master ignored her with a smile and shifted her body until he could pull the blanket over his head.

All he could see in the darkness were the Doctor’s shining eyes and he laughed. 

“This feels like one of our caves we built back in the academy.”

“You’re naked.” The Doctor blurted out.

“Yeah, I think I am.” The Master hid his grin, taking the Doctor’s hands in his own. She felt tense under his grip.

“Oh, come on, Theta.” She smiled weakly, but still watched him with an unconfident look in her eyes.

“It’s not that…” She mumbled and the Master popped his head back from under the blanket.

The Doctor’s fast breath was tickling his chest and he could barely supress a giggle. Instead he chuckled.

“Doctor?”

“Hmm.”

“Do you mind coming up?”

For a moment nothing happened, then, slowly, a heap of blonde hair appeared until wide eyes stared at him.

“Do you know this constellation?” The Master asked, pointing at the stars above them.

The Doctor squinted her eyes in concentration, staring at the ceiling for a few moments before she turned around and looked at him.

“No, I don’t.” She explained confused.

Then, her eyes started to sparkle with excitement.

“A whole constellation I don’t know about, that’s incredible!”

And there she was, his Doctor, his stupid Theta Sigma, babbling about some a new discovery and the Master couldn’t help but follow every of her movements in joy, his lips formed to a smile.

It took the Doctor a while to realise, that he wasn’t listening to her, only watching.

“Kos?”

His hearts jumped in joy about that nickname. Right now, this was right. This was perfection.

The Master pulled her closer, his hands slipping under her shirt, moving up and down her back.

“What are you doing?” The Doctor asked suspicious but taking by her smile, still comfortable.

“Do you really think, all I can do is fuck?”

The Doctor nearly choked.

“You’re no fun.”

“What?” She asked, still coughing.

“You said I wasn’t able of _making love._ ” The Master said the last words with disgust.

The Doctor moved her eyes over his face, over his mostly covered body.

“Master,” she started, voice thick and uncertain, “Do you want to have sex? Now?”

The Master stared back at her, his hands still resting on her back and he opened his mouth to give her the answer she wanted to hear only to realise, that it wouldn’t be the truth.

“No, Doctor.” He explained calmly, while his hands started to move again, and she leaned in his touch.

“No, Doctor,” the Master repeated again, following her flickering eyes. “I want to make love with you.”

This time she didn’t choke, her green eyes, wide as a universe, were fixed on him but the Master couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

None of them said a word for seconds what felt like eternities.

“Alright.” She finally whispered, surprising him, and her fingers slowly moved to his chest. He could feel that she was shaking.

“Doctor?” he asked, suddenly puzzled.

But her gently fingers moved to his shoulders and pulled him closer until their foreheads nearly touched.

“I said, alright, Koschei.” She whispered, her mind brushing against his. “Show me that you can do it.”

“Yeah?” The Master wasn’t sure why he felt that unsure all at sudden. It had been him who started the conversation

“I trust you. You know that. Now show me how much you love me.”

And he did.

Under the starlight of an unknown constellation the Master pulled the Doctor in a deep kiss. His mind brushed against her consciousness, carefully entering her mind and he opened up for her.

The Cyberium had left a trail of destruction but the gentle touches pulled him back to the Doctor, to her outstretched hand that pulled him closer in a realm where nothing, but their love existed.

In the physical world to sweaty bodies moved with each other as if they where made for each other.

The Doctor moaned in pleasure with every new touch and the Master was that deep in her mind, that he forgot which of them was wearing which body.

A breathy kiss against some inner thighs and the following giggle from the Doctor reminded him, that it wasn’t important.

Hands moved over bodies, lips brushed over tickling skin and pleasured noises escaped mouths, but in their minds, they were but one.

They might whisper in each other’s minds for eternities and it felt like it should be.

Even after their physical bodies just snuggled against each other, the Doctor and the Master still floated around their worlds.

And when the Doctor curled against his chest, was falling asleep with a smile on her lips the Master finally accepted that making love wasn’t as soppy as he remembered.

Or maybe it was. But that was alright too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, only one more chapter! 
> 
> I hope the end scene felt alright. I wanted to leave you as much imagination as you like but still somehow dive into their minds without really showing anything to leave it as their moment. I hope I managed the atmosphere I was aiming for. 
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts!


	30. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Oksenia who drew [the Doctor in her dress!](https://okseniaart.tumblr.com/post/629851163761819648/sketch-version-of-thirteenth-doctor-in-red-dress) Thank you so much, it’s the most amazing thing to see your own story visualised! 
> 
> It was so strange for me to write that last chapter, a part of me didn’t even want to write down the last words, because I didn’t want it to end.  
> But here it is.  
> I really hope I can give you the last chapter this story deserves. I'm so nervous...
> 
> Have fun!

The Master felt himself drifting back in the physical world, the Doctor’s hair tickling his neck. She had her arms wrapped around his body, her legs tangled which his.

He could feel himself smiling while he watched the Doctor’s relaxed face snuggled against his chest.

“You’re stunning, Doctor.” He mumbled, feeling her dreaming consciousness snuggling closer against him.

The Master carefully freed one hand only to trace it down her body. It was the most calming feeling to caress her like that, especially when she started to smile in her sleep, pleasure building up in their still joined minds.

Carefully he rolled the Doctor on her back so that he could reach her neck and started to place kisses all over her collarbones. He could feel through their connection, that she was enjoying the sensation. The Doctor started to moan, still mostly asleep, when the Master bite down teasingly.

Only when he started to slide down her body, teasingly sucking her breast, the Doctor opened her eyes and stared at him. The Master was too busy kissing her body to stop and say something.

The Doctor didn’t seem to mind.

“Kos.” She moaned, her hands gripping his hair, holding his head in place.

The Master smiled at her sudden demand, intentionally biting down again. She arched body, pulling at his hair and he could feel how his arousal build up.

“Nice way to wake up.” The Doctor whispered with hoarse voice and the Master remembered, that there had been a time, when Koschei loved to wake up Theta with sweet kisses all over his body.

That memory brought a smug grin on his lips and he moved his head until he could place innocent kisses all over her neck.

“Master!” The Doctor protested laughing, one hand letting go of his hair to teasingly slide it down to his waist. But instead of touching him properly she squeezed his bottom, innocently smiling at him when she bent down to kiss his mouth.

He growled in her mouth but was quickly distracted by her bites on his lips. He slipped his tongue in her mouth, forcing her to stop her nibbling. The Master could feel her grinning just before her hand finally gripped between his legs.

The Master jerked, his hands seizing her waist. The Doctor was still smiling and remember him, that it hadn’t been that long ago, since she had male genitals, too. He could remember his time as Missy and how _handy_ it had been to actually have had a male body before.

The Doctor proved him exactly _how handy_ this knowledge could be.

She carefully pulled both of them deeper in their mental realm, and when his orgasm hit it cursed through both their minds, leaving the Doctor panting for breath as well.

The Master didn’t struggle when she pushed him on his back, eyes closed and still mostly captured in their mental world of emotions. It felt so good.

The Doctor rested her head on his chest again, slowly drawing small circles on his skin and the Master opened his eyes.

She looked peaceful like that, and he could feel her satisfaction tickling over his body as well.

The Master trailing his hand down her waist. “Should I?” He asked, but the Doctor already snuggled against his sweaty body, closing her eyes, her mind drifting off again. Only her fingers still moved around.

“I love you.” He whispered and she hummed in agreement.

The Master fell asleep with the Doctor’s calming drawings on his skin and her mind, as well as her body, snuggled close to him.

A hand was moving over his face and the Master felt himself frowning. The gently fingers traced his facial features while another hand moved through his hair.

“Wake up.” A voice whispered but the Master refused to open his eyes. He concentrated on the calming feeling of Theta’s hands and felt himself drifting off to sleep again.

_“Koschei, you need to wake up!” The boy growled and pulled the blanket back over his head, ignoring his friend’s desperate tries to bring him to open his eyes._

_“Borusa is going to kill us, Kos. Wake up!”_

_“Oh, shut up, Theta.” He mumbled, gripping his friend’s wrists and pulled him onto the bed._

_“Koschei!” Theta squealed with joy which told him that his best friend was as interested in going to their lectures as he was._

“Koschei? Hey, Koschei. Master, come on, wake up.”

Growling, he finally opened his eyes, only to find himself face to face with the Doctor. Her hands were still resting on the sides of his face. She was widely smiling at him and her eyes sparkled with so much joy that he couldn’t help but feel his hearts flutter with joy.

“Thete, want to sleep.” He mumbled, looped his arms around her waist and pulled the Doctor down when he rolled to his side. She squealed the same way she had done centuries ago and that only persuaded him to tighten his embrace and bury his face in the crook of her neck.

“Master, you need to let me go.” But she was still laughing, and her hands moved over the side of his head.

“No.” He growled, trying to pull the blanket above both their heads.

“Hey, Master, I made breakfast.”

“Don’t want to leave.” He protested and the Doctor laughed and finally wiggled out of his grip.

“Yeah, I guessed that. That’s why I brought it.”

The Mater lifted his head just enough to see the full stacked bedside table.

“Do I want to try it?” He grinned at the Doctor through eyes still sticky from sleep.

“Oh, you –” She threw a pillow at him.

“Just asking.” The Master yawned to hide his grin.

It was only then that he realised that she was wearing one of his blue shirts tucked her trousers.

“You look ridiculous Doctor.” He told her chuckling.

“It’s only because I couldn’t find my shirt!”

“Yeah.” He let his head fall on the pillow again.

“Come on, Master. Breakfast. We haven’t eaten in _days_!”

Grumbling he sat up, pulling the blanket around his shoulders and patted the space next to him until the Doctor sat down. She pulled the table closer to them and the Master needed to admit, that the food didn’t look as bad as expected.

It wasn’t even that the Doctor couldn’t cook, she just had a _slightly_ horrible taste.

But the pancakes in front of him didn’t look as if she tried some new recipe and a careful taken mouthful told him, that she hadn’t mixed salt and sugar either.

He would although leave the greenish marmalade to her.

“Oh, come on, please try. Amy told me how to make marmalade and I finally tried it!”

The Master rolled his eyes. If he remembered correctly, Amy was the red-haired girl, he met while pretending to be O. He still wasn’t sure what happened to her and now wasn’t the time to ask.

Carefully he dipped his pancake in the green substance, took a mouthful and froze.

“What kind of marmalade is that?”

The Doctor looked at him beaming. “Well, spinach.”

The Master took the cup of tea, hoping it didn’t turn out to be aubergine or something like that and swallowed it down.

“Doctor!”

The way she smugly smiled at him he couldn’t tell if she did it intentionally. Knowing her she didn’t.

“Yes, Master?” She asked innocently and he threw the pillow at her. She only laughed.

The remaining breakfast remained free of experimental food and more talk about different fruits all over the universe.

“Have you ever tried a Pachu?” The Doctor asked, chewing her food.

“I don’t think so…”

“Well, then you definitely need to do that! We could –“ The Doctor stopped mid-sentence, freezing.

“Well, I mean _you_ could.” She corrected herself immediately, avoiding the Master’s gaze. He didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I could.” He mumbled, unsure how to handle the sudden shift of the atmosphere.

“Well, anyway. You should get dressed, I think you want back to your Tardis.”

The Doctor stormed out of the room before the Master had the time to find the courage to tell her, that he would like to stay for now.

The Doctor was bend over the console taking deep breaths. She was still barefoot and dressed in the Master’s shirt and it started to feel like it was mocking her. Mocking her for being so stupid to utter her hidden wishes in front of the Master who wouldn’t leave a chance to twist the words and hurt her with them.

Stupid, stupid Doctor.

But she was still craving for him to stay. Just another day.

The Doctor forced herself to stand up quickly when she heard the Master’s steps on the floor. A fake smile followed shortly after, but her friend seemed to observe her with his head cocked.

It was a miracle how he managed to dress that quickly, only his hair fell flat over his forehead. The Doctor had the stupid desire to brush it away.

She opened her mouth when the Master started to talk.

“Doctor –“ He started but she didn’t let him continue. Didn’t want to hear what he would say.

“Yeah, I know.” She nodded hastily. The Master gave her that weird look.

“You want back to your Tardis but you left it on Gallifrey and –“

“Doctor!”

“Never mind me. I should go back to the fam, too. They possibly think I’m dead… And Leeoran. I really should pick him up.”

“Doctor!”

“Oh, I hope they don’t mock him for his ears.”

The Master gripped her shoulder and forced her to stop her rambling. Somehow the look he gave her was gentle.

Okay. That was new.

New and frightening.

“Anyway, whatever you have planned, I don’t want to know.”

She wiggled out of his grip, thinking she could see him roll his eyes in annoyance, and danced around the console, pressing knobs and switches until the screen came on and started to show her a list of distress calls. The Doctor took a deep breath.

The Master was still staring at her and she opened her mouth to say _something_ , but she couldn’t think of anything useful to say.

At least nothing he would want to hear.

He took a few steps until he was standing in front of her.

“Doctor.” He repeated again and this time she forced herself not to start rambling.

“Yeah?”

“What’re you afraid of?”

The question surprised her, and it was only then that she noticed the Master’s nervous tapping against his thigh.

The Doctor was still considering if she should act as if she didn’t notice or not. Her body reacted faster than her mind, shooting forward and carefully taking his hand in her own.

The Master’s eyes shot to her, but she could find nothing but surprise and _fear_?!

His fingers twitched in her hand and she gently pressed her fingers against his. Their minds had been tangled for hours so that this little touch was enough to spark the connection and both of them got a glimpse of the equal fear of the other before they managed to draw their walls up.

The Doctor pressed his hand tighter when she finally looked in his eyes, expecting to see anger for her intrusion only to find exhaustion and _sympathy_.

“Are you alright, Master?” She asked, forcing herself to laugh because she couldn’t remember seeing his emotions that unguarded.

“I could ask you the same.”

“Yes, yes of course! Just need to pick the next distress call and –“

She had tried to pull her hand away only to get pulled closer to the Master until she crashed with him.

“I need to pick up my friends.” The Doctor started in despair and could feel the disappointment radiating from the Master. Now it would only a matter of time for him to lash out again, throw her against the console and –

He pulled her in a tight hug, burying his face on her neck. She could feel his rapid breathing, his slightly trembling body and knew how much he was fighting to stay calm.

The Doctor herself had problems to understand the whole situation, trying to wiggle out of his grip because she didn’t know if she wouldn’t start crying if she didn’t.

“I don’t understand.” She whispered, when the Master didn’t let go of her.

“I don’t understand!” She repeated with more strength but forcing her agitatedly body to stay as still as possible in his grip.

“Neither do I.” The Master answered, his voice muffled through her hair. He was calming down and the Doctor moved her nervous moving arms to wrap them around his back.

“I’m not a hugger…” She explained silently only to feel him laugh against her neck.

“Neither am I.”

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, just holding each other, and after some time the Doctor’s rapid jumping thoughts calmed down as well as her thoughts. What still didn’t explain the whole situation and what the hell just happened!

“Master!” She tried again after a while, letting go of him. He still held her tightly.

“Koschei, come on, talk to me.”

Carefully he lifted his head, his arms slowly slide down her body until they hung limp on his side.

“Master, what’s wrong?”

The Doctor asked, surprised about his red eyes and his desperate tries to look away. He was even more uncertain than she was.

Even after all the time they spent together, even having some fun, the Master’s vulnerability shocked her time and time again.

“Koschei!”

Finally, he looked up, a steely expression back in his eyes. Even his voice was emotionless, but his words weren’t.

“Did you mean it?” He asked almost coldly, “when you promised me every star in the universe. Did you mean it?”

The Doctor froze. She had expected many things but not _that_!

Her silence seemed to take to much time for him, because the Master shook his head and turned away from her. The Doctor caught his hand.

“ _Yes!_ ” She said with total conviction. “I _did_ mean it.” Her voice got more gently.

“But a lot of terrible things happened. And here we are.”

“Yeah, here we are.” The Master repeated and stared with a nearly angry glare at her. But his eyes still looked as if he was close to crying.

“Why don’t we sit down for a moment, I found a really comfy sofa in one of the rooms!”

The Master rolled his eyes.

“I thought you wanted to pick up your pets.” But his voice sounded amused and she ignored his comment, only pressing his hand she was still holding and leading him back in the inside of the Tardis.

The Master followed with a grumble, but she could tell that it was only an act. Otherwise both of them stayed silent until they sat down on the sofa (the Doctor was still surprise that she actually managed to find the room).

The Master gave her a funny look.

“Are you going to let go of my hand?”

It still surprised her how fast all of his vulnerability seemed to be hidden completely.

“Don’t want to!” She protested, even wrapping her other hand around his fingers.

“You’re such a child.”

“I was a child, when I gave you that promise.” The Doctor said carefully but this time the Master didn’t show any feelings.

“Yeah, and then you ran away. Without me.” He tried to say it casually, but she could hear the accusing in his voice.

“And I regret it every day.” The Doctor confessed quietly.

This confession seemed to surprise the Master, he barely was able to keep his emotionless mask, but she could feel the nervous twitching of his fingers in her hand. She was sure, if she tried to make a rhythm out of it, she would be counting the drums.

“What is it, Master?” She asked again, when he didn’t say a word.

He hesitated for a moment before he explained coldly: “I never understood why you travelled with all your pets when you could have me.” He took a deep breath and the Doctor had the feeling as if the world started to spin around her.

“I thought I solved the riddle, when I found out about the timeless child, but…” He seemed to search for words. The Doctor completed calmy. “but I’m just an egoistic coward.”

She gave him an uncertain smile.

“And I missed your attempt to reach me multiple times.” Abruptly she let go of his hand.

She couldn’t think of anything else to say. And as it seemed neither could the Master because he dropped his eyes, as fast as she did.

“Koschei?” The Doctor tried after a few awkward moments, intentionally using the name that wasn’t connected to all the suffering and pain.

“Yeah?” He answered, without lifting his head.

“Do you want to stay?” Silence. “I mean,” The Doctor quickly started again. “only for a few more days. You know, to – er – eat and you know –“

Finally, the Master looked at her and she could barely see the little nod.

A second later he started to laugh. The Doctor joined him, because she didn’t know what else to do. Quickly their laugher started to change into clear joy and the Doctor fell forward to find a excuse to come closer to him again.

Instead her head hit his nose.

“OW!” The Master howled and pushed her back. “What was that for?”

“Sorry?” The Doctor tried but couldn’t really hid her grin.

The Master gave her an annoyed look, still holding his nose.

The Doctor pulled his hand away and gave him a breathy kiss on the nose. The Master snorted.

“So… you really want to stay?” She asked again, this time barely audible.

“Yeah… I think so.” He answered in the same voice as she did.

The Doctor cleared her throat, straightened her back and looked him in the eyes.

“Can you try – just try – to be a bit less murderous?” She asked calmly, waiting for some reaction from the Master. He just looked at her, with something close to pity in his eyes. Yes, her request was probably really pitiful.

But the Master kissed her forehead and the Doctor took it as a ‘yes’, even though she knew that it was his apology for all the following disasters he would inflict.

“So… where do we start?” She asked instead, jumping to her feet and dancing back toward the console room. The Master followed slowly.

“I don’t know how you feel, but I’m still hungry.” He said with a little smile.

“Yeah, eating is good.”

She started to think about their options, but the Master slowly turned her around.

“Doctor, if you want this to work… What about your pets?”

The question surprised her, even though she had asked herself the same thing, deep buried in her mind and the Doctor shrugged her shoulders, guilt building up in her stomach, because she clearly didn’t know.

The Master snorted. “Tell you what, Doctor. You live in a Time machine.”

It was the most obvious thing, but it was the fact that it was the Master who said it, and not her traitorous mind, trying to find a solution for her torn hearts, what made it alright.

“Ah.”

And somehow it didn’t need any words after that. Somehow it was enough to take each other’s hands, slowly, carefully, still unsure if it was for real.

And maybe it wasn’t, maybe only a day from now, they would try to kill each other again.

Because they weren’t the naïve boys they used to be, and they would always be the Doctor and the Master.

But when the Doctor leaned against the Master who rested his head on her shoulder, both of them sitting on the edge of the Tardis’ door while the universe moved under their feet, she knew, that it was worth it.

Even if they would end up on different ends of the universe, it was worth it. And maybe it could work. Just once.

_Love you, Kos_. The Doctor whispered to the mind snuggled against hers. She could feel how the Master wrapped the same feeling around her whole being, repeating her words.

This was right.

Theta Sigma and Koschei were together in a Tardis at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> But you might have noticed that I made a series for this work, so yes, there’s most likely going to be a second part. At this point I would say the sequel will start by the end of October/November.  
> I’m also participating at the Big Bang Masterversary and have a few ideas for other stories I would like to write, so you might hear from me before. 
> 
> Thank you so, so much for following that journey together with me! I have no words to thank you for all your support! You're so amazing!  
> I really hope to see you all again, it was such a great time to explore this story together with you.
> 
> Thank you so much!


End file.
